Hair Growing Harassment

[Julie MA]

Been growing mine out for just over a year. Wife keeps harassing me about it, probably because she doesn’t want me to have anything feminine, as she is against my dressing. She would never admit that if asked. Keeps saying it’s because she just likes my hair shorter, which I believe. I don’t think I am asking that much to just let me be.

Julie

[Kris Burton]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

[Ricky Rayne]

Maybe she will be more accepting if you grow it to help cancer patients for wigs.. of course this means you have to start over every couple of years. But it could be a win/win

[Julie MA]

I have even mentioned wanting to donate it. She is still not accepting. Just wants control

[Majella St Gerard]

Your body, your choice. Do you tell her how to style her hair?

[Julie MA]

I agree. I do not tell her what to do with hers.

I am saddest because it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation. Not trying to be dramatic. Some groups are seeing increased acceptance I know.

[Stephanie47]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

With Covid-19 I did not get a haircut for over 18 months. Barber shops were closed down. My wife's friend who cut our hair was not allowed in our home, along with everyone else. Of course, suffering from male pattern baldness the effect of not getting a haircut was totally lost on me. Where I am one up on you is the fact my genetic pool has blessed me with no hair follicles on my legs and underarms. Sparse on the chest. My wife says the lack of hair on a guy's legs and underarms is wasted.

[AngelaYVR]

Growing your hair out is an obvious step towards transitioning. Or that is probably how your wife sees it.

[Di]

Sorry you are getting grief over growing your hair.
What about a mans pony ? Not sure of the term - but no layers pulled back in a lower pony. Lots of guys wear them and from the front you cannot tell really for guy mode. In girl mode the sky is the limit .
All kinda guys wear their hair like that .

Sher cut hers reluctantly for her daughters wedding but the upside wigs fit better .

If she will not compromise think of it that way .

I get it …. Long hair feels more like you but to put a positive spin on it.

[Christie ann]

I agree that it is all about control. I get the evil eye if my fingernails get too long. Hair would be an issue if I had any. Anything vaguely feminine gets ridiculed, I guess thinking I’ll stop this nonsense if she makes it an issue. It has only been over 40 years. I am not going away.

[Connie D50]

I have been growing my hair out but only about 7 months, I'm so torn wheather to keep going or not. My wife knows I'll chicken out and cut it that is the only reason she hasn't said anything. I would love to go the a hair salon and ask for a women style that I could maybe hide (wet it down comb it back) in male mode.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Sorry to read that you're getting grief over your hair length Julie.

I'm currently growing my hair long and I have already been getting grief from my Dad about it. My Wife has made a few comments about the length but she's not yet suggested that I should get it cut. After forty plus years of short hair I have no intention of getting it cut even if my Wife demands that I do so.

I tried growing my hair out twice previously but gave in and had it cut as it approached the awkward stage but I won't be making the same mistake a third time. I'm hoping to have a feminine style eventually.

I think the problem with men growing their long later in life is that it can look unkempt, especially if your hair has lost it's colour. I think that's why our Wifes would probably prefer their husbands have short hair, so that it doesn't look scruffy. I'm aware that people may think my hair looks scruffy as it gets longer so I've started dyeing it to tone down the gray and I use hair care products to keep it looking healthy and shiny.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror and I see a middle aged man looking back at me with hair that's fast approaching the awkward stage, I realise that's what others around me see and I question myself. It's the feminine side in me that drives me to keep going and be single minded, it's that image of my femme side with long flowing hair. Of course in reality I'd probably be better cutting it all off and opting to use wigs when dressing but I'm on a journey now and there's no stopping me.

I wonder if your Wife sees you with long hair and worries how others perceive you? Also, I would have to agree that men do look better with short hair. It's a tricky one really but I guess it all boils down to how determined you are to keep it long. I'm expecting more grief as mine gets longer but I'm not backing down.

Good luck going forward.

[Mermaiden]

Longer hair is not an unreasonable choice, and it?s your body, your life - your choice, and you are right on wanting to be accepted by your wife for who you are. But doesn?t sound promising and acceptance is her choice.

