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Thread: Your Female Persona

  1. #1
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Your Female Persona

    I am going to have some time to myself today, which means I will get to dress. I am always filled with anticipation as I will get to visit with, if just for a little while, my persona, my alter ego "Kris". As I begin to prepare mentally at least, it got me to thinking how I view her (notice use of third person).

    Although Kris is indeed me, sort of, I view and imagine her almost as a different person with personality characteristics sharply different from my own. She lives in the moment. She is very socially oriented, searches out social situations and loves to interact with others, even if only online for the moment. She is a very fashionable dresser, loves to shop online or even in person if she can.She's very vain, enjoys looking in the mirror, loves to have her picture taken, and loves to take them. She is very sexy, yet not overtly so. All of these and more are a big reason why "I" enjoy visiting with her as much as I do. I so enjoy our differences and relish the sensation of bringing her out, and have some disappointment when she must go away until next time, even though I know she'll be back.

    I find all this interesting because when I started to actively CD just a short time ago, a full blown persona did not exist; I just knew I wanted to wear women's clothing. "Kris" revealed herself almost immediately, almost like she was always there, just waiting to emerge. I must admit at first it was a little scary, but it felt and feels so good!

    Anyway, I'm wondering if you have a persona or alter ego, and how do you view her? A separate entity with whom you have a close relationship? Yourself, just with your female side amplified? Situational, going back and forth? Do you escape the world in your alter ego? Or simply partake in the joy of wearing women's clothing. We're all different, so it might be fun to explore this. Let's discuss!

  2. #2
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    Interesting question. I think I need to try to establish exactly what my male persona is or was. Upon reflection I do not think there was a "light switch" that all of a sudden flipped me from male to female. I definitely started off totally male or little boy. There was never any influence in the sense of a mother or aunt or female cousins or sisters dolling me up in female clothing for fun or humiliation/punishment. I was all boy; sports, playing in the dirt, comic books, etc. I had many trips to the principal's office all through elementary and junior high school. Puberty arrived and inner conflict arose within me. I did not like what I felt; totally mind blowing, self loathing, self hatred. It was something I did not embrace. At some point in time there came self acceptance.

    I think Stephanie's developed really paralleled the male counterpart. I was never one for socializing as a male. I read all the posts of "clubbing and dancing" and I wonder if they do those activities in male mode? Maybe I would characterize myself as a home body; male or female. In my marriage my wife and I have always been on the same page. There was never a strict delineation of duties. One would see her mowing the lawn while I was cooking.

    When it came to the actual cross dressing aspect it seemed to reflect my male side. In male mode I worked in an office environment attired in shirt, tie and dress slacks. After hours it was clean jeans and collared shirts. Casual. When Stephanie had the opportunity to flourish (pre-covid and wife's retirement) she always wore dresses. There is no a stitch of male inspired female clothing in my wardrobe; pants, whether long or short. It's all dresses. The dresses range from what a woman would wear in a professional setting or church to summery floral dresses for leisure time in the backyard.

    When I did have the opportunity to be en femme 24/7 for seven to ten days I did not "prance" in front of a mirror. It did not take any time at all to just grab either male or female attire off the rack in the closet. I guess my male and female sides just complement each other.

  3. #3
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Interesting post, Kris. Especially applicable to Sherry and I. I always refer to her in 3rd person because she is definitely NOT me!

    When I go out dressed, I'm just the same old man in a dress.

    However, Sherry looks nothing like me! So, I'm free to become an entirely different persona. And, she changes depending on where I am and who I'm with as Sherry!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
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    This is an interesting topic for me. CD started at 4-5, sneaking pantyhose from mom?s drawer or when she wasn?t home. I do think my start was due to a hole video my brothers ridiculed me for. As an infant my mother and grandmother dressed me in a cute dress to ?see what you?d look like as a girl baby?. Of course young boys being young boys I was humiliated with the video clip all growing up until 10-11. But by that time, I?d been caught twice dressing up and learned that I needed to suppress and hide it. As of course, it?s of the devil.

    Fast forward to now, I came to terms with it after suppressing my cross dressing desires completely by altogether suppressing sexuality in general. I couldn?t even be intimate with my wife and it was causing our marriage issues. I finally started out on some research and learned about what the hell is going on in my head and came to terms with the fact that yes, I am indeed a transvestite and I do take great pleasure in cross dressing. Hard to come to after so many years(I?m 31) suppressing it all.

    My wife was a bit freaked out and worried, but has come around to respecting me and even encouraging my expression, but she also has healthy boundaries and the conversation is wide open. We talk about it freely and honestly and I can tell you, it?s made us so much closer.

    As far as alter ego, or who I am while dolled up, I don?t even know where to begin. I identify as myself, I?m most certainly th same person. I don?t really feel to be a different persona. I don?t know if that?s because I?m new to it or not, but I just really feel like me. Confident and comfortable in makeup, clothes that express a part of me that just never sees the light of day.

