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Thread: Bullied

  1. #26
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    I was certainly bullied but I think all kids are to a degree when we were younger, Preteen, I was also called sissy which really bothered me. I don't know how much of that had to do with my CDing I thought a lot but I doubt it. Others suffered the same name calling and aren't CDs I don't think I would be interested to see if there is a correlation, but it would be tough to see on this forum. We need the non cds to chime in.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  2. #27
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    I was bullied in high school, due to the seniority system at boarding school. Outside that my biological father and my stepfather were physically and emotionally abusive. Don't if that had anything to do with my dressing or not. Would not be surprised if it did.
    Just another man in a dress

  3. #28
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    I was bullied a bit as a child but, that is only a small part of it.
    I was also the middle child with a 4 year older and a 4 year younger sister.
    I also grew up in the 1950s when all the very feminine female clothes and lingerie was the norm for ladies. and teen girls..
    I also had a somewhat passive father and a somewhat dominating mother.

    My mother was evidently a dancer in the latter days of burlesque....... nothing nude.......she was mainly a tap dancer in rather skimpy attire and had a stage name of "Joy".
    I have seen professional photos of her as "Joy" but. she never wanted to talk about it,. and she became rather conservative socially latter in life..
    A friend of her's from that era (another former dancer I believe) still called her "Joy" until they died. years latter.. .I once heard them discreetly discussing "bumps and grinds" while dancing.
    .
    So, it was combination of a few things, . not just being bullied. .
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 01-06-2022 at 09:04 PM. Reason: spelling
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.
    "When the rich take money from the poor it's called business,when poor people resist it's called violence" - Mark Twain
    "It's all right now, I learned my lesson well.,You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

  4. #29
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    I don't think there is any evidence at all as to why a male becomes a cross dresser or a transgender woman. From what I have read a person's sexual identity is formed early in life. I would not call it bullying, but, my mother told me too many times that I "was suppose to be a girl." Her first born child was my brother. I cried one night about it which caused her to shut up. If anything, her words may have caused me to be rebellious. I was constantly visiting the school principal for all sorts of unruly behavior. That went on until high school. My mother, along the way whipped my butt with a belt to the extent of causing welts. Under current laws I probably could have her hauled off to jail by just pulling my jeans down and showing my teachers. When puberty hit this cross dressing "thing" started to emerge. Was there any cause and effect? I don't know.

  5. #30
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    I'm with those who were never bullied. There might have been a couple who tried which resulted in the "School-yard tussle." Never lasted very long and there was no moree bullying. Also very involved in sports, loved the contact sports and that was the case through college. Was a pretty good sized defensive lineman. Tried on some of mom's clothes in my teens then never again until probably in my 40's and started getting some of my own. Have no idea what caused the dressing other than it was pretty sexual when young. Even now I feel like I'm slowly growing away as I don't dress as much.

  6. #31
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Not bullied. Reflexes were and still are very fast.

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member kellyanne's Avatar
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    It is difficult to determine cause and effect, IIMU there have been attempts to correlate on birth order, family dynamics, childhood experience etc but no single factor appears causal.

    Q: Is the kid bullied because the have "lesser male" personality traits and would otherwise developed transgenderism or is it a trigger?

    There are examples of identical twins transitioning and fraternal twins having one transition and the other happy as what they were born as.

    Reliable data is very hard to come by which speaks to the strict nature of gender roles in society the world over.



    It seems by far most CD spouses would much rather reveal to their social circle that their spouses has an extensive criminal record than he is a law abiding CD who won civic awards .- ponder that.


    Why is it Guys" is an acceptable collective term for mixed gender groups but not " girls'?

    May I suggest to most the man is degrading his " rank " while she is improving hers by " being more manly"

    We still believe a lady without a man has no rank - watch the news - if a story features a married woman - there is ALWAYS a close up of the ring on her hand but NEVER a close up if the story is about a man who happens to be
    married.


    This is a fun & interesting review of crossdressing and legality:


    Why Was Crossdressing Illegal?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaK3IxZJbto
    Last edited by kellyanne; 01-05-2022 at 06:53 PM.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    May I suggest to most the man is degrading his " rank " while she is improving hers by " being more manly"
    This is what I always thought also.
    A female being a " tom boy" is usually considered something good for a female. . However, if a male has some female habits, he is ridiculed as a "sissy"
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.
    "When the rich take money from the poor it's called business,when poor people resist it's called violence" - Mark Twain
    "It's all right now, I learned my lesson well.,You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

  9. #34
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    Even in the current age bullying goes on using explicit sexual terms. My wife recently retired as an elementary school teacher. As any spouse will do, she talked and I listened to her day at school. Yuck! Ugh! As early as kindergarten boys call other boys degrading names; faggot comes to mind. She would ask them whether they knew what the term meant. Nope, not most of the time. It was just learning from adults. Too many parents go nuts when a school offers any curriculum on human sexuality and relationships. I'd not wagers against where those kindergarten kids got their degrading terms. I just love it when in the "Christmas Story" Ralphie beats the crap out of the school bully.

  10. #35
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    I was bullied by one individual in elementary school, and later in Scout camp by another. I was probably giving off some sissy vibes, and was a klutz; bad hand-eye coordination, last chosen for teams in phys ed. My ex said that I throw like a girl.
    Don't know if that's related to my dressing, or just a typical part of growing up in the '60s.

