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Thread: What do you get out of it? Or how did you find it out?

  1. #1
    Struggler with CDing Pixie_94's Avatar
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    What do you get out of it? Or how did you find it out?

    Hello everyone, Pixie here! I hope you are having a nice day.

    I didn't think I'd post another thread here after some time I tried to find new hobbies, to be productive or looking for a "cure" once again. Though, about the second, I finally got a job! And it has helped about any feelings of usefulness, but that's not the focus of my thread.

    Recently, as I'm more in my senses than when depressed or the like I remembered a question that a friend of mine has often asked whenever the topic of my crossdressing (or the urges to do it) arises. A question that instead of being easy to answer for me, it's rather a headache or my mind becomes sort of blank, it is "What do you get out of it?". Unable to say a response that isn't something too vague or cheap. Never able to say a reason besides "it's comfortable", even less when getting a response similar to "What do you mean? [Garment(s)] are very uncomfortable!". Not too long ago she even told me that getting to an answer takes some introspection, especially with her statement after that, which I know many of you will identify with: "For me crossdressing seems like a way to be a different person", which I have honestly never understood to be honest, but I see it's common among many of you here, which is curious to me.

    So, at least for you, how did you get to find out your actual reasons to do what brings us to this nice online portal?

    I'm sorry if any part of this comes out as nonsense or confusing.

  2. #2
    Time to step out! Erin77's Avatar
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    That a very astute question. It makes me wonder what I get out of it... Me, my time dressed as Erin is my time to feel relaxed and at ease. My life has been a journey of self acceptance and discovery. Being here is a place to meet others that have similar interests, life experiences and also to learn from those who came before me down this path. That is why I'm here and what I get out of this site.

  3. #3
    Junior Member jaquie's Avatar
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    Glad you got a job : ).
    Yes crossdressing is a strange hobby. This is such a large question and for myself I like to feel soft and vulnerable and pretty. Sometimes I say to myself when I get home I am going to slip into something more uncomfortable. I like the creativity of putting together an outfit then working on feminine mannerism's. The dark side is when you go out and guys drool all over you. Guys can be so creepy. I like coming here as this is a comfortable place to share thoughts although just sharing through electronic messages can be lonely.
    Reading post's like Erin77's makes me happy, there are many thoughtful people on this board.
    J

  4. #4
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    This website is what has enabled me to understand and fully appreciate why I love to cross dress!

    Reading the posts of members of this site who are all on different points of the transgender spectrum helped me to realise what I did not get out of the this hobby, as much as what I did get out of it.

    As a result, I am able to enjoy what I do and what I choose to wear, without feeling guilty or ashamed.

    I am finally comfortable in my skin and in the clothes I choose to wear. It has been a long journey.

  5. #5
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    It took many decades to go through countless questions and answers of my own to find the true answer. It is so simple and one word, Satisfaction. It satisfies more needs, emotions and desires than one can write in volumes. When I found that all these things were driving me and crossdressing releaved them all for me, for what ever time I choose to indulge dressing I was satisfied. The rest of you may feel different or even disagree but this is my reality and I'm sharing it the only way possible. Writing it for your review.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I came around to crossdressing much later in life than most. I just know that it seems to fill a need that was unaddressed throughout most of my life. As I've spent most of my life trying to find out what it was I was missing I now choose not to question too much why, not only when I am dressed but even in male mode do I find I feel so much better psychologically. There are many short term benefits - the emotional high when dressed, the erotic sensations, the ability to live "in the moment" and others are obvious, but the overall feeling of self acceptance, maybe for the first time in my life, cannot be denied. Again perhaps because I am a late bloomer I have not experienced the guilt or shame that many here describe in an earlier day or even still. I feel quite fulfilled.
    And, even when I am not dressed, I can visit others in the community of crossdressers by coming here and engaging in discussion with everyone...companionship,validation, conversation and education all in one.

    No therapy was ever able to get me to this place, but I am so happy I am here!

  7. #7
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    I gave up looking for a reason decades ago. When I realized it was something that was part of me and was not going away no mater how hard I tried. So I embraced it and turned it into something I enjoy vs something I was tormenting myself over. Some things you just can not explain. And I loved this forum, it is the best one out there.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    I don't need to get anything "out of it." This is simply who I am. The framing of this question implies that what we do is some kind of habit or learned behavior that we choose to engage in, not something that is inherent to our character and/or identity. What does a left-handed person get out of writing with their left hand, when most people are right-handed? Obviously, people ask this question because they are curious, not to offend, but it is a constant reminder that we are (still) often perceived to be misfits or freaks for engaging in this behavior.

