Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 67

Thread: What would you do differently, if anything if you knew 20 years ago what you know now

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta Canada
    Posts
    403

    What would you do differently, if anything if you knew 20 years ago what you know now

    I was thinking about his today. I have a wonderful wife who is fully accepting - sees it as clothing and really doesn't care. If I could go back in time I would have been open about it from the beginning and I would have dressed a lot more. I enjoy dressing immensely, however for years I hid who I really was - and I have no need to do that anymore. I would hide my stuff, keep it in the office, go to the office on weekends to dress and now I have a drawer of my own for panties, bras and stockings that is in my wife's dresser. I used to sneak a transformation and now I would involve my wife. I know we can only look forward, but for some reason - January 1? - I thought about this today.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Nearing the end of the trail.
    Posts
    21,888
    It pains me to look back and consider all the errors I have made?but we learn by making mistakes (and avoiding making the same mistakes in the future). Perhaps my biggest mistake of the past 20 years was not being self aware?really knowing myself.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    774
    It was about twenty years ago that my son found out I was a crossdresser. I feel bad that he kept the knowledge to himself for eight years before I came out to him. It doesn't seem to have bothered him in the least, but it bothers me.
    Times are a lot better now for trans spectrum people than they were twenty years ago, so I don't think I would have changed much.

    What I would have changed is, I would have tried harder to get my wife to quit smoking. It ultimately killed her, and I regret very profoundly that I didn't rant and rave and yell and scream or do whatever it took to make her stop. It's probably irrational, but I will go to my grave regretting that.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,532
    I wasted a lot of time trying to wear adult guy clothes that never fit properly, as my waist never got wider than 28 inches. Long shirt sleeves were too long.

    My waistline is now 25 inches and I have an easy time finding girl clothes that fit.

  5. #5
    Time to step out! Erin77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Ontario Canada. Milton
    Posts
    189
    20 years ago..... I wouldn't have walked by the LGBT office at my college. I would have gone in. I often wonder what would have happenned if I had opened the literal door. I'm sad I didn't way back when.

  6. #6
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    23,646
    20 years would not do it for me because I knew what I know now, then. Would have to be more like 50 years for me and times would have had to been a lot different than they were 5 decades ago. Fun to think what could have been but it does not really make things any better today, for me that is.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Las Vegas Nevada
    Posts
    1,210
    I wouldn't have questioned myself for another 20 years. I know I would have just started transitioning then. But then my life would be way different. So I still say things happen for a reason at the right time.

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    MA.
    Posts
    58
    The internet and the culture has made it easier today. But 20 years ago, with what I know now, maybe I'd be a bit more aggressive in purchasing items for myself in stores. There is varied experiences with a SA, but in the end, you get what you want.

  9. #9
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Northern New England
    Posts
    2,163
    Kim said it all. Self awareness 20 years ago would have put me on a very different path than I'm on now.

  10. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    173
    The problem with questions like these is that 20 years ago was a different culture and 30 years ago even more so. I think many of us made the best choices we could with the resources available at the time. And those choices were certainly influenced by the people and the life we had around us. Of course, we all like to think about "what if", but realize that would most likely have changed all the good things that happened as well.

  11. #11
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Living in the present
    Posts
    2,346
    I would have to go all the way back to the 1970s and try to talk more openly with my wife about my crossdressing. Perhaps we might have reached an accord. Or perhaps I would have realised sooner that our marriage was irretrievably doomed.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,002
    Twenty years ago I was deep within a midlife crisis, in therapy which I have been in and out of since my college days. I was aware of my desire to CD but had not even admitted it to myself, much less anyone else including the therapists, thus rendering the therapy of marginal use at best. It now appears that was at the center of so much of my angst throughout my life, and was up until very recently. So, if I knew then what I know now I would have embraced that side of myself and not buried in my psyche. In theory, that would have led to a happier, more well adjusted, and productive person. I probably would have come flying giddily out of the closet embracing my CD side with abandon. I wonder how well that would have gone over with those around me at that time? I don't know if I would have met with the same acceptance that I have now. So, despite the angst, it's probably better the way things actually occurred.

