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Thread: In a perdikement

  1. #1
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    In a perdikement

    Well I'm in a little of a perdikement. Last night my wife picked up a FaceTime call from her sister, my wife is very loose when on FaceTime calls so I usally leave the room. I was getting up to leave the room and my wife gave me the finger jester to sit down because she was leaving. Her mother hasn't been feeling well lately and she was going to sleep at her parents house and her mom has some medical test to do this morning anyway. She was at the front door getting dressed to leave and I hear them, blah,blah,blah,blah and all at once I hear my SIL go quit. I turn to my wife and she putting the phone down on the steps as she's putting on her boots. The next thing I hear is a message on my phone, it was my SIL with a emoji with the finger in front of the mouth like telling me to be quit. I respond why?
    My wife blew me a few kisses and left, I went behind her to lock the front door plus the screen door because my kids have the house key and I don't like surprise visits. A few minutes later I get another message from the SIL again "Finally, I finally seen you. I got a few glances in the past but today I got a good look".
    Oh NO, I don't know how to respond to this so I decided not to and I sit there in a daze, she sends another message "I hope your not upset or embarrassed or ashamed, you have nothing to be ashamed about OMG you look beautiful and if I didn't have an idea about this I would have never known it was you". Again I didn't answer but for some reason after that message I got so sexually aroused of the idea of her seeing me and her telling me that I looked good.
    Her next message was her explaining to me how bad she wants to talk to my wife and tell her she knows and how she wants to share this with us but doesn't want to cause any marriage problems.
    My SIL is crazy we have pulled her out of some crazy situations in the past, I'm more of a father figure to her and she doesn't care about what anyone says, she would probably dress me up on Friday and Saturday nights and she would party and paint the town red with me.
    I made my first message back telling her that her sister stated to me she wanted this our bond our secret and wanted it left between us and she knows that her sister knows but really doesn't, she doesn't know enough and the enough is going to be speculation part for her.
    She messaged me back telling me that it was her sisters mistake that she seen me and if I want we could erase all these messages and the pretend it never happened and the secret is good with her. I messaged back I will think about it and I will let her know what I decide, I want to be honest but I also don't want to wake up the bear and get her upset.
    SIL is so crazy, she messaged asking if she could FaceTime me so she could see me again and get a better look at what I was wearing, I didn't even respond.
    The next message was my wife blowing me kisses goodnight, I didn't know what to do, if I should have mentioned something, her acceptance when I told her years ago was the honesty and how hard it must have been for me to tell her something like that and if I could tell her that I can tell her anything in the future. I didn't have a chance for the situation to sink in yet and decided not to tell her last night, I'm sure I could come up with some BS that I didn't want to concern her with her mother sick . To me honesty is the best policy but when it comes to this situation we have to make sure all our angles are covered and be prepared for anything and she may not be in a very patient mood being preoccupied with her mother sick, but waiting and her thinking I'm holding out on her could also make thinks bad to.
    I'm just sitting here trying to figure out the right scenario, as much as I believe it would be a blast sharing this with my SIL I don't believe I should bring that up and maybe just be careful I don't blow away what took years to build. Sometimes times it's like a roll of the dice, you just don't know how ther going to land.
    Last edited by Di; 02-12-2022 at 10:45 AM.

  2. #2
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    I'm somewhat of an authority on keeping secrets and being untruthful. As such, and considering that your wife is so cool about your dressing, I would strongly recommend that you tell wifey that SIL accidentally saw you dressed and is very curious and excited about seeing more of you. Then shut up and let her decide what to do next. SIL sounds like heaps of dangerous, risky fun that could go south in an instant.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    This is a strange situation. It may be time to talk to your wife about what your SIL said and what she knows. Having a "secret" with a SIL who is YOUR wife's sister sounds like trouble in the making.

    Edit: I just saw Monica PVD's response. Very good advice, especially the last sentence.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I went back and viewed some of your other posts regarding your SIL. Monica offers solid advice in my opinion - tell your wife right away, don't let even the hint of a secret bleed through, and let your understanding wife guide the situation...it is her sister after all. Personally though, when you speak to her I would avoid the bit about becoming aroused though - that might be on the TMI list at the moment.

  5. #5
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You have had your wife as your protector each time your SIL has tried to get you to do something in secret. My suggestion is to tell your wife what happened.

  6. #6
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Is this the same one that got drunk and tried to get you to put on a dress in front of her in your basement ?
    IG : Knightress Oxide

  7. #7
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dutchess View Post
    Is this the same one that got drunk and tried to get you to put on a dress in front of her in your basement ?
    Exactly what I am thinking!!!

    And seriously
    Why have you not told your wife ?
    All of this !
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  8. #8
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    Yeah, I recall that episode with the SIL?very dangerous situation.