  9. #9
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    Those kinds of questions would be difficult for me to answer, even after sixty+ years of introspection. Certainly, there is some sort of pleasure derived, but the term comfort is so often used. It might be that we experience the absence of discomfort when we dress in a way that feels congruent with our self image.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 02-25-2022 at 10:16 AM.

  10. #10
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pixie_94 View Post
    Never able to say a reason besides "it's comfortable", even less when getting a response similar to "What do you mean? [Garment(s)] are very uncomfortable!"..
    As near as I can figure, wearing female specific clothing satisfies (at least a bit) of gender identity dysphoria. This is reflected in the large number of men who claim that women's clothing is 'more comfortable' than male clothing, despite this generally being disproven by all the women who prefer men's clothes. The incredible number of men who just can't wait to put on a bra when they get the chance, again, despite women hating the things, supports this as well.

    It seems like there's always those two guys, the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and unless we're dressed as our subconscious tells us to, one or the other is constantly poking us, telling us, 'Hey, you're in the wrong clothes', over and over until we acquiesce. Then we feel 'better'. It's a psychological mechanism most aren't able to describe, we just have to do it to feel 'right'.

    The reason for the GID is still unknown for most.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 12-21-2021 at 09:12 AM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member
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    An erotic experience. A kind of foreplay if you will.

  12. #12
    Member
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    For me it's simply getting in touch with a fem side that I feel I've always had that started to come out in my early teens. I love gorgeous lingerie and how luxurious, relaxing, and emotionally satisfying it is for me to wear it, which is the ultimate femininity in my opinion. I think my love of beautiful/romantic lingerie is what ultimately led me to wanting a boyfriend so I would have someone who would tell me how beautiful I looked in it and be turned on by seeing me wear it in addition to how beautiful I felt wearing it and therefore "confirm" my femininity if you will.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    As Monica said "it's just who I am" and it makes me feel complete ...................Debra

  14. #14
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    "What do I get out of it?" If you've seen any pics of Sherry with this skinny, old, man inside her and u still don't understand yet?

    I guess u never will!

    P1610062 (1280x1258).jpg
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #15
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    I get to wear clothes and experience things from the female side. All the things they wear just make you look so much better, and they feel softer and smoother too. Most importantly, it helps to bring out my feminine side.
    Probably what I get out of it the most is, I feel sexy, and I mean very sexy. As a man, I'm nothing to look at, never have and most likely never will. I guess I figure if I cannot be a sexy man, I can be a sexy woman. Of course, I put zero effort into looking sexy as a man, and 100% as a woman. Part of the reason why I do this is because women just have sexier bodies. And while I can only do so much to give the appearance of curves, I still look like a sexy woman. For me, that is what seals the deal.
    Before I go, I should mention too that sometimes I like to look cute. Women have an awful lot of things to make them look cute, and so I like to wear things that make me cute as well. I don't think men go for a cute look, but rather a tough manly type look. So looking cute as a man is harder. Doesn't matter anyway, as I want to look and feel like a woman, not a man when I dress up.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I kind of think about like golf, a hobby that's much more acceptable than crossdressing.

    Why would someone chase a little white ball all over the place, from one side of the fairway to the other. For the reward pu hitting it long and straight down the center, and then again, and putting a whole series of these together to get a good score at then end.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Escapism, relaxation, fulfilment, peace of mind., a feeling of calm.An opportunity to be someone else . To be pretty and glamorous which cannot be obtained as a man in drab. A safe stress release that does not involve drugs or alcohol.Umpteen reasons . I could write a book but don?t want to get bogged down in paralysis by analysis.I think Sherry sums it up perfectly.
    Last edited by Debbie Denier; 12-21-2021 at 03:31 PM. Reason: .

  18. #18
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    I get to express my female side.
    Amanda

  19. #19
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    I think Debbie read my mind. I couldn?t have said it better. I can?t explain or understand it, heaven knows I?ve tried, but it?s definitely a part of my life style and I love it.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member
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    What do I get from this? An escape from my male life, a vacation of sorts. I have a busy life with many demands from many people. Please do not misunderstand: I chose my male life and I worked hard for decades to get it because I enjoy all that it is. But sometimes I need a break, a solace where I not only do a completely different life, I am a completely different person. There is nothing that I can think of that is more completely different than to change my gender appearance. (Transitioning is not for me. I enjoy my male life too much to transition.). Maybe just a couple hours in the closet is mildly refreshing and often sufficient. Sometimes a day or an evening out and about does it for me. I can walk right by people who I know well and never be recognized. It is a private escape of unimaginable proportions. It recharges my soul. My wife figured this out before I did, yet she does not understand. She asks me, ?What is it about [male name] that you want to escape?? I know but I have difficulty putting it into words.

