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Thread: Wife Led Marriage and CD

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    My impression of who is leading a relationship is that the person who has the strongest boundaries and most aggressively enforces those boundaries is in charge. My boundaries have always been more flexible than my wife's, so she had much more influence over the relationship. There has been a lot of grief over that situation and it finally came to a head twenty or so years ago. Oddly, about the time that things settled into a new norm, of her greater respect for my boundaries, crossdressing entered the picture out of the blue. She is tolerant and even accepting of my style choices around the house, and that's what crossdressing is for me, style choices. I'm totally a man-in-a-dress who begrudgingly adheres to societal norms out in the real world.

    As far as daily chores and honey-do's, my wife's standards are much higher than mine. I totally appreciate when she is direct in her requests for specific things. But, I maintain my boundary of setting priorities in getting them done, even if my priority is relaxing for a bit. We've both learned to be patient in that respect.

  2. #27
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Nancy, thank you for your response.

    Quote Originally Posted by NancyJ View Post
    ... but so far, I love it!
    Quote Originally Posted by NancyJ View Post
    This is a lifestyle choice. I hesitate to go too much into the details in this forum, but the term is well-defined elsewhere on the internet.
    Quote Originally Posted by NancyJ View Post
    I actually like the clarity of submitting to her and knowing what it takes to please her.
    You use the term "lifestyle choice" without defining it. There are two types of lifestyle choices. One involves making conscious decisions when it comes to diet, exercise, getting enough sleep, spirituality, homeschooling, coparenting, living in defined communities with shared values (for example hippies communes), the use of alternative medicines and practices, etc. The other is defined as an "alternative" lifestyle, which is a lifestyle perceived to be outside the cultural norms and is associated to varying degrees with sexual practices, including crossdressing and transvestism, nudism, polyamory, swinging, BDSM practices, power exchanges involving submission and control, etc. There is no thrill associated with the first type of lifestyle choice, but by it's association with sexual practices, the second type of lifestyle choice involves receiving a thrill.

    The first clue in your posts that speaks to me of a thrill (or kink), is your stating that you love the lifestyle with an exclamation mark! The second clue is your reluctance to go into too much detail in this forum, I assume given the forum rules about not being sexually explicit. The third clue is your use of the phrase "submitting to her". Although all marriages involve one person taking the lead more than the other in what they enjoy or are good at, this hardly fits the term "submission".

    And my question was, does your wife see your relationship in the same way you do. My spidey senses tell me no, given how you describe what she wants:

    Quote Originally Posted by NancyJ View Post
    This time she agreed stipulating what she really wanted was for me to show that I could really listen to her feelings and put her first.
    I'll mention something I've spoken about on the forum many times before. There are wedges in marriages when there is a third party involved, when this third party is either another person that a partner is having an affair with, or when a partner finds release or is gratified by something that is outside of having a sexual relationship with his or her spouse, whether this is with an object or a practice such as the crossdressing that the spouse does not equally receive gratification.

    Given what I've gleaned over the years from GGs living with CDers, your description above that your wife wants to know that you do not put the crossdressing above her is a hint that she may not look at your "lifestyle choice" the same way you do. She wants you to put her first, which is something that all wives of husbands who are engaged in alternative practices want. She does not live in your head, she has no way of knowing what the crossdressing means to you or what you do with it when you are alone, other than the light she senses in your eyes at the prospect; the light that she wishes would sparkle for only her. And so I cannot help feeling that to her, your agreement to put the crossdressing decisions in her hands is proof that you prioritize her and not the crossdressing. So she is happy.

    If this makes sense. Forgive me for not being more precise, I have only the few words that you posted to go on.
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-03-2022 at 01:30 PM. Reason: got rid of question marks
    Reine

  3. #28
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    Hmmmmm....

    Is about all I can say on this topic at the moment.

    I reflect back to 1994 when my late wife and I began to date. We knew each other for about 6 years so we had a friend relationship under our belts going into dating relationship.

    That began an incredible relationship until she passed away last June 2nd....

    Now I am starting 2022 on my new life's journey and being a female will be one of my key cornerstones going forward...

    It's all I can do or say with everything going on in the world and such...time to become Stephanie most of the time.

    Good luck to all of you girls and a happy new year.

  4. #29
    Member 1958Candi's Avatar
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    Reine, Thank you for always providing thoughtful and helpful takes on many topics in this forum. There are so many shades of gray on this particular topic and how it gets interpreted. You are on the mark about it being an alternative lifestyle. Typically it includes elements of cuckolding, feminization and other forms of fem domme. This is not just about having the wife pay the bills and decide whether to add an extension. For me, the fantasy is a cuckold relationship with my wife. I asked her if she would find it exciting to be with other men and the response was a resounding NO. So it will never be discussed again. She has no interest in any of my fantasies and fetishes (including crossdressing, therefore I am deeply DADT). But while crossdressing and its many tributaries dominate the discussions here, it should be pointed out that, for many of us who are fetishists, our lives are not dominated by our dressing desires and/or accompanying fetishes. It just seems that way because that is all we discuss here. But most of our lives are comfortably male with a strong desire to please our wives. My wife is fantastic and I love her more than I did when we married 40 years ago. But if the world was perfect, she would have your openness to listening and trying to understand these alternative desires (even if she still rejects them). Your husband is a lucky guy!

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Candi, With all due respect, I have no idea where you are getting your information. I have never seen any reference to cuckolding in any of the material I have read on Wife-Led Marriage. Perhaps you are looking at porn sites. This is nowhere near anything that I would ever present to my wife. At this point I regret that I ever posted this thread. It has created little but misunderstanding.

    I have responded to Reine in a private message. I will not be responding to any further postings on this thread. Nancy

  6. #31
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Just to be clear, there are indeed relationships based on a negotiated power exchange: an agreement where one willingly submits to the other who then willingly agrees to dominate. This is a fairly common arrangement within the very vast realm of BDSM. The key here is that it is negotiated and both parties are fully aware of and agree to the status quo and all the implications.

    In contrast, when one partner decides that allowing a wife, who previously was reluctant to support the crossdressing, full say about when, where, and how much he should dress, he needs to make sure that his wife is fully aware of the submission/domination dynamics of a BDSM power exchange before he labels his relationship as such. Else he is at risk of engaging in a submission fantasy while his wife merely thinks that her devoted husband cares about her feelings and her ambivalence toward the crossdressing.

    So before I go to my in-box to read your message, let me just say to others reading this thread they need to take care that their wives know exactly what fantasies their husbands entertain, before labeling their marriages as a power exchange (FLM/WLM/FLR/etc). If their wives agree, then of course they should label their relationships as such.
    Reine

  7. #32
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    As the OP mentioned they are not going to respond anymore to the thread besides that I think it has
    run its course so I am closing it.
    Last edited by Di; 01-04-2022 at 05:45 PM.
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