Was it hard for you to admit it to yourself?

[Brooke B]

It wasn't until my mid 30's that I finally accepted that fact. I accepted it on my own level at first, but when my SO found out, I started some counseling. It was at that point when it really took off. I can't even imagine that I would be where I'm at now if I hadn't spoke out about it.

[Lacey New]

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Stephanie47,
I enjoyed reading your answer. I grew up in the same era as you did and share some of the same experiences and feelings about cross dressing. It has been a challenge to balance cross dressing with other expectations. I must say, that for me, being able to communicate with others, like you who have had to balance both sides has given me some peace inasmuch as I no longer view myself as being accused of being gay or that I am necessarily some kind of pervert. I guess we are both just plain old normal cross dressers.

[gwencd158]

After my second purge. Purged at marriage, and the birth of my first child. After that, I realized it would never go away.

[Jessica Secret]

In my teens yes but by my 20s it felt natural for me by that point and especially having a boyfriend by then I felt so fem and girly that I was completely comfortable with it and loved it, and like anything else in life if you love it it doesn't need an explanation - it just felt natural, thrilling, and was who I was.

[TheHiddenMe]

I was lucky. I knew I wanted to try on dresses when I was young (6 or 7) but when I got to my teens I figured out that I was a CD and I was OK with that, and almost 50 years later, I'm still OK with it.

[BTWimRobin]

Deep down, I always knew I was a CDer. But to admit it and accept it was very difficult.

[HollyGreene]

I tried cross-dressing as a young child. At the time I hadn't ever heard a term for it, but I immediately knew that I enjoyed it.
I would take the short opportunities to wear my sister's clothes when I could. Usually for just minutes at a time. It wasn't until a couple of years later until I heard the term transvestite, and I immediately knew that's what I was.
However, I overheard it in the context of gossip between my mother and a friend, talking about another friend who had caught her husband dressed in her clothes.
The tone of the conversation was that it was a shocking, terrible thing, so it instilled a sense of guilt in me. (It didn't stop me though!).
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I realised that's who I was, that it wasn't something I could change, and I started to lose the guilt.
It was still kept a dark secret until I was about 20 when I told my girlfriend of the time. She accepted it. Thought it was strange, but realised that it was totally harmless and could see it made me happy.
(Pity that relationship didn't last)

[MarinaTwelve200]

Fortunately, I was a "Book reading" kid, and when I started to CD, of course It bothered and confused me. But instead of suffering quietly or consult equally ignorant peers or "listen to what the other kids say", I looked it up in books, found out I was not gay and had a condition then called "Transvestism" or "Cross-Dressing". Sources were a bit vague then on what caused it, but at least my fears were allayed, and it was common enough to have a term associated with it.

[SaraLin]

Well, I've always been willing to admit it, but I've always struggled to figure out just what it is.

Crossdresser? No quite. It's not so much about the clothes themselves. They are just a way to express what I feel inside... a relief valve if you will.

Transgender? Um, again not quite. While I would love to be able to transition, it's not a NEED - and with the body I've got, I'd never achieve my goals anyway.

Non-binary? Maybe, but one thing I know for sure is that (for me!) I don't want is to get the "is that a man or a woman" reaction - or even worse "OMG that's a man in a dress" or "hey look - a tranny!" Whichever gender I'm presenting as, I want to be seen as that gender without anyone questioning it. So maybe a new term - bi-binary?

I know, I know - labels, who needs them? Ah but without words to describe ourselves and our situations, how can we?


NOW - as to accepting myself - that's a whole 'nuther story.
I still struggle with that.

[Linda K.]

I have always liked to wear women's clothes but never considered myself a crossdresser until recently. In the middle of my second divorce, neither had anything to do with dressing, I decided to buy my own outfits that fit me and I can dress when I can. I do have a roommate that may suspect I do. I started buying my own clothes just last year and really had no clue where I wanted to go with this. I then found this site, with all it's wonderful people, and knew this is what I wanted to do. I have a long way to go as I am still learning many things. I do know how comfortable and natural I feel while I am en femme and I don't think this will ever subside or be suppressed again.

[Jolene G]

I don't think it will fully hit me until I totally dress with clothes, makeup and a wig. So far I have just been dressing up.