  13. #13
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Wien (Vienna)
    Posts
    271
    If I answered this question properly, it would be way too long. But I guess I would have succeeded in raising my children. Instead of not having seen them for thirteen years (and counting). That never stops hurting.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    825
    If I'm going to be honest and stay on topic - I can't see where I could have done better.

    Sure, there are a lot of "what if's" or "I wish'es", but I agree with Rachel Anne and I believe that I did the best I could with what I had to work with.
    Overall, I guess I did pretty good - even if my wife doesn't want to be "married to a woman." I guess I can't fault her for that, right?

  15. #15
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,376
    Quite frankly, I don't know. At my age I really can't remember 20 years ago. ;-) But if I knew now or knew someone 70 years ago who knew what I no now I think my life would have been very different, to say the least. I have no idea where I would be in this maze, but I suspect all the confusion, fear, self-disgust, etc. might well have not happened.

    I am well settled into my identity now and that took about 8 years after acceptance and surrender to my inner self and identity. However, I doubt that if things had been very different, as described, when I was 6 I might have transitioned and now be a trans grandma or it might have all resolved and not even be a part of my life. However, I think the latter is unlikely unless all of this is, in fact, just the result of a bunch of choices. Not likely to be the case as the science says, to a high extent, the gender behavior pattern we live is founded in genetics, but only broadly so. The rest is the play of experiences, hormones, choices, and a pile of other things.

  16. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2021
    Location
    Merseyside UK
    Posts
    446
    A lot of ifs buts and maybes. If I had the experience and head on my shoulders that I have now .I might have done things differently. I don?t want to look back with regret. But look to the future positively. I am happy with what I have got from life .It could have been worse if things were done differently.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    France
    Posts
    959
    36 years ago, actually. "Hello, dear girlfriend and future wife. I have something to tell you."

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    704
    I would have understood that cherishing my wife and putting her first would allow her to give me more of what I needed. Instead, I selfishly hid some of my dressing and kept secrets from her. The more I have fully devoted myself to her, the more she has tried to understand my feminine needs and relaxed her boundaries. Seems simple now, but I was afraid to let her lead. Nancy

  19. #19
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Southeast WI.
    Posts
    2,027
    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    20 years would not do it for me because I knew what I know now, then. Would have to be more like 50 years for me and times would have had to been a lot different than they were 5 decades ago. Fun to think what could have been but it does not really make things any better today, for me that is.
    Might be my age (66), but I agree 100% with Karen I need to go back 50 years.

  20. #20
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    9,937
    Karren is right, by 20 years ago I had fully accepted myself, I'd need to go back an additional 30.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  21. #21
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    lower right part of US
    Posts
    1,088
    20 years ago? I would have done electrolysis and gotten rid of my facial hair. Even in guy mode, not having to shave would have saved me many, many hours over the years.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  22. #22
    Danielle cdinmd206's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Southern Maryland
    Posts
    522
    Joined a bondage/discipline club!!!!!

  23. #23
    Senior Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,081
    Given my age, 67, I would have to go back 40 years. But that was a much different time. I prefer to think of myself as 27 now, and what would I do in the present.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Brenda Freeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Portland,OR
    Posts
    547
    I have wondered about how different my life would be if I fully explored my crossdressing early in my life. How I would look and where would I go from their. I used to regret the lost early experiences. 16 years ago I finally dressed fully make up wig the works for the first time at a transformation studio, my wife did not know. I looked in the mirror and saw the side of me I always dreamed of. Looking back it was the right time. I had been married over 25 years hiding my interest from my wife. But I could not hide it anymore as I was dying on the inside, and mentally a wreck. The benefits of waiting until I was 50 in 2005. I found the love of my life, raised two children so proud of both. Worked hard and saved to enjoy a comfortable life together. The information today, resources, support groups and LGBT success stories have provided so much information to educate the public sadly not all welcome it. I was very lucky and was sure my wife knowing her would understand. It took some time what a shock. We have worked together to find space and time for Brenda. I think It was the right time for me because I can now be whole and luckily lost nothing I love.

  25. #25
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    23,646
    Quote Originally Posted by cdinmd206 View Post
    Joined a bondage/discipline club!!!!!
    It is never to late to do that! Lol

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State