Hair Growing Harassment

[Julie MA]

Been growing mine out for just over a year. Wife keeps harassing me about it, probably because she doesn’t want me to have anything feminine, as she is against my dressing. She would never admit that if asked. Keeps saying it’s because she just likes my hair shorter, which I believe. I don’t think I am asking that much to just let me be.

Julie

[Kris Burton]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

[Stephanie47]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

With Covid-19 I did not get a haircut for over 18 months. Barber shops were closed down. My wife's friend who cut our hair was not allowed in our home, along with everyone else. Of course, suffering from male pattern baldness the effect of not getting a haircut was totally lost on me. Where I am one up on you is the fact my genetic pool has blessed me with no hair follicles on my legs and underarms. Sparse on the chest. My wife says the lack of hair on a guy's legs and underarms is wasted.

[Ricky Rayne]

Maybe she will be more accepting if you grow it to help cancer patients for wigs.. of course this means you have to start over every couple of years. But it could be a win/win

[Julie MA]

I have even mentioned wanting to donate it. She is still not accepting. Just wants control

[Majella St Gerard]

Your body, your choice. Do you tell her how to style her hair?

[Julie MA]

I agree. I do not tell her what to do with hers.

I am saddest because it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation. Not trying to be dramatic. Some groups are seeing increased acceptance I know.

[Julie MA]

Dutchess, I understand all of what you say. Except the part about not liking her. I reread all my comments. I do not see that. Just looking for tolerance and equal understanding. Julie

[Dutchess]

If it didn't look that way I woudn't say it ... I was hoping you didn't mean it as it appears . I'm very glad you don't . She's just trying to keep some sort of control over what she probably sees as her life spinning out of control , not of you personally . I know it seems that way but its not .
I see so many threads with people just hating on their wives . No one is forced to stay but as well sometimes the people here just get completely off the hook about things.

[Julie MA]

It goes both ways about still loving someone, even if you do not like all of their behaviors.

[AngelaYVR]

Growing your hair out is an obvious step towards transitioning. Or that is probably how your wife sees it.

[Di]

Sorry you are getting grief over growing your hair.
What about a mans pony ? Not sure of the term - but no layers pulled back in a lower pony. Lots of guys wear them and from the front you cannot tell really for guy mode. In girl mode the sky is the limit .
All kinda guys wear their hair like that .

Sher cut hers reluctantly for her daughters wedding but the upside wigs fit better .

If she will not compromise think of it that way .

I get it …. Long hair feels more like you but to put a positive spin on it.

[Christie ann]

I agree that it is all about control. I get the evil eye if my fingernails get too long. Hair would be an issue if I had any. Anything vaguely feminine gets ridiculed, I guess thinking I’ll stop this nonsense if she makes it an issue. It has only been over 40 years. I am not going away.

[Julie MA]

The give and take also goes both ways. I really do not ask for much of her, or of anything.

[Heather76]

Due to a recent move from one state to another, I ended up going about 8 weeks without a haircut. I normally go 6 weeks between haircuts. Anyway, one day before getting a haircut I mentioned to my wife I thought I should forget haircuts for a while and go for a "man bun." She said I should go for it. I didn't and don't really care to; but, I thought her response was interesting.

[Connie D50]

I have been growing my hair out but only about 7 months, I'm so torn wheather to keep going or not. My wife knows I'll chicken out and cut it that is the only reason she hasn't said anything. I would love to go the a hair salon and ask for a women style that I could maybe hide (wet it down comb it back) in male mode.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Sorry to read that you're getting grief over your hair length Julie.

I'm currently growing my hair long and I have already been getting grief from my Dad about it. My Wife has made a few comments about the length but she's not yet suggested that I should get it cut. After forty plus years of short hair I have no intention of getting it cut even if my Wife demands that I do so.

I tried growing my hair out twice previously but gave in and had it cut as it approached the awkward stage but I won't be making the same mistake a third time. I'm hoping to have a feminine style eventually.

I think the problem with men growing their long later in life is that it can look unkempt, especially if your hair has lost it's colour. I think that's why our Wifes would probably prefer their husbands have short hair, so that it doesn't look scruffy. I'm aware that people may think my hair looks scruffy as it gets longer so I've started dyeing it to tone down the gray and I use hair care products to keep it looking healthy and shiny.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror and I see a middle aged man looking back at me with hair that's fast approaching the awkward stage, I realise that's what others around me see and I question myself. It's the feminine side in me that drives me to keep going and be single minded, it's that image of my femme side with long flowing hair. Of course in reality I'd probably be better cutting it all off and opting to use wigs when dressing but I'm on a journey now and there's no stopping me.

I wonder if your Wife sees you with long hair and worries how others perceive you? Also, I would have to agree that men do look better with short hair. It's a tricky one really but I guess it all boils down to how determined you are to keep it long. I'm expecting more grief as mine gets longer but I'm not backing down.

Good luck going forward.

[crobeson96]

The times I've let my hair grow I've found my wife loves it but I give in as I tire of the extra time it takes to deal with it. I love playing with it (sometimes) but don't always have the time or interest.
By now we've done this several times and she knows I'll chicken out.

[Krisi]

A sucessful marriage is full of compromises. You say she wants "control", but is this a battle you really want to fight? Perhaps she really does like your hair short and "manly". Perhaps she is concerned about what family and friends will think or say.

Short hair and a wig works for me. Consider it.

As far as "it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation.", I seriously doubt it. And at least in my part of the country, "tolerance" seems to be the norm. Read a history book and you wil see that the change is dramatic.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Julie,

I feel your pain. It's been nearly 2 years since I got the "manly corporate cut." I was considering growing it out for a number of reasons (my femme side was just one) when Covid came. Once the pandemic subsided a bit, wifey was not too thrilled with me keeping it long. She says she prefers the corporate look. My hair is currently shoulder length and I wear it in a ponytail. She doesn't mind the ponytail and has not said anything me cutting it in a while.

[alwayshave]

Julie, My wife would be happy if I grew my hair longer. However, I have had basically the same haircut since boot camp in 1980. Prior to that it was shoulder length and I could put it in a pony tail. But that was the style back then.

[Mermaiden]

Longer hair is not an unreasonable choice, and it?s your body, your life - your choice, and you are right on wanting to be accepted by your wife for who you are. But doesn?t sound promising and acceptance is her choice.

Guess you have to ask yourself is the tiff over hair length worth it to you?

However long your hair, everyone here thinks you look great.

[Julie MA]

Wife and 18 year old daughter, home from college, absolutely attacked over this last night. I think I made rational points and my daughter got it. Not sure about wife. It was an ugly scene. I stressed that I?m donating the hair, if I ever get that far. They seemed to understand that motive. But it all hurt overall

[Maria 60]

For myself I love women having long hair, it's like my wife goes out of her way to cut it short on despite. I grew a goat tee once and because I have a very oily complexion I started getting pimples. Having a bad acne problem in my youth and I didn't want to go down that road again I shaved it off and it took me a while to get my skin back to normal. My wife liked it and automatically assumed I didn't want to grow it because of my fem side and I'm was just making excuses. I will be honest I thought it looked ok on me but my biggest issue was I didn't like the maintenance, it needed trimming and it didn't match any of my dresses. Lol

[Billie]

I am on the slowly growing my hair out trip. I go once a month for a trim to keep it looking presentable. I don't want it looking too shaggy, it's now about chin length in the front and stacked in the back.

I figure if ever is going to be the time to grow your hair out, it's now. Between waves of COVID and employers looking for employees, a well kept mop shouldn't be much of an issue. Though I wish I had started at the first lock-down, I might have some better length.