[Wendy-Lyn]

I came to terms and accepted my crossdressing many years ago, and thought that would be it although I remained closeted.
But now I find myself having to come to terms with the fact that it has gone beyond 'just crossdressing, and that I no longer wish to be hiding away all the time.
This is going to prove to be both interesting, and a challenge.

[Heather76]

Aside from some isolated incidents as a youth trying on my mom's bras and later as an adult trying on my wife's panty hose, I never did any cross dressing until age 74. I have discovered I love wearing lingerie of all sorts. panties, stockings, bras, bralettes, and nighties are all fair game for me. I have had 3 dresses I purchased on-line as well as a petticoat. The dresses were all just about the right size but tight enough they gave a little at the seams. I tossed the dresses. I would like to buy a couple more but would prefer to wait until I'm ready to go into a store and use a fitting room. I'm not there yet.

Anyway, to answer the original question, it hasn't been at all hard to admit to myself that I love cross dressing. I knew from the moment I ANTICIPATED putting on my first pair of panties that I was in love with it. What would be extremely difficult would be to let anyone other than my wife know. If my wife were to pass before me, I suspect I'd let my children (currently ages 51 and 48) know so they wouldn't be flabbergasted to find their pop dead while wearing his girly wardrobe.

[alwayshave]

I know that at some level I knew I was a crossdresser my whole life as I started dressing when I was 4/5 years old. That being said I was in my mid thirties when I fully accepted who I am.

[KymG]

I dont think i have admitted it to myself.

[Emleeboy]

It hasnt been hard to admit it to myself that I?m a crossdresser but to others is another story.. i have only told my SO that I have this overwhelming feminine side that dressing up is my only outlet to express it. She has been supportive with the under dressing at times and the occasional time when I wear something fem for bedtime. ?crossdressing? hasnt been a term discussed directly. So although I am a crossdresser, it continues to be a topic that I carry some guilt and shame around that makes it hard to express it to others

[Brenda Freeman]

I new from a early age that I liked women's clothes and I was afraid someone might find out. It wasn't until I turned 50 that I finally tried on a complete outfit with wig and make up that I new I was a cross dresser and I liked it a lot. So I guess 50 I admitted, accepted it and now embrace it. I often wonder why it took so long as it is a normal part of me now. I think it was that afraid thing, I am glad things have improved in the acceptance department though society still has a long way to go. I think it took getting older to stop worrying what others think or preach and enjoy myself for who I am!

[Emleeboy]

It has been a long road to accepting myself and i still find it hard to put the crossdresser label on it?. My SO asked me not long ago if that was the case and although I knew the answer was yes, i could only bring myself to say that I?m curious and enjoyed the feminine expression that nylons, panties, bras and high heels give me

[Arindam]

Well, I've always been willing to admit it, but I've always struggled to figure out just what it is. ....I still struggle with that.

Well put.

I had a "problem" most posting didn't/don't. Very young, I "knew" I was gay, which was NOT a good thing to be in the 50's/60's. When I was mid-40, married and raising kids, I decided I had had enough of pretending to be straight and did the coming-out thing with disastrous results. Oh, well.

Once that had settled down, also --ironically-- did the need to identify who I was with a tiny portion of who I was. Also, there's a huge diff between recognizing that whom I could respond to sexually and the needing to act on that self-awareness. Also, I was tired of the hassles of dating, never mind working 84-hour weeks and actually liking that life-style. (When the project finished, I was cut loose for as much as a couple months. That's when I did my camping and fishing and "normal" living.)

After I retired from the waterfront, I switched over to trading for my own account. More long hours. Now I was living on New York time, as West coast traders have to, and going to sleep early enough that "dating" would be problematic, never mind that --once again-- I didn't want the hassles of another person in my life. Recently, though, with the idiot Fed having destroyed the bond market and any semblance of genuine price discovery in the equity markets, and with the commodities markets being more manipulated than ever, and with me finally realizing I was probably going to run out of life before I ever ran out of money, the opportunity fell into my lap to turn again inward and to ask "Who am I?" and "What do I want?" If truth be told, I've always wanted boobs. My choices were to grow 'em, or to buy 'em. The latter path made more sense, and the cross-dressing --which I had explored briefly and furtively as a kid-- now made sense.

If there's any guilt or conflict for me about embracing cross-dressing, it would come from seeming to be inconsistent with the Eight-Fold path. OTOH, Buddhism is a pretty tolerant, pretty flexible philosophy/religion. I guess I'll find out in my next incarnation.