  9. #9
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    I also remember some posts where your SIL suspected or knew of your dressing. There was the attempted "dress up" in her dress. If I recall without checking, but, I recall a prior glimpse of you. Modern technology can be dangerous. I would highly suggest you tell your wife about her conversations/texts. Obviously the cat is out of the bag. You have lost control of the narrative. I think your wife needs to have a conversation with your SIL to tell her your dressing is a private matter between you and your wife.

  10. #10
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I would not want to be within twenty miles of a woman dealing with a sick mother who then finds out her husband is getting all tingly for her sister.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    I think it it really crazy that you don't tell your wife about this situation. You wife knows you dress. Your SIL saw you when on the phone with your wife.

    Seems like a pretty easy conversation. Even if it is to let your wife know so she will be more careful with the phone.

    Playing with fire not talking to her. My thoughts
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  12. #12
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    What everyone else has suggested. Tell your wife what happened. Tell her about the messages from your SIL. Do NOT tell her about the arousal factor. Then, once she knows what has happened, ask her to please run interference for you and deal with her sister in whatever way she believes is best.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
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  13. #13
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    All pretty crazy, I too remember when your SIL wanted you to dress up in her dress. This is a crazy/dangerous situation you are in. Take the advice and talk with your wife.
    Good luck
    Crissy

  14. #14
    Senior Member missjoann49's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridget thronton View Post
    You have had your wife as your protector each time your SIL has tried to get you to do something in secret. My suggestion is to tell your wife what happened.
    I whole heartedly agree.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    "Honey, remember the other day when you sister called?" Then show her teh text exchanges with your SIL.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

  16. #16
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Thanks for the great advice and I used it. My wife came home about a half hour ago. I first asked her how her mom was feeling and then decided instead of "we have to talk" or making it sound serious I introduced it as a discussion. I told her because of the situation with her mother I didn't want to bring this up last night but her sister seen me when she was FaceTimeing with her. She used a swear word and she told me she will stop FaceTimeing, I instantly told her that she doesn't have to stop doing anything, especially when it has to do with my dressing and I will make the alterations. I opened my phone to her and showed her the conversation we had plus the one I told my SIL this morning that I was going to tell my wife about it. My wife read the messages and just shock her head telling me her sister just can't leave well alone, she can't leave a stone unturned and has to take everything to the limits.
    She knows that I always had a great connection and great communication with her sister and I have helped her threw some touch times, she doesn't buy or do almost anything without talking to me first. My wife told me she knows if I involved her sister how she would love sharing this and our relationship would probably grow closer, but for some reason trouble seems to follow her. She said that from the day I told her we decided not to tell the children or the family and not complicate things and keep it simple. This has worked for us for 30 plus years why disturb of change anything now. She told me to take her sisters advice and erase the messages and forget it ever happened and she will be more careful in the future with her phone. Her next sentence was what I wanted for dinner? Thanks again for the great advice.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Good move Maria. Glad it all worked out in the end.

  18. #18
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    I get the feeling that with your SIL, she lives by the principle that if some is good, then more is better. She will not be happy until she is with you while you are dressed, and you are both in well over your/her head. The problem is that when this happens, she will be standing on your shoulders while you are drowning. My wife does FaceTime also, and I having learned to stay in another room while she is doing it, as she wouldn't notice me in the background. Oh, the joys of being a CD'er inside your own sanctuary sometimes!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  19. #19
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Way to go Maria - crisis averted!

  20. #20
    Member ziggie's Avatar
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    I came late to this thread but it's good that it all worked out. Keep your wife in the loop and stay careful with the SIL.
    So many new things to learn

  21. #21
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I am glad you said something.
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  22. #22
    Member Wendy-Lyn's Avatar
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    I'd have been out of there long ago.

  23. #23
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Great choice Maria! It always ends up "ugly" when family gets mixed into personal life in any situation, and you did the best thing possible. You kept the trust of your wife which is the most important thing. I know that it can be hard because sometimes its embarrassing to discuss certain things because of that underlying fear that many of us have beneath the surface ....

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    Again I didn't answer but for some reason after that message I got so sexually aroused of the idea of her seeing me and her telling me that I looked good.
    Maria, you tell me...but what I took from this isn't that you were sexually aroused about your SIL, but sexually aroused because someone other than your wife knows, and it is exciting/thrilling. Am I right? That's a nuance that might be difficult to explain to your wife, but it's a very important nuance. I.e., your SIL in that scenario could be replaced by anyone. It's not your SIL causing the reaction.

    As for your SIL; there is alllll kinds of danger writ large on any dealings with her. She sounds like serious trouble, and I would do everything in my power to (a) make sure I was never alone with her again and (b) make sure my wife was ALWAYS 100% in the know about anything to do with her sister, even minor stuff. I would go with the idea of deleting everything and acting as if it never happened, as she suggested.

  25. #25
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    I can relate to your situation. For a different means of the SIL finding out but all the rest is very similar. And I firmly believe you did the right thing just as I did, I feel that once the cat is out of the bag you must deal with it. And the truth is so much simpler in the long run. So I hope it works as well for ya'll as it did for us.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
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