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Thread: Pro tips

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2021

    Pro tips

    OK so lets say that theoretically I will be going to a different city next month and have worked up the courage too venture outside my hotel room en femme.

    the Hotel and destination LGBTQ bar are about a two block walk away(Selected for this reason). I've been to the bar before in drab- totally cool place.

    Safe area, generally LGBTQ friendly, but a lot of foot traffic/bars. So safe because of numbers, risk because the possibilities of drunks.

    I've mapped it out, less than 5 minute walk.

    Pro tips on maximizing safety and experience.


  2. #2
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    It's a big step, I know because I have been there. To think back how uncomfortable I was at being "caught" versus where I am now is really quite surprising. I have found that in the end, its not really that big of a deal. I've done the late night walk, I've done the daylight drive, I've been out to a bar, I've gone out to a show, I've been out to a fancy dinner. Just recently I flew on a plane en femme. My point is that it keeps getting easier. You may be a bundle of nerves the first time you do it, I certainly was. Just try to have fun and enjoy yourself. Some people may "clock" and you'll see both positive and negative reactions, others may ignore you. If I had to guess it will be surprisingly easy for you once you are on your way.

    Tips -
    It doesn't matter what anyone else says or how they react, you be you, enjoy it.
    Keep your head up, there is no need to hide because you're not doing anything wrong.
    Engage with other people in a positive manner, chat with the bartender, show you are open to interacting with other people.
    But don't force interactions, its ok just to sit and people watch while you enjoy your drink.
    Don't panic. If there is a drunkard who is harassing you, don't leave and end up alone on the street where they could follow. Ask the bartender for help.
    Don't psyche yourself out of it, the bird has to leave the nest sometime.
    Rebecca Bas

  3. #3
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    It sounds like a neighborhood where a woman walking alone for two blocks would have little to worry about. If that's the case, go out, enjoy yourself, and follow Heisthebride's tips.
    My tip: Leave the heels in your room unless you are very comfortable walking, or running, in them.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Brenda Freeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    HeistheBride tips are spot on Sabine. My first time took me several attempts to get out of the car. I kept waiting for people to stop walking by. You just have to open that door and GO! No turning back, Hold your head high and walk with confidence even if your heart is beating like crazy (mine did) and smile. This is what you have lived for! ENJOY!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    The word you will hear is Confidence. My first time out I learned one key thing: This is ME. I'm not a guy pretending to be a girl and afraid to be caught. This is me, and how I want to look right now, and I'm going to enjoy it.

    P.S. I'm hardly a 'pro,' but I have learned from some.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    I have done this many times, and anything over 1 to two blocks, I will use Uber or Lyft for transportation. You do not have to worry about someone following you and their drivers never care. In fact, when I was in El Paso, my driver showed me a picture of himself en femme, so cool.

    I agree about sitting at the bar and chatting up the bartender as sometimes others nearby may chime in and chat with you. Relax and have a few drinks but do not get drunk. Make sure to tip your bartender well. I always do and even that can trigger a friendly chat. It may be scary at first but as soon as you have some friendly conversations that will melt away. Whatever you do, do not go hide in the corner. It is easy to do that at first but you will have more fun if you get in the middle of it all. You just have to trust me on that as I have gone to 26 different clubs around the US and I have a great time going out. You can too. Good luck.


  7. #7
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    Sabine, Just go. Really, no one cares. Out in the wild I have only had positive experiences. Even when I was referred to with a male pronoun, I didn't let it bother me.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Sabine, Just go. Really, no one cares. Out in the wild I have only had positive experiences. Even when I was referred to with a male pronoun, I didn't let it bother me.
    You are officially the first person ever to call me by Sabine.

    Your certificate is in the mail.

  9. #9
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Sherlyn was nervous the first time all those years ago.
    The key is …..imagine it in your mind… an actress if you will……do not look around seeing if someone is looking at you. Walk with confidence.
    Acting nervous and looking around nervously makes others look to see what’s up. Just act confident and dress appropriately. Do not wear a extremely short skirt and extremely high heels, do not give a reason to give a second look.
    If you like to dress for attention…your first time out is not the time .
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  10. #10
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    British Columbia
    Pro tip: wear something sexy but not overtly sexual. All the fun, none of the wrong vibes.

