Bullied

[Debbie Denier]

I read an article a while ago that suggested that males bullied in childhood were more likely to cross dress or become transgender when they grew older. Does anyone identify with this experience? I was bullied at 8 years of age. My fathers solution was to buy me boxing gloves and teach me how to fight. A well placed right hook eliminated the bullying at the time.So not sure whether this applied to me. However from 10 years of age onwards I started to crossdress. By the time I reached high school I started to experiment more with CD. I felt detached from the alpha males . My friends both male and female were more interested in music and art. I was also interested in watching and participating in sports.Bear in mind this was in the 1970s. I would be interested to hear of others experiences.

[Kris Burton]

That's very interesting Debbie. I had never heard that - any way you could point me, and us, to the article? I was a very bullied child, and although I do not want to overthink or over analyze the pleasure I find in dressing now, I can't help but wonder if that may have played a role.

[Elizabeth G]

Whether or not there is a correlation I can't say but I was bullied as well.

[Geena75]

Growing up the nearest boys my age were the neighbor and my cousin who were 4 and 2 years older than me, respectively. Although not necessarily bullied, I was definitely intimidated by them and hence submissive. I was certainly not alpha male in my personality. Then I went through a growth spurt and grew 10 inches in three years, reaching my current height at age 14. Although I was then in a position of being physically dominant, it wasn't in my nature. Come to think of it, it was just before my growth spurt I first tried on panty hose. Interesting correlation.

[Debbie Denier]

Kris , Sorry as the article I am referring to was about 2 years ago . I cannot remember where I read it or trace it for referral. Geena Interesting you mention the growth spurt. I was short until aged 15 or 16 when I grew to 6ft tall . Like you being dominant or alpha male is not in my nature.

[kimdl93]

Nope, never was bullied.

[Pumped]

I have always been slightly built. I graduated high school at 5'10" and 145 pounds. Never had any interest in sports, wasn't good at any of them and that caused some duress in my life. Bullied? Constantly. I can not tell you of any significant situations, but it was on going from grade school on up. I never fit in with the "real guys". I enjoyed spending time with females more than guys, which caused more bullying in my early years. When I was in grade school my favorite playmate was a girl. Girls liked barbies so I got a Ken doll for a gift. My older sister blabbed it all over, more bullying.

Even as late ad maybe 15 years ago I went on a work related fishing trip with about twenty guys. Of course it turned into a competition, I just wanted to relax and could care less about fishing, but I did. Guys gave me crap about that! In the evenings it was booze and playing poker, I don't do much of either so even then the guys were giving me crap about being a lightweight because I wouldn't drink, and more crap because I sucked at poker, more bullying.

[Jessica S]

Never bullied. I stopped more than few bullies from bulling over the years

[Arindam]

I've pretty much avoided responding to this topic of bullying, because the memories --even 70 years later- are too numerous and too painful. I wasn't very "femme", though I've been accused of and hassled for that. I was just smaller than "average" males are supposed to be and never much interested in things males are supposed to be interested in, like cars or sports, never mind also knowing very early I was bi/gay as opposed to cookie-cutter "straight".

It wasn't just in grammar school/high school that I was hassled, but in college/grad school and then later in the work place. Even today, were I thrown into a group of males, they would quickly "know" I'm not "one of them", never mind my skills as a waterfront mechanic and my ability to trouble-shoot machinery --their supposed niche-- are far superior to theirs. Never mind I can draw and build a better, small wooden boat than they can buy plans for, read trout water and throw a bug better than they can, cook a better meal, or sew a better quilt. And that's where things really break down.

Typically, they can excuse not being able to fly-cast, much less design and build a rod to cast that line. And some will equate their skills on the grill with all of cooking. But ask them to go to a quilting show with you, put them in front of piece of work, and then ask them whether the patterns and colors work or what might have been done differently, and they'll fall speechless and then go home and tell their buddies you're a closet queer.

I hate gender-norming. I didn't raise my kids that way, nor do they push theirs into "traditional" roles. For sure, male-female differences are genetic, deep, and often insurmountable. But the distributions overlap enough that no one should ever be excluded a priori from attempting any activity. E.g., the exclusions that female mathematicians have suffered are truly heart-breaking.

Arindam

[Maid_Marion]

Not bullied. Reflexes were and still are very fast.

[Arindam]

I'm sure that being bullied steered some toward gentler, more feminine things. But my case was the opposite. I was discouraged by my very homophobic parents from showing any interest in --much less participating in-- such gender-normed activities as embroidering, which my sisters could do, but not me. But what's not to like about needle work as opposed to aggressive, truly boring things like football/basketball/baseball?

I never did learn to embroider. But I'm competent quilter, which is still very much a female-dominated activity, as signing up for a quilting class will quickly reveal or attending a quilting show, where --if you do see any other males-- you can tell they are only there to please a wife/girlfriend, and they aren't having a good time.

