It took me a long time to accept I am a crossdresser. I enjoyed it when I was young but the shame and guilt that came with it back then was terrible. This led to me purging several times, now at least I know to never do that foolish thing again.
I successfully suppressed it for years, or so I thought, until it came back very strong about 8 years ago. I finally accepted it and am at peace and happy with it being in my life.
Last edited by Crissy 107; 01-11-2022 at 08:17 PM.
Crissy
Been crossdressing since my early teens but it wasn't until I was in my 40's that I realized it was a natural expression of who I wanted to be.
Of course it is "disturbing" when you first start. Fortunately, I was a curious kid and researched in books and encyclopedias. I didn't trust the uninformed opinions of adults or equally ignorant peers. Once I discovered that I was not trans or Gay, I felt a LOT better.---But my research started a more or less lifelong personal research into why I am doing what I am doing, and it has given me more insight into myself and others.
Kimberly, what you've described is absolutely normal for any crossdresser. I myself struggled with self-acceptance for many years, from the time I was twelve or thirteen until I was getting on toward thirty.
I was luckier than some in certain respects. I didn't get the same message hammered in the way some of us did, that "you must be gay" (and "repugnant to the society of the time") to dress in women's clothes, and I knew I wasn't gay anyway, since I was so much into girls and had so many crushes on girls as a teen. My refuge was the realization, gained from books, that I was apparently a "fetishist." But that still made me "weird," a "pervert" who might be regarded with horror by people at large. So it took me a long time to fully accept who I was--and that it was OK to be that way. We are, after all, a small minority that the large majority of people do not properly understand. And we're different from one another as well!--which complicates matters further.
In my case, though I am not "transgender," I recognize now that I have two parts to my personality--one male, one female--though I prefer to see them as separate, while accepting both. For instance, I acknowledge that I've enjoyed and felt comfortable with the company and conversation of women rather more than that of men. That was OK, but the crossdressing part--well, I guess the first "red flag" I bumped into was a girlfriend I briefly lived with in my twenties, who from numerous clues I realized would never have accepted the "feminine part" of me. Although we had regular sex, I couldn't resist being into her bras and panties, skirts and dresses anyway, any time she was gone. That taught me a lesson. This "thing" was never going to go away. After that, I confessed to another, more accepting girlfriend. That is a crucial step in self-acceptance: seek out the acceptance of others! It can take time and searching, but it works. Take care!
I started around the age of 12 or 13. I never thought that there were other crossdressers out there. For the first few years I thought I was a freak. It wasn't until I found this site I realized I wasn't a freak. But it still took longer for me to accept this was me. I was probably in my mid 20s when I fully accepted Christina as being a part of me.
To Marina twelve 200, I enjoyed your most recent post on this subject and, like you, I am not gay nor do I consider myself transgender. I am simply a heterosexual male who enjoys dressing up. But I was particularly interested in your last sentence where you have spent time researching why you are a cross dresser. Well me too and the internet has been helpful. But guess what, I still don?t know why we do what we do and other men don?t. But I?m still searching. I?m sure many of us are.
I'm sure that many posters are well read on the subject but, if you want a clear, recent, and seemingly accurate article on cross dressing, Psychology Today recently published this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/c...estic-disorder
While the title names transvestic disorder, the article notes that cross dressing is nota disorder.
So many new things to learn
transvestic disorder is the clinical term used for someone who has a serious problem when it comes to crossdressing and the use of the "opposite sex's" clothing for sexual arousal. Consider when a woman dons herself in sexy underwear to arouse both herself and her partner - there is nothing wrong with that. Similarly, crossdressing men can be sexually aroused from wearing women's clothing and it can be a healthy thing. But like all things it can become unhealthy and for such cases flagged as transvestic disorder. A related term is autogynephilia.
This is an interesting question. I'd never really considered myself a crossdresser until more recently. While I did play dressup to an extent with my mom's clothes as a pre-teen, the feeling largely subsided until the last year or so. I started wearing nightgowns to bed about 6 months ago and had a very frank discussion with my wife when I realized that yes, I am a closeted crossdresser.
For me no. I grew up all my life doing the girl thing with lots of help from others.
Harder being a boy now.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
For me, it took a lot of years to finally admit it and come to terms with it as being me. I've the usual story; raided my mom's closet first for pantyhose, then moving on to other things. I was entranced. I yearned for the day I could buy my own stuff. Fast forward to age 23. I'd been through a few purges, lots of self loathing, insecurity, desperation to keep a secret, etc. All the usual stuff I think for most people. I've been dating a wonderful woman for a couple of years at this point. I hadn't worn anything feminine for 2+ years, and I had nothing of my own, having purged when she and I got serious. She expresses a desire to see me in pantyhose. Why, I don't know. Decades on, I still know her (though I married someone else) and she doesn't even remember that.
So, I go out and get some pantyhose, come home, and then put them on in preparation for going over to her place. My mind just about exploded. It was a mind bending experience, such an incredible rush inside my soul to finally be crossdressing again. I realized then that it was something that was me, wasn't going to go away anymore than my eye color would, and that I would need to come to grips with being a crossdresser. Decades on, and I still struggle with it. But, I do accept it as being me, and my wife does as well. I'm a work in progress.
This is my big fear about cross-dressing, I can see how it could become a compulsive behavior very quickly. Great write-up.
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