  11. #11
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    The only time I've had troubles is when someone followed me!

    When u leave the bar, look around before u walk out. Then, stop just outside for a minute or 2. If anyone comes out and approaches u? Go back inside to chat!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    It sounds like a neighborhood where a woman walking alone for two blocks would have little to worry about. If that's the case, go out, enjoy yourself, and follow Heisthebride's tips.
    My tip: Leave the heels in your room unless you are very comfortable walking, or running, in them.
    Indeed, we are safest when LOTS of people are around. A few years ago I went to see U2 dressed. Took the train, which stopped across the street from the arena. Lots of people on the train, lots walking to the train. Felt completely safe.

    One pro tip, with my adaptation of Aunt Kelly's advice (stolen from Julie Slowinski). Have a big enough purse to stuff your heels into, and wear the flats for the walk to the venue, then put the heels on at the venue. Trust me, it was a lot easier walking down the stairs after the U2 concert in my flats as opposed to my ankle strap heels.

    Relax and you'll be fine. You can even venture into non-LGBT venues and still be fine.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    Author Sagelllini (with three lower case "Ls") at

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    New England
    It was already said, but your first outing is not the time to wear that awesome ****ty dress and those sexy 5" stilettos. Especially not if you're solo. Enjoy yourself, tip the bartender well, you are basically hiring a friend for the time being. Have fun!
    Last edited by char GG; 12-31-2021 at 07:00 AM. Reason: Post content was duplicated

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    NJ, where else?
    Geena, great advice! I'm so sorry I took so long to get to that place with this, but once you're there you can really enjoy yourself.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Myrtle Beach SC
    Wear something that you feel comfortable in.
    Something flattering and appropriate for the venue.
    BE CONFIDENT, don't act mousy, be a lion.
    Be aware of your surroundings but don't always be looking over your shoulder, just be aware.
    Don't get drunk.
    Check the mirror several times before walking out of the house.
    Have a backup pair of shoes.
    Carry some sort of self protection.
    Be friendly but don't push yourself on people.

  16. #16
    Member Zoeytgtx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Middle of AR.
    Anytime you are considering leaving your room be sure you have your purse or one of your room keys. This avoids getting locked out and having to get another at the front desk. Don?t ask why I seem to know about this!!!
    Rookie mistake…..

    Hugs and enjoy, Zoey

  17. #17
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    If you've never walked that route before I'd recommend using Google Street View to check it out. Having that little bit of familiarity with the place takes away any unexpected surprises,

    As others have said, unless you've walked on hard pavements for any distance in heels don't do it on this trip. Walking around the house is totally different. Heels that are too high can ruin an evening if you find yourself standing chatting for any length of time.

    The choice is yours but I'd say don't over guild the lily. I've been in bars frequented by other CD'ers who've worn things that would look stunning on an 18 year old model but just doesn't work on a male frame. By all means show a bit of leg and cleavage but keep it in moderation. The last thing you want us to feel self conscious and awkward.

    Remember, women guard their handbags with their lives. If you've found a seat and need to go to the bar, don't just take your coin purse, take your handbag with you.

    Trust your spider sense. If you get chatting with someone and it doesn't feel right then have faith in your instincts. You may not, and this us totally understandable, want to break away and end your evening early but have a plan for when it is time to go. Grab a cab and resist the "I'll give you a lift" offers. You need to think like GG's think. Welcome to their world.

    I'll end by saying over the years I've had nothing but positive experiences. Don't drink too much, remember which toilet to use (and sit down!) Remember to wash your hands and tidy your hair and take your lippy with you to freshen up your look in the mirror.

  18. #18
    Member Julia B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Northern New England
    Slip on that dress, step into those pretty shoes, and walk outside.
    Put your shoulders back, you chest and hips out and be sure to walk slower than you think. Be confident and know that people really don?t care as much as we fear. A confident person walking calmly and proudly on the street says woman, a person nervously rushing with her shoulders slumped says man in a dress.
    YOU GOT THIS GIRL, go out and have some fun!

  19. #19
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Nearing the end of the trail.
    Safety? 1). Go early and stay relatively sober. 2) dress in a non-hooker manner. 3) carry a can of pepper spray 4) keep your keys in your hand on the way back to the car and 5) leave with a group

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