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Thread: Crossing boundaries!

  1. #1
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    Crossing boundaries!

    Within 1 year we've ( wife and I) have gone thru a myriad of emotions. When I first came out to her just wearing panties and having to explain that about a year ago. Fast forward to last night, we had the most wonderful evening. She has helped me buy panties, night gowns, some lingerie and helped me with makeup 💄 as well, but it was always on her part ,"I don't want to see it!" DADT! She always let me put on makeup in male clothing or I could wear any type of women's bed clothing without makeup, without any issues. The other night put them both together and she completely fine with, until I tried to 💋 her and she completely flipped. The next day after returning a nightie and doing a 4 hour shopping spree, hehe! We talked a bit after I got home and I showed her my full length bed gown and she asked what else did I get? I commenced showing her my midi dress, full slip, hose and necklace. She said, well let's see how everything looks, my first fashion show! It was wonderful. She gave me one of her necklaces that matched my earrings that just topped off the attire, she also told me that she'll probably be borrowing my necklace as well. After the fashion show, I was told to put on my night gown, slip and knee high hose and come to bed. It was amazing ladies! Point being, there are boundaries and not to be crossed ⚔️. In my case I can do one or the other not both at the same time and get a 💋 kiss. She explained to me that it felt like she was kissing a girl. She also told me I looked very pretty the other night but I needed a bigger bra size. In full girl mode we can only be friends and that's cool.

  2. #2
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    You are in a good situation in spite of the rules. Many of us take a long time to achieve that and a lot never achieve that - I certainly haven't. Respect her boundaries and you will likely be good; cross them and you will likely pay a heavy price. Be a man to her once in awhile even if you don't feel like it. It is not all about you or her - it is about the couple that you are and how that is conceived and defined in your relationship.

  3. #3
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    Nice. I wish my SO of 48 years was as understanding and tolerant. My situation is much more of a DADT. But, I do under-dress daily and put all my clothing in the laundry. She does all of the laundry so she knows what I'm wearing.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Agree with Gretchen. You are VERY lucky. Respect her boundaries. Cherish her. Show her that she has not lost the man she married. Go out of your way to put her first. Above all, do not act selfishly. Maybe slow down, help her feel safe. Reassure her that she has not lost the man she married. Trust me! Nancy

  5. #5
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    You're very lucky Dan! I'm also very lucky, I have a boyfriend and nothing is off limits. Lingerie is the best, I wear gorgeous lingerie to bed almost every night.

  6. #6
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    Sounds like fun times for you

  7. #7
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    Sounds like things are going well. You are fortunate to have such an understanding wife and good for you for respecting her boundaries. I have to admit if my wife dressed like a man I would not find kissing her a turn on either.
    Just another man in a dress

  8. #8
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    I'd take those boundaries any time. My wife would have the same reaction, even if I was able to dress in front of her. She was very explicit about it; "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman.!" Even if a MtF cross dresser were to be a "girl friend" to a wife, would intimacy raise the spectra of a lesbian relationship? Definitely, a no-go for my wife.

  9. #9
    Member Wendy-Lyn's Avatar
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    @Stephanie47;
    Having read some of your previous posts and having a (limited, obviously) understanding of the dynamics of your relationship i can understand why you'd be happy with those boundaries.

    However, I fear that I could not. While dressing is not essential for me to derive sexual satisfaction from my partner, the either/or nature of the way Dan's SO feels would not be something I could accept - BECAUSE the clothes aren't essential for me to be able to 'perform'. However, I DO always sleep in fem nightwear, or lingerie - I have done so for years, and that isn't negotiable.

    I am unlucky in this respect because I've been living alone for so long (over 20 years) and have become somewhat 'set' in my ways - but I guess I'm also lucky because I can, by bringing my dressing up before things get too serious and explaining what I am prepared to compromise on and what I cannot, will mean that my next partner knows exactly where we stand and what she's getting right from the start (and so do I). And isn't that precisely what everyone recommends we do on starting a new relationship?

    I see some stories, both here and elsewhere, where I simply could not be in the relationship at all, because of unrealistic and inflexible expectations from one or both partners. And I don't want that, either.

    Much of this is still new to me, so I'm still trying to get a 'handle' on a lot of it.

  10. #10
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    Don’t discount the value of being just friends with your wife at times. I have close friendships with a number of women including my wife. (I’m a faithful husband. Women can sense this instantaneously.) I know couples who have been married to the same person all their lives without really being friends. It’s too bad. You have the opportunity to transcend that.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

  11. #11
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dan, Sounds like your wife's acceptance is going very well. Don't over do it though.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Dan, you are one lucky lady. I'd give anything for that level of acceptance. I came out to my wife 14 months ago after wearing just panties for 5 months. I later added nighties and stockings to my wardrobe. Based on her DADT attitude when I came out to her, I didn't believe I should tell her about my increasing wardrobe. What I did was "inadvertently" let her see these things from time to time hanging on the door hook in my bathroom. This past August I added bras into my collection. Again, I simply made them somewhat visible so she'd be aware without me telling her. She has not said a thing to me but is well aware of how I dress after she goes to bed at night. I generally stay up 2 -3 hours later than her to wear my underwire bras and nighties. I wear panties and lace bralettes with silicone inserts every day and stockings most days I'll be wearing long slacks.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  13. #13
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    The difference between what Dan posted about and what you are doing is that he crossed boundaries with his wife's knowledge. You, on the other hand, consider DADT as permission to escalate without putting yourself through the "discomfort" of agreeing on boundaries with her. You seem to consider because she doesn't pack your things (or hers for that matter), you are pushing her on your own way. I can only imagine the cries if she was to escalate what she does behind your back and keeps it to herself because you won't approve and therefore, she would feel uncomfortable. Just a reminder that sometimes, what goes around, comes around.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Dan, I agree with GretchenM that you are in a very good position and I can say I am envious. Just continue along and not push the boundaries too fast, but it sounds like you already know that. Many here have lost the acceptance of their SO because the SO is unsure where this will lead. You have a good line of communication so keep that going
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 01-07-2022 at 06:58 AM.
    Crissy

  15. #15
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    You've made a lot of progress with your wife's acceptance in a year.

    SO's don't like to feel like they are being "trained" like a dog. Listen to what Cathreen had to say and be truthful and up front with your wants and needs.

    Keep your SO in the loop to avoid going "backwards acceptance" in the future.
    Last edited by char GG; 01-07-2022 at 07:09 AM.

  16. #16
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    Honest communication is a lot tougher than people think about just what to have for dinner sometimes, that she is open on such a complicated thing is a pretty good sign.

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