I?ve been on HRT for over two years now, with weekly counseling for three years, laser beard removal monthly sessions for two years, almost a year of very painful twice a week sessions of electrolysis for my white beard hairs, and two voice feminization coaches. Despite the torture of most electrolysis and laser sessions, the difficulty to find time in my crazy work schedule to get to all my sessions and the cost of it all, it?s what keeps me going, thinking I?m moving forward in my transition.
However, at home my wife hates the idea (and I love my wife), my grown up daughter also hates the idea and have to hide Carolina when she comes to visit and my grown up son doesn?t know about it (because I?m very afraid of telling him) and also have to hide Carolina back in the closet when he is in town.
At work it is even more difficult. I work in a very conservative industry in a very conservative public company, I have a pretty high profile (CEO) and serve in several boards of other large companies. It would be unthinkable for Carolina to show up (although I constantly think about it). I try to push the diversity and inclusion agenda but one thing is the theory and another is the reality.
Socially, I also have very conservative social circles and friends, but I have managed to come out to a very good gay friend of mine who accepted me, but doesn?t get too involved, and recently I came out to another very good friend who is reasonably religious. She claims to accept me but constantly warns me about HRT, why do I take those health risks, why throw everything away, watch out for the family, etc etc. All with very good intentions at heart since she is absolutely great, loves me and is trying to accept me, but it is still very hard for her. My wife refuses to meet my gay friend since he knows about Carolina and she doesn?t want the two worlds to mix (she was also a good friend to my gay friend), so I didn?t tell her about my other friend to avoid shunning her also.
So yes, very slow transition, but I?m very excited for every epliation session I go to no matter how incredibly painful they are, very excited with my psychologist who tried to ?fire me? since she doesn?t know what else to tell me (but I want to have someone to talk to), excited seeing my budding breasts that I have to hide everywhere I go and will become a major issue in summertime with the pools and beaches, and love having longish feminine nails as an expression of my femininity even if I have to walk in fists at work or with friends, hiding my beloved nails.
I don?t know when I?ll be able to fully transition but love dreaming about it and in the meantime focusing on my day to day tiny steps forward