    Being pretty. As a guy, I am many things, but somewhat pretty or attractive has not been among them. As a woman, I have a chance to be pretty if I do the work. I love wearing pretty clothes, styling my dark hair, changing my face into a prettier one, feeling beautiful. When I am complimented as pretty, it really makes my day. I have related several instances on this forum. Doc has this figured out. Look at Sherry and look at Doc and the reason to look like Sherry is abundantly evident. When I was five years old, one of my friends had a twin sister who was drop dead gorgeous even at that age. Her Mum dressed her to emphasize that fact. I resolved to look as gorgeous as my female peers. I will never achieve that goal but it sure is fun to try.

    Makes the mundane exciting. Kim Huddle, a fellow who is well known for her travels dressed as a woman, said it best. Travel can be boring and tedious and even dangerous. (Try being an ordinary guy that a TSA agent decides to dislike.). Traveling dressed as a woman livens up the process. It brings back excitement and wonder. Even the realm of risks and protections are much different for a woman. Going to a theatre is fun. Going as a woman is a whole different adventure, a completely different perspective. Try doing so when the show has a sexual perspective. It is really a different experience. That is true for an enormous range of things to do. It is a new perspective on life. Because I do it infrequently, it retains much of its bloom.

    Therefore, I can answer the question of what do I get from this. That I can identify. Why do I do it is something else entirely and more difficult to explain.
    Last edited by abby054; 12-21-2021 at 08:17 PM.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I would also say that Debbie described it very well for me. I still don't see it as "who I am." The few times I have gotten really introspective I discovered how complicated I am. Cross dressing is for me the great escape, and I can be relaxed, excited, and exhilarated to just try and be pretty and have fun.

  22. #22
    Member nancy58's Avatar
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    Many times, dressing up as a woman is purely erotic for me, but once I have calmed down, it's just comfortable, like being held feels. I can look in a mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful, which is something that the male me would never tolerate. There are probably some endorphins or other things that are released. I never get to the end of a session thinking "Thank God I can take this stuff off." I always feel the same kind of regret I feel when coming back from a weekend trip, that it wasn't quite long enough, and the place I'm leaving is not as nice as the place I'm coming back to.
    Nancy
    "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life that you love, you have to find the courage to live it." -- John Irving

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I have a vivid memory from childhood, from Kindergarten, of envying a blouse and skirt outfit a girl was wearing and wishing I could wear such pretty things. My desire to be female started early. I would say that what I get out of wearing female clothing is affirmation. I experience my daily underdressing as affirming ? affirming that I am not ALL male inside. When I have an opportunity to fully dress, wear my forms, wig, etc., I feel affirmed, happy, calm, sometimes even euphoric. One reason that I do not dress as often as I used to is because I experience such an intense dysphoria, let-down, when I change back from him to her.

    I have come to understand myself as a non transitioning mtf trans person, so to me, crossdressing is far from a hobby or an escape, although I have no judgement of those who experience it that way. Nancy

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    As strange as it might sound, I'd have to say I get a feeling of "appropriate-ness."

    Sure I've had the thrill, the sexy feelings, the sense of -um- naughtiness, but none of those are why I persist -no- NEED go continue.
    I do what I do simply because it's the only way for me to feel deep down that I'm dressed "right." Feminine garb is what I'm supposed to wear, because I was supposed to be a girl.

  25. #25
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=abby054;4557189]What do I get from this? An escape from my male life, a vacation of sorts. I have a busy life with many demands from many people. Please do not misunderstand: I chose my male life and I worked hard for decades to get it because I enjoy all that it is. But sometimes I need a break, a solace where I not only do a completely different life, I am a completely different person. There is nothing that I can think of that is more completely different than to change my gender appearance. (Transitioning is not for me. I enjoy my male life too much to transition.). Maybe just a couple hours in the closet is mildly refreshing and often sufficient. Sometimes a day or an evening out and about does it for me. I can walk right by people who I know well and never be recognized. It is a private escape of unimaginable proportions. It recharges my soul. My wife figured this out before I did, yet she does not understand. She asks me, ?What is it about [male name] that you want to escape?? I know but I have difficulty putting it into words. ]

    It's EXACTLY the same for me-----Indeed I had to read your post TWICE to make sure I wasn't reading something I wrote that YOU lifted from me-----And I Like the feeling of "being pretty" too. So WE must exist as a specific "Type" of CDer along with several other types.

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