Hi,
I hope someone here remembers me...I have not been posting here for a long while and I wanted to post an update on my progress. Funny thing for me is that when I first joined these forums as a crossdresser someone had posted a question of what is the difference between a crossdresser and a transgender. The answer that struck me was "About three years."
After a lot of thought and counseling I decided to begin my transition. I saw a Doctor back in late October and she started me on HRT. So I have now been on HRT for 87 days now and yes I have been keeping count, I have unfortunately gained some weight but I have also noticed some minor changes. After being on HRT for about 21 days I was getting soreness of my nipples. About another week of increasing soreness and I started getting an itchy feeling in my breasts. The itchy feeling comes and goes but has been persistent. I have noticed some breast enlargement but I am still not even a full A cup. So a little disappointed so far but I am still hopeful of at least getting to a full A cup. Of course a C cup would be awesome but I am mostly sure that would not happen without breast augmentation surgery. (Adding BA surgery to my list of things to get done.)
I have also noticed a lessoning of the body hair growth. It seems to not grow in as fast and thick as it used to. I am very glad for that as being hairy anyplace other then the top of my head just freaks me out. So still having to shave all over but defiantly not seeing the huge forest of hair coming in that I used to see. (Adding face electrolysis to my list of things to get done)
Oh and my skin is getting much softer. The feeling of my legs after shaving is out of this world now.
I have been hoping to see some change to my body shape you know a little more in the butt and thighs but so far I have only seen my gut growing so diet and exercise has got to start now. I have never been good at maintaining an exercise program before but I now have a better vision of myself that I want to achieve so hopefully that will provide the motivation that I need.
Since my Chemo treatments back in 2007 I have had low testosterone levels. I was prescribed testosterone and used it for several years but I realized how much I despised using it. I realized that my motivation for staying on the T was for sexual function with the wife. When I stopped using the T our sex life and relationship suffered. But I just could not keep doing that to my self. Anyway the point is that my Doctor did not start me off with any T blockers. I will be getting blood work soon so I will have a better idea if my femme & Ms are lowering the T down to female levels or not. I did notice that there is no more early morning wood, but I do not miss that at all.
I have noticed that I have an internal happiness that I did not have before. The dysphoria that was constantly buzzing around my head like a swarm of gnats has become much more tolerable. My wife and I are still separated but I feel that I have finally accepted the situation. It is something that I have no control over and I realize that I need to move forward with my life. My daughter (30 years old) knows everything and has been very supportive. She has been helping me with learning makeup and giving me advice on self care. I have gone out three times now as Rachel. The first time was to a transgender support group and the other two times to a local resort night club at Rainbow Mountain. The Halloween party was so much fun and I danced all night. So even though I was not someone who enjoyed dancing Rachel IS a dancing girl and she will not be denied when a dance floor is available.
I am not out to all of my family or publicly but I know that the day is coming. Each day it gets a little harder to put on the boy cloths and trudge off to work. I look forward to the day I can let Rachel be free. I realized one of the main factors that was preventing me from transitioning was knowing that I could never pass as a woman. I eventually came to the realization that it was not about passing but it was about being true to who I am inside.
I am no longer CD Rachel, I am TS Rachel....LOL
Thank you to everyone here who has helped me overcome the pain and depression that I was going through. I do not think I would have made it were it not for so many caring individuals that supported me when I was low. I hope I am able to pay it forward.
Rachel
). Nikki is right - keep the journal. I have it all in the same spreadsheet. Speaking of Journal, my breast didn't really START to grow until 90 days. There was pain and discomfort earlier but not much growth. And the body fat (thighs, butt) - that's happened around 2 years, so you better get patience. One more thing - I never was on T blockers. E shots were enough to bring T down and E to the right levels. Less drugs, less side effects, same results. 
