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Thread: A question

  1. #1
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    A question

    How many people here are in serious heterosexual relationships while exploring their crossdressing fantasies?

    I am lucky enough to be in a relationship of several years, and my partner seems more accepting of my CD than even I do sometimes.

    I wonder what others experience is of mixing this lifestyle with relationships. Is it all positive, negative, indifferent. Do you get support, do your partners like to help you dress up?

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum, Erika! And your first post! My answer is yes I am in a heterosexual relationship and yes I have been crossdressing for 6 decades and she totally hates it! Not really exploring any more but I get No help at all. Which is fine. She does not have the greatest taste in feminine attire! Lol.

  3. #3
    Mature Member sara_also's Avatar
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    I am in a happy and wonderful marriage. My wife is accepting and gets involved in 80% of the process. I have always felt that a relationship cannot grow or flourish without an honest and truthful partnership. I am one of the lucky ones. We do not flaunt or spread my hobby around, but at home I am free to do as I please.
    Sara

  4. #4
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    I happen to have a boyfriend who is extremely supportive and encouraging of my dressing, I can dress whenever I want (I'm still closeted however) and he loves it when I dress up for him, which is primarily at bedtime in beautiful lingerie and he buys lingerie for me once in a while which I love wearing for him. He's an amazing boyfriend and we have an incredible relationship, and for anyone who's had the guy itch my advice would definitely be to scratch it if you can find the right guy.

  5. #5
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    Hi Erika,

    I am married and have been for 11 years. My wife learned of my crossdressing about 5 years ago. At first it was very difficult and we weren't sure if we would stay together but we have managed so far. During that time my wife has slowly become more accepting of it. I wouldn't say she is supportive but she really does try to work with me. I'm in sort of a middle ground between DADT and supportive.

    Elizabeth

  6. #6
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Count me in as one of the lucky ones. My wife has always been supportive and very helpful, especially with makeup. I always ask for her opinion. I dress as I please, but, as much as I?d like to, I rarely go out dressed. The one thing I enjoy is our sense of humor. She doesn?t understand how I can wear underwire bras, hose, heels, etc. I just smile.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    HI Erica - I have been married for forty years, and have been together with the same woman for forty one. I fought off my CD tendencies for most of that time, finally giving in this past summer. I was very afraid it would damage our long relationship, but it has not. I came out right away, and that has helped a lot in my estimation. She has helped me with my makeup skills, participated in my selection of outfits and shoes, and supports me completely. I couldn't ask for more, my alter ego "Kris" is flourishing and I am very happy. Our marriage is as strong as ever. It can happen.

  8. #8
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
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    Welcome Erika, I've been married for 24 years out for 11 years. My wife supports me and is accepting. She does get tired of seeing me dressed sometimes but communicates when she needs it to take a rest which I understand.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member kellyanne's Avatar
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    There is little reliable data on this matter since few women who self identify as partners of transgendered men are willing to speak on it on the record.
    Across almost every culture women generally " marry up" - that is they usually marry a man who has a higher income status , higher educational credentials and works longer hours than themselves
    Rightly or wrongly " maleness" is associated with higher incomes, higher achievement in economic terms and an ability to provide protective safety etc.

    Most ladies view the perception of their own social status as directly linked to society's perception of their male partner's . What advantage does this crossdressing bring her in marriage she may say ?

    What would her friends and " society" say? IMHO this question governs the general stance. Contrast this with " I just found out my hubby is actually an MD too - he just didn't practice and went into tech after UNI."

    So to the women who discovers her partner is " less masculine" than she thought and thus all the aforesaid advantages she married - can she be sure they are still real?" she may wrongly conclude he is less of all of those.
    ( I thing gay and trans men generally rank above their hetero peer male averages in earnings and I am pretty sure self identified TG men score higher on average income + sensitivity vs hetero peers )

    Thus her psychological world can be shaken IMHO unlike a man's.
    IMHO, rightly or wrongly, many ladies who find out the husband is gay do not feel the same threat to the marital foundation as the lady who finds out the husband is a CD since to her mind there has been no
    " decrease of maleness" in that scenario.
    Last edited by kellyanne; 11-30-2021 at 04:52 PM.

  10. #10
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    Welcome Erika.I have been married nearly 30 years in a heterosexual relationship. I am in the closet. Wife found clothes 10 years ago . Doesn?t accept CD and made me purge.I don?t think we would still be together if it continued. Have few opportunities due to this and having 2 daughters living with us.Have been CD for 47 years and the urge never leaves. Think about it every day.But I don?t want to leave my wife . The consequences are just not worth it.

  11. #11
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    My wife and I have been together for 23 years, we're best friends as well as soul mates. I showed her my CD side about 10 years in, I took baby steps, partly because I didn't understand myself. After the initial "the talk" she's been accepting and supportive, been a few setbacks, but she also surprises me from time to time with new or handmedown clothes. Some times she wants me to hide it, other times she wants me to go to the sports bar in a skirt. (No, I haven't, and probably never will) As to hetero vs homo? I'm about as straight as a guy can get. I just like clothes, and a little jewelry. And some toenail polish. Maybe some mascara. And non-hairy skin.

