I debated posting to the lounge, but it directly pertains to CDing, so here goes. Some of you know I have had major heart problems. I've had CABG (quad bypass) and umpteen other things done. I knew I was coming up on heart cath time at some point, but wasn't certain when or what was going to happen. So I had a nuclear stress test in November, got my hands on the report, my doc said I had "small to medium blockages." When I saw the PA a week later, I asked her where they were. She said all up and down the left side but not in the LAD (widowmaker, most important artery in your body) itself. Ok, cool. Then no cause for concern, we'll do a cath, probably a stent or two, miss a couple days of work, no biggie.
Cath day arrives. They take me on the stretcher to the cath room. They start prepping me, they make small talk, I tell them this is my sixth time, I know what to expect. Power goes out. They realize it's gonna take a minute to fix. They pull me into the hallway. Power gets fixed about ten minutes later. My doctor is clearly irritated by the delay. They get started... they forget to set up the curtain over my chest so I can't see what they're doing as they go into my groin. Whatever. I ask about five minutes in if we're starting anesthesia yet (two types, one to numb so you don't feel, a secondary to make you feel drugged up and out of it, "twilight" so you're awake but not really aware of what's happening). I get odd looks... I have my head up watching the doc cath me and ask the tech next to me questions the whole time (that 1.5 number he called out, that's a stent?). I hear him state he is having trouble getting the stent in. Suddenly, a brief, heartburn pain goes into my left side of the chest. I call him the F word and then laugh it off... sorry, that kinda hurt though, Doc. I am completely in charge of my faculties and aware if everything going on. We finish, I tell the tech that something didn't go right with the anesthesia, he says they noticed. Whatever. Make it upstairs, all goes well, the constant left side pain I was used to is gone. Cool. The PA comes by to see me next morning to discharge me. She tells me it went well but he thinks I have a genetic condition causing hardening of the arteries, also only did one stent. Ok.... I go home, access the online patient portal and pull the cath report. I become shocked....
Preoperative findings: 1) Total occlusion of Left Anterior Descending Artery.
How? How was this not know before the procedure, after the detailed scans? HOW AM I EVEN ALIVE?
Ok, I said CDing was tied in. Here's how: Through work, I used the Employee Assistance Program to see a therapist. The one I saw until October helped me with work issues but had no experience with CD/TG issues, so she recommended another. That one was not taking patients so I found one that did telehealth. We have talked about how I know I am not gonna live forever, and trying to balance Allison with my male side has been even more difficult lately- kids are always home and there's not much girl time. I don't wanna leave this life feeling like I didn't fully live it. At this point, I've finally accepted Allison is me, period. I don't know how to define that, I don't need to live full time, sex change, etc, but I feel like my male and female sides have to both be able to live together, and knowing that once again, I've walked away from something I shouldn't have, I have to live my life as I see fit, not trying to conform to everyone else's expectations.
Anyway, a bit of a rant but the lesson is, you don't know when your time is up, so live your life.