  11. #36
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    I've pretty much avoided responding to this topic of bullying, because the memories --even 70 years later- are too numerous and too painful. I wasn't very "femme", though I've been accused of and hassled for that. I was just smaller than "average" males are supposed to be and never much interested in things males are supposed to be interested in, like cars or sports, never mind also knowing very early I was bi/gay as opposed to cookie-cutter "straight".

    It wasn't just in grammar school/high school that I was hassled, but in college/grad school and then later in the work place. Even today, were I thrown into a group of males, they would quickly "know" I'm not "one of them", never mind my skills as a waterfront mechanic and my ability to trouble-shoot machinery --their supposed niche-- are far superior to theirs. Never mind I can draw and build a better, small wooden boat than they can buy plans for, read trout water and throw a bug better than they can, cook a better meal, or sew a better quilt. And that's where things really break down.

    Typically, they can excuse not being able to fly-cast, much less design and build a rod to cast that line. And some will equate their skills on the grill with all of cooking. But ask them to go to a quilting show with you, put them in front of piece of work, and then ask them whether the patterns and colors work or what might have been done differently, and they'll fall speechless and then go home and tell their buddies you're a closet queer.

    I hate gender-norming. I didn't raise my kids that way, nor do they push theirs into "traditional" roles. For sure, male-female differences are genetic, deep, and often insurmountable. But the distributions overlap enough that no one should ever be excluded a priori from attempting any activity. E.g., the exclusions that female mathematicians have suffered are truly heart-breaking.

    Arindam

  12. #37
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    I was the ‘lost child’ in a family with a Narcissistic mother and a very damaged father. My brother was ‘the scapegoat’ and hated me (still does). I was bullied at home and at school. All I really remember about my childhood was how lonely and afraid I was all the time. Whether this has anything to do with my crossdressing I don’t know.
    Last edited by JennyMay; 01-06-2022 at 03:10 AM.

  13. #38
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    I've been waiting a long time to use the following phrase, and here it is: Correlation does not imply causation!
    Are we this way because we were bullied at one point, or were we bullied because we were already different in a manner that would lead us to this? Impossible to say. I started dressing long before I was ever bullied by anyone.

  14. #39
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    i Debbie,
    I was bullied but I can't say that it was part of (or caused) my cross dressing. Other things happened as well, but what is done is done. I am a cross dresser, and a little TG more than 1 percent but less than 100 percent. Interesting question, I loved reading the responses.
    Thanks,
    Brenda

  15. #40
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    I was bullied relentlessly when I was young, they used to say, Crissy is a sissy. I learned to stand up for myself and it eventually ended.
    I agree that we may give off certain vibes that mark us, the predators pick up on that.

    I think Monica is correct in that there is a correlation but it is not a causation
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 01-06-2022 at 06:54 AM.
    Crissy

  16. #41
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    "I've been waiting a long time to use the following phrase, and here it is: Correlation does not imply causation!"
    Monica: Yea I used it in my post and find it is always fun to use all that statistics I learned in undergraduate and graduate school in a sentence. We are just now beginning to look at gender constructs. Just like so many things regarding norms, expectations and roles, people have to be hurt or struggle in order for attention to begin to be paid. So much of that stays under the radar and peoples lives are greatly affected. I have a hard time putting a link between my cross dressing and being bullied in school. There are recent studies that have been published that indicate when a person is called by their chosen name and identified by the gender they represent that depression and anxiety will reduce in upwards to 70%. When I read that I was simply amazed.

  17. #42
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    Bravo, Monica! You go, girl! Correlation is not necessarily causality. That should be said more often. Unfortunately, lazy people, who flunked out of everything else and got into journalism, are too stupid or disingenuous to realize the difference and perpetuate such nonsense upon the gullible.

    I rarely had problems with bullies. As a little kid, I lived in a small town where my grandfather was a big guy. He even killed his own dog right in front of a neighbor when the dog would not stay home and started bothering the neighbor. No one, not even a dog, messed with Grandpa. My Mum was the same way.

    My family moved to a rough town where coal mining, a brewery, and the railroad were the industries when I was eight years old. Tough town. I had a reputation for academics by age nine when one of the toughest fighters I ever met outside the Army decided to take me on. I lost but I put up such a fight that nobody else seriously challenged me the rest of my childhood or teenage years. I openly dressed as a girl in a Halloween parade, long skirt, peasant blouse, wig, and accessories, at age ten and no one said a word. My school also had a day in the spring when we could dress in costume. Most chose crazy costumes, but I dressed as a girl in a midi skirt, like most of the girls at that time wore. Not even the girls bothered me because I had a sister two years younger even tougher than I was in a fight. And could she talk trash! Still does. Bullies left us alone even though I cross dressed publicly on occasion.

    Whether bullying causes crossdressing or even correlates, I do not know. Careful inspection of such studies would be necessary to establish any conclusions. Few people are interested in doing the hard work and the math to find out. Me included. I have better things to do, like crossdressing.

  18. #43
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
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    Didn?t read all the responses, but I pretty much stopped when I read that an article purports to explain CDing. There just isn?t any decent science on CDing, experts are just making things up.

    To point, I wasn?t bullied and am absolutely a crossdresser.

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