Arindam

[Leslie Mary S]

As military Officers BRAT for 18 years, then as an Air Force NCO for 20 years, and then as a DoD - Army Civil Servant for 23 years. I rarely had a chance to think about it even there were occasions were I got to do it. Back in 1965 I tried on my first wig, (got a photo of me in it). Wife said 'NO!' when I asked about buying it. 'end of sublet!'. money was better spent on food for our family of 5 on an E-4's pay. As life progressed through time I did get to dress in some skits as a woman Square Dancer.
in 2000 my world crumbled. I was an empty nester and now a widower. I puttered around a bit, tried marriage again (divorced her), tried the seniors dating scene. Then started my photo studio and met my main model and her friend. They reintroduced me to cross dressing in 2006.
Wham! They opened Pandora's box.
Since them I have slowly spead up to where I am now. I did hit some rough roads (still on one) but am now discussing it about going more toward 24/7 but no drugs or operations. I am not that way. I still like a lot of the male things in my life, including woman. Presently I am alone. The last GG I had died in Dec 2021. Just me, my cameras, art, writing, and computer. Thinking of trying so more traveling this spring. I still on a limited budget.
So as you see there are a lot of us late bloomers hiding out there in our closets and in plane sight, looking for the right kind of friends. People who understand and accept us for who we are.

[Wendy-Lyn]

Leslie,, you could almost have been writing about me in your last two paragraphs. I am also a late-bloomer who crossdressed on and off for years, and I am also alone in life. I've finally come to realise and accept that I'm transgender to a degree, and I've decided I'm just going to go with it. I would present as a woman full-time, but that isn't practical. And like you, I still love women so I don't want (and couldn't afford) surgery 'down there' - although I wouldn't mind getting breast implants.

[CynthiaD]

Yes it took a long time. I was fully dressing in my teens, and bitterly ashamed of it. I went into denial for years forcing all crossdressing thoughts out of my mind — unsuccessfully. Then, in my late 50’s, I accepted it. I don’t know what tie trigger was, but I had found cd.com and that was certainly part of it. After I accepted myself, I’d wake up in the middle of the night crying tears of joy. The frustration and shame were gone. I didn’t have to pretend to be male anymore. I could cry at sad movies. I could wear nail polish and lipstick and pretty clothes. I didn’t have to avoid my naturally feminine mannerisms. I was finally free. I’m sitting here now in a sexy dress, breastforms and long blonde wig. And I’m happy as a clam.

[DianeT]

Hi Kimberly, I started around 11 and at that age I knew it was wrong to dress as a girl even if no written rules were mentioning that, and wrong to steal my mother's clothes. So I feared to be caught. But on the other hand I never felt ashamed of it. As much as I felt that people would frown over it, I didn't see the dressing as something wrong in essence, or immoral. It was just another experience. And since I was hooked from the very first time I did it, I never questioned the fact that I would probably never stop, and I knew it was a part of me, even if I didn't know how to name what I was doing.
So it wasn't hard to admit it, I actually never had to "admit" it. It just became one of my proclivities, like many other creative hobbies I had (and still have). I have to immerse myself in my female clothes once in a while, like I need to wander in other worlds of my own making, built with my short stories, my music, and a few other solitary things that make me feel well and soothed. I don't have to admit what I am because to speak the truth I am not a crossdresser, not a transgender, or anything I need to name. I'm just curious me, trying things and living experiences, in a fleeting moment where the rest of the world recedes in the background and I feel calm and content.

[DanielleCD]

It was quite a struggle when I was a teenager. The why does this feel so good.. so right.. I thought there was something wrong with me. Took many years and a therapist to get me over the hurdle, that I am a CrossDresser. That it's okay. And damn if feels so good when I have forms and a bra on. When I'm wearing stockings and a dress.

[Raychel]

When I was younger there was a lot is shame and denial going on in my head. After many years have past. I have told most of my friends and family. I have grown to accept that this is part of who I am.
And when I get a chance to dress. I embrace it to the fullest.
Sometimes when I am traveling I have to push Raychel into the background.those times can be tough. But I get thru it. And enjoy my time at home. When I get there

So yes. It took me some 40 years to accept myself and can now enjoy it