Guess you have to ask yourself is the tiff over hair length worth it to you?

However long your hair, everyone here thinks you look great.

[crobeson96]

The times I've let my hair grow I've found my wife loves it but I give in as I tire of the extra time it takes to deal with it. I love playing with it (sometimes) but don't always have the time or interest.
By now we've done this several times and she knows I'll chicken out.

[Krisi]

A sucessful marriage is full of compromises. You say she wants "control", but is this a battle you really want to fight? Perhaps she really does like your hair short and "manly". Perhaps she is concerned about what family and friends will think or say.

Short hair and a wig works for me. Consider it.

As far as "it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation.", I seriously doubt it. And at least in my part of the country, "tolerance" seems to be the norm. Read a history book and you wil see that the change is dramatic.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Julie,

I feel your pain. It's been nearly 2 years since I got the "manly corporate cut." I was considering growing it out for a number of reasons (my femme side was just one) when Covid came. Once the pandemic subsided a bit, wifey was not too thrilled with me keeping it long. She says she prefers the corporate look. My hair is currently shoulder length and I wear it in a ponytail. She doesn't mind the ponytail and has not said anything me cutting it in a while.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Julie,
I had long hair for about 10 years and it was wonderful??but it was horrible. The maintenance needed was exorbitant ( coming from mostly having short hair). I work in a machine shop and the hazards along with oil just made it a mess. Of course , I only had the long hair as I was in bands and wasn?t being honest about this part of my life. Would it look more natural if grown out and styled? Sure. I feel like wigs give me more options.But to me , there are just times I couldn?t deal with the long hair. My wife never says a word no matter how long I?ve let it go. This is just my 2 cents. I wish you the best of luck .

[Julie MA]

Ladies, thanks for all the support. Just what I needed. Got really down last night. I just want to be me. Even when she does not say anything, I can see her crafting an insult inside, and showing embarrassment. Really? It is just hair. The pretend liberal hypocrisy is saddening. Julie

[char GG]

I think Charlotte Sparkle has a good point. Many men and women that I see with long hair do not have it styled or even get the ends trimmed.

As Di pointed out, ponys or buns are a good, neat look.

[Natalie5004]

Well, Julie. My augment for long hair is that I never had long hair. My dad was a police officer back in the day of the hippies and he would not let me grow it out back then. Then all those years later i was working in shops and management. Long hair was not an option.

Now that I am working from home all the time and I work phones and zoom meetings I am growing my hair. Tell her it is just an experiment. You will cut it when you are ready.

It helps that my wife turned me on to her hairdresser and we color my hair and I can now curl it up with a heated wand thing. I get the ends trimmed to remove any layering. It is shoulder length now. Just do it, you will love the fem looks you can make out of your hair.

[April Rose]

Back in they day, over 40 but still had hair on the top of my head, I decided to grow it out again. I was still working in a somewhat conservative industry, so to avoid blowback , I kept a regular appointment every six weeks with a hairdresser to trim the split ends and keep it neat. I enjoyed going to the hairdresser, and, perhaps counter intuitively, it seemed to grow faster that way.

[Maid_Marion]

I've been growing out my hair for years. I trim off the split hairs. It wasn't until a week ago that I cut the bottom inch off as tiny trim.

Marion

[Julie MA]

She especially dislikes the ponytail. Which is what I like alot. Have not had any split ends. Not much wildness since the awkward stage.

[Dutchess]

I know that you may not understand this but from someone with experience , she wants control alright,but not of you . She is trying to maintain control of her life as she knows it or thought it was . You really have no clue what this is like for some SOs. If it were just clothes then yeah but it's a whole lot more stuff than that goes along with it . Everything changes.
If you dislike her as much as it seems from this thread then maybe you should let her be free to go with someone else . Its not liberal hypocrisy to be fine with whatever others want to do even if you yourself could not tolerate EVERYTHING . Everyone has boundries at some point . Mine personally ,I have to have men who have long hair and alot of body art otherwise I know we wont be on the same page , but still , I do have certain boundaries of what I can deal with in people. Hair is just not one of my issues .

[DeeDee67]

Get a short hair cut and a female glam