  12. #12
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Heterosexual? A fine word, but do such people actually exist? If so then I have been in such a relationship for more than 40 years. We love love the bones of of one another. What ever heterosexual may be in practice, the mind will always be free to dream.
    Last edited by Jane G; 11-30-2021 at 05:21 PM.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I've been married 43 years. My wife discovered my CDing about 15 years ago. We're still in deep DADT. She doesn't want to see me dressed because she will never be able to unsee it. C'est la vie.

    I'm in a DC Girls social group and Steffi has more CD friends than I have friends. But my life is totally compartmentalized. Most people only know me as a guy, many people know me as a CD, and very few people know both sides of me.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 12-01-2021 at 11:29 AM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  14. #14
    Time to step out! Erin77's Avatar
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    Married 20 years now. Just this year my wife found a pair of my panties I had left in the wash. She went to switch the load and wellll... Boom we had the chat. Right now very DADT. I dress when I can and have girl friends that know. I joined a group up here but due to my work schedule I haven't been out with them yet. .

  15. #15
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Erika, I'm 15 years into my relationship with my wife. She is accepting and has gone out with me many times.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #16
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I have only had heterosexual relationships, currently for over 30 years. My spouse, to the best of my knowledge, doesn't know about my 'peculiar pastime.' I have noted that, in my case, a fulfilling relationship tended to hold my tendencies at bay. At this point, though, I seem to have 'let the geena out of the bottle,' to twist a phrase.

  17. #17
    Member nancy58's Avatar
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    Erika, you are lucky. FWIW, any relationship will have positive, negative, and indifferent aspects. As long as the Bottom Line is that you are committed to loving each other and working toward that every day, you will go far. Good luck!
    Nancy
    "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life that you love, you have to find the courage to live it." -- John Irving

  18. #18
    Member Gi Gondin's Avatar
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    Hi Erika, welcome to the forum. I hope you find support and also contribute with your thoughts with the rest of us.

    After 2 long term relationships without acceptance, including from myself, I found a million dollars girl! More than accepts she is 200% with me in this adventure. Even when my CDing urges are low, she keeps bringing the subject, buying me gifts, etc… love her to the bones!

    My message is always - life is to short, don’t waste your time with the wrong people. In every sense.

    Once again, welcome to the forum!

    Gi.

  19. #19
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
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    MissErika, I think you?ll find the experience with spouses is all over the place. And it isn?t necessarily the same through time. My wife of 41 years is fine with me wearing panties and was ok with bras for awhile but now does not to see me in nightgowns, bras, dresses or skirts. We?re deeply in love and committed to each other but my CD is not completely shared. Of course, I hope someday it might be.

  20. #20
    Member Misty_cder's Avatar
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    Erika, welcome to the site. My wife and I have been married for 21 years and have known each other for 30. I told her about my dressing after a few dates. She has been very supportive, helping me purchase clothing and make up. She has two simple rules, don’t dress in front of our kids (which I agree with) and don’t do anything that might harm my professional reputation (which I agree with too).
    I am just a guy who enjoys wearing women's clothing and there is nothing wrong with that.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member LIKETODRESS2's Avatar
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    Been with my gf for 5 half years. I told here about my girl side when we first started talking. At first she was unsure f she wanted to date me because of it. Afer a short tiem we went on a date and been together since

  22. #22
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Married for decades and she is fully supportive.
    We were just looking at the Today's Special Value on QVC and she wanted it but wasn't sure of the size. Just to be helpful I ordered 2 different sizes so she could try them and see which she preferred as they usually sell out quickly and an exchange would be iffy. Well when they arrived she tried it on and liked the top from one and the bottom from the other. Knowing you can't do that she asked me to try the other set on and then said, "if you like it and it fits we could be twins".
    I love her so...
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  23. #23
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    Married for 3 1/2 months together for 6 years. My wife if very supportive of my exploration into crossdressing. What I mean is that I've just started doing my toes into crossdressing, just panties and 1 bra so far. She had helped me size and pick out everything and is curious about crossdressing and why I like so far.

    I'm tureen grateful for her and her open mindedness.

  24. #24
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I asked my wife before we got married if I could wear women's clothes! Her response was: "There will be only one woman in this relationship!" 34 years and 5 months of repression (wore panties about 5 times and purged each time, wish I still had that black pair!) when my beloved wife passed on! Appropriate time of grieving then to K-Mart for panties! Then tuned in here and found my true self and am pre-op trans-sexual! That is the short version! By the way, I loved my wife very much! That is another story for another time! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  25. #25
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    My wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this year. When we were newly married we explored lingerie for me in the bedroom. It was no more than a sexual kink which grew into something more than a kink. That was in the early 1980's. It is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." She does not say anything negative about it since then; no snide remarks, nadda, nil, nothing. She does not hunt for my wardrobe which is "hidden in plain sight." We share a lot in common other than this cross dressing issue. One thing I came to realize decades ago was the belief I was pestering her for her approval because I had self loathing and self doubts. I figured if she accepted it, then it must be alright. When I came to the realization there was nothing wrong with me I decided to stop seeking her approval.

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