Should I feel guilty?

[DianeT]

Philippa Grace, welcome to the forums.

To contextualize your wife's answer we'd need to know what you exactly told her so far. What was it? That you CD in private? That you'd like going out? Spending your life as a female? Have gender dysphoria?

Leaving a few items laid out as hints doesn't translate as "she knows" (this is a common mistake here. Women have no crystal ball and certainly little to no experience of CDers). She just knows about your CDing to the extent of what you told her.

About guilt : it's not wrong to CD. But if you hide and lie, you are hurting your wife and couple (broken trust is a no go with GGs). Maybe your guilt has more to do with that than CDing.

[Marissa Q]

I agree with many in this thread that you need to resolve any guilty feelings you have; guilt is the true mind-killer.
But Dutchess' statement above makes much sense to me, and even moreso since -- as she says -- it's rarely mentioned. I think that, quite often, there are a host of glaring marriage problems which exist before any "coming out" discussion with an SO, and these are generally glossed over. Sexual intimacy is such a crucial part of any relationship. If it's flagging or has been relatively non-existent for ages, then you can expect a much tougher slog explaining your CD'ing and -- dare I say it -- provide the greatest evidence against the all-too-common, knee-jerk claim of "I swear I'm not gay, honey". So don't kid yourself.
In my opinion and experience, if the sex is great for you and your partner, a host of other issues is more easily forgiven. But if you've been counting the months (or years!) since both of you had satisfying sexual experiences together, well... a great price will have to be paid. Consistency of intimacy between you is a primary bulwark against claims of "deviancy"; if that intimacy has become a "chore" you seek to avoid, then you need to admit and come to grips with that simple, oft-undeniable fact.

[Beverley Sims]

One day it will all come out, I hope it is not too rough a time ahead.

Times and attitudes change, maybe your wife's demeanor will soften also.