Sorry Girls it is long
Timeline: In early December I took my weekend trip to Maryland. I spent the entire weekend there en-femme. I returned home and then joined this group. I posted my first submission to the forum titled My Story. All though my wife knew about my dressing many of the suggestions were that I had not done a great job over the years of communicating my needs and wants for dressing. I also had not given her a chance to discuss her concerns and boundaries. I could not have agreed more and after this feedback I knew I needed to revisit this conversation with her.
On Christmas Eve we went shopping at LL Bean for a new coat for me. I found one that I liked, and we proceeded to the checkout. The SA had long nails that were painted a glossy white. They looked so good on them. As we got in the car and began the drive home, I was waiting for the question. In situations where gender is in question my wife will ultimately turn to our adult daughter and ask, "is that a boy or a girl." I asked her what made that so important and what was the problem. She said I have a lot of problems with that and was becoming defensive. I just sat quietly for the rest of the ride home.
The week of Christmas moving to New Year?s Eve I was feeling a lot more anxiety and depression. I knew I had to have this conversation but became scared again after her comments. I have also had a lot of insomnia recently and the morning of NYE was one of them. I was up around 3 and got out of bed closer to 4. She got up around 5 and fed the cats and came to sit down on the couch. She asked what was wrong with me and I replied just unable to sleep again. She brought up several things and I stated no that it was none of them. I knew she was wanting me to answer, and she was also wanting to be helpful.
I just said I needed to talk to you again about something we have discussed before. I said I had been dressing and that I wanted to discuss this with her and to get things more open. She cut me off and asked if I was trying to be a woman? I answered no and that is not my intention. She said I don"t care if you wear those things at home. I explained I did not get much of a chance anymore to ever do that since someone is always at home. I have always been more of an under-dresser. I said I wanted to be able to wear panties and socks or hose under my work clothes. She stated I don't care if you wear panties or those things. You will have to be the one that answers to that if something happens. I explained that was not going to be a problem at all for me. She said you will have to return to ?regular? when you come to bed. I also mentioned that at least once every 3 months or so I would like to go somewhere and spend time dressed. She was not keen on that because of the expenses. She just said if you can make that work financially then okay.
I could tell she was becoming frustrated with the conversation. I asked if there was anything else she would like to talk about. She said no. I just said the best thing we can do is to keep an open dialogue and if there comes a time when she needs or wants to talk about things she can. Her questions are important and welcomed. I told her how much I appreciated her. And that was that.
Final thought: I must thank you all, but specifically that SA at LL Bean. I so appreciate the younger folks that are pushing gender boundaries. They are paving the way for people who have had to live in the closet to finally be able to have freedom.