I have a vivid memory from childhood, from Kindergarten, of envying a blouse and skirt outfit a girl was wearing and wishing I could wear such pretty things. My desire to be female started early. I would say that what I get out of wearing female clothing is affirmation. I experience my daily underdressing as affirming ? affirming that I am not ALL male inside. When I have an opportunity to fully dress, wear my forms, wig, etc., I feel affirmed, happy, calm, sometimes even euphoric. One reason that I do not dress as often as I used to is because I experience such an intense dysphoria, let-down, when I change back from him to her.
I have come to understand myself as a non transitioning mtf trans person, so to me, crossdressing is far from a hobby or an escape, although I have no judgement of those who experience it that way. Nancy