So part of some CDs motivation for cross-dressing probably has as much to do having artistic interests in fields normally excluded from males as it does with iconoclasm or rebellion. ("Don't tell me what I can't do.")

Arindam

[candykowal]

I also believe being bullied somehow "plays a part" in cross dressing.
But for me it started while I was a sick coddled baby, often don in babydolls and diapers, taking growth hormones for being internally under developed, in and out of the hospital, till I was 6.
Mom was a major influence while Dad was often away working.
I played a lot with my girl cousins, was always around females.
I struggled throughout grade school for being skinny and frail. Mom was always around.
Once I started developing breasts (those growth hormones?!?) in 6th grade and in gym class, always in shirts and skins team play as skins, and a boy with breasts.
I got a severe beating by a bunch of boys, called a fairy, and ended up back in the hospital for 6 months. Mom freaked!
At thirteen a saw a therapist and was influenced to explore my feminine side as my breast grew bigger than girls in my high school years.
I was bullied in Virginia many times in my teens, till Mom and I left to live in N.W. Indiana and I was able to present as Candice my senior year in High School. That's when all the bullying ended and I was actually liked and accepted. It was a awesome time in my life.
I was coy, coddled, a "C" personality as a slim kid with long hair, breasts and shy, who played with girls.

[JennyMay]

I was the ‘lost child’ in a family with a Narcissistic mother and a very damaged father. My brother was ‘the scapegoat’ and hated me (still does). I was bullied at home and at school. All I really remember about my childhood was how lonely and afraid I was all the time. Whether this has anything to do with my crossdressing I don’t know.

[Megan Nicole]

My earliest cross dressing memories were when I was 5 years old. I still have some old picture slides of me wearing my mom?s slip when I was 4 or 5. Definitely no bullying there. Maybe a lil bullying or jabbing in my middle school/early high school days, but that was very common back in the 70s and 80s. Don?t think that was the reason for my cross dressing. Interesting tho. -Meg

[Maria 60]

I'm also trying to think back, I was told that I was a good and quiet child by relatives. I believe I was already weariing pantyhose before a bully era had started. I grew up on a street that we were all about the same age give or take a few years. Back then there was no PlayStation or more then 3 channels on TV so we were out a lot playing and pretty much getting along. I don't believe it had anything to do with it but saying that I was a quiet child must mean I wasn't a alpha or an aggressive child. You might be on to something

[Heather76]

I was not bullied at all. However, I was always the smallest in my class. When I entered high school, I was 4' 10" tall (or short as the case may be) and weighed 95 lbs. When I graduated, I was 5'8" and 155 lbs. The only thing from my childhood that might have a bearing on enjoying crossdressing is having tried on my mother's lingerie when I was home by myself. With 2 brothers at home, those opportunities were rare; but, I enjoyed them when I could.

[Bobbysue]

I was called snot man ,because my nose always ran.

[Wendy-Lyn]

While I was bullied to a certain extent, it was never particularly serious or ongoing (one or two of the bullies did eventually become good friends later in life, so there's that too), and never really affected me that much either now or then - except that I find it hard to tolerate bullying when I see it occurring to others.

So no, in my case I don't believe it had any influence on my dressing. Please note that I speak ONLY for myself here, everyone's circumstances are different.

[Nadine Spirit]

I think it is far more likely that transgender children get bullied because they are transgender, and not that bullying causes humans to be transgender.

[CharlotteCD]

I think it is far more likely that transgender children get bullied because they are transgender, and not that bullying causes humans to be transgender.

Exactly this.

We could always tell the "gay" boy at school, even if they denied it for the entire time. You just "knew" with some of them.

I was bullied relentlessly between 12 and 14 with people calling me gay. I wasn't gay, and I am not, but they knew I was different. I was different because I was transgender, and clearly not amazing at hiding that femininity.

I was dressing at 4, so dressing came first.

[HollyGreene]

Never bullied. Had a desire to wear dresses since I was about 5 - probably before I even went to school.

[alwayshave]

I dressed long before I could be bullied. So I don't believe there is a correlation.

[Linda K.]

Being the youngest of 5 siblings (14 year age gap between my oldest brother to me), I wouldn't say I was bullied physically but more mentally. I was constantly teased by my older brothers and sisters a lot. I started getting interested in crossdressing around the age of 10-11. That is about the same time I started having my growth spurt. Classified as a loner, I gained an interest in music and have been playing for the last 48 years.

[SaraLin]

I think it's a bit like the other way around.
I feel that there is a "something" that's inside us and makes us want to dress up.
This different-ness in us somehow "marks" us, and makes us prime targets for bullies.

Yes, I was bullied when I was young, but I was dressing long before that.

[Karren H]

Nope, never was bullied.

Me neither.