    I don?t think I have an alternate persona, and I?m curious what that means. I definitely love it, don?t want to stop and definitely don?t want to go back to the closet about it. 6 years of our marriage I feel like that could have been much more intimate. I feel like I cheated my wife out of what we could have had in that time. So happy to move forward now.
    Last edited by char GG; 01-25-2022 at 05:04 PM. Reason: Topic of religion is not allowed/rules

  5. #5
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Hi Kris, The persona of Debbie came about 10 years ago. Although I crossdressed when I was younger , it was the enjoyment of dressing up in women?s clothes at the time. I experimented with clothes for years but gave it up when my wife and I had our daughters: I never thought about a girls name despite attending a CD support group in the 1980s.CD came back with a vengeance in 2011. Debbie was then created. To this day Debbie has not tried makeup , something I hope to rectify in the future by visiting a makeup artist. The alter ego of Debbie is definitely pure escapism and stress relief now . However there just is not enough time for her due to other work and life commitments.Enjoy your time dressing,It is more fun and exciting when it Is a new experience. Once bitten hooked for life.

  6. #6
    Member ziggie's Avatar
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    Interesting question, Kris. While these things are fluid and I'm certainly in the middle of a voyage of discovery, I don't think I have a female persona and male persona per se. I see myself as more non-binary and think that the male and female aspects of Ziggie are just parts of a whole, always there no matter which side of the coin is currently visible. These things change, however, and I may have a different feeling in six months or six years.
    So many new things to learn

  7. #7
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    I really do not have any alter ego or persona. A GG friend once said, you are the same person as ever, just with nicer clothes.

  8. #8
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    I feel im the same person. Its just that these are my work and everyday clothes and these are my at home clothes. Some of my mannerisms might change such as crossing my legs or keeping my knees close together if Im in a short skirt but over all Im still the same person.
    Last edited by Ricky Rayne; 01-25-2022 at 07:06 PM.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    It is just me, with my female side amplified?
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #10
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Drat, you had to put out an idea that sets me to thinking. I really don't know that I adopt a different persona. Even when I have gone out, it's still just me only dressed pretty. The real oddity is when I look at myself there is a certain detachment, as though I'm looking at someone else. When I see an opportunity to really dress up in a couple days, I'm thinking "it will be so nice to see Geena again." The toughest aspect to wrap my mind around is when I have gone out, particularly the last couple times. Somehow, I reconciled myself with who I see in the mirror and just enjoyed feeling and looking like that. I will have to give this some thought next time I get to dress up.

  11. #11
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    The woman I see in the mirror is the real me. My male presentation is an act I put on when necessary. I was always uncomfortable as a male, never knowing how to act and overdoing the macho on way too many occasions. But in female mode, everything is easy and natural. Curiously enough, male mode became much easier once I realized it was just an act.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    I've come to the realization that Gracie's behavior/ persona is me. My male behavior is different, but the result of decades of behaving like society and parents, teachers, etc. told me that I was supposed to act. Gracie burst fort. She was always there. I had been suppressing her for all those years. I am allowing her to come forth more in male mode now. At least as much as I can 'get by with', without upsetting anyone.

  13. #13
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    I am me, no matter what I am wearing. My online name is a weather term. It simply sounds like a female name. Likewise, my avatar is a throwback to a time when I was a meteorologist. Old age and an accepting SO have meant that I have more freedom to wear what I like, whenever I like.

  14. #14
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Wow great post Kris, my alter ego "Connie" came to being as a young person like many sneaking into my older sister room and more important her cloths. I would play sick from school and dress up all day. Growing up in the 60's, peer pressure and society, she had to stay in the shadows of everyday life. Has I got older she never went away less dressing but always on my mind. Kris like you she is " fashionable dresser, loves to shop online or even in person if she can. She's very vain, enjoys looking in the mirror, loves to have her picture taken, and loves to take them. She is very sexy, yet not overtly so." She lets me escape my male role and always has. She is in search for a real relationship no not a boyfriend relationship, A real girlfriend one that I could shop with talk to and hang out with. I have always been jealous of how girls interact let's face it guys can be jerks.

  15. #15
    Sarah Adams Vintage4sarah's Avatar
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    What an interesting topic to bring up as it helps us to fathom who we really are. Like many respondents, I have gone through the evolution of changes and awareness of who we are and can be. This thread has made me think of how I approach my view of Sarah as part of my personality. Yes, she is the female person who I wish I could have become all along especially over the last ten years. Sarah's is more outgoing and free spirited than Paul. She also can break the chains that has restrained Paul who has always lived up to others expectations and my own perspective of being the responsible husband, father and professional. This possibly explains my habit of referring to Sarah in the "third person". Even though there is a lot of overlap between each part of me, there has developed a distinct difference which I have come to enjoy.
    Sarah Adams, mature girl from NH. My photos are on Flickr under vintage4sarah !

  16. #16
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    For me, it has been an evolution - and I'm still not sure where it'll end.

    As a child, I just KNEW that I was supposed to have been born a girl and frequently asked the "great poobah" (avoiding religions here...) to fix it.
    It didn't happen.

    In my teens and early adulthood, I just KNEW that I was some kind of freak. I hated who/what I was. In other words, I wholeheartedly bought into the great societal lie.

    Then I learned I wasn't alone. I still struggled with my urges. I thought that if I married, it would go away.
    Nope.

    But - living the "traditional male" role in life forced me to put "her" aside. I stuffed it all into a corner and kept the two halves of myself rigidly separated.
    Of course, that wasn't good for my mental well being But it DID help me cope. I thought of myself and "her" as almost two separate people, living in the same body. (I was probably skirting dangerously close to a breakdown here)

    Eventually, I managed to incorporate my two sides into a single whole. I might still say something like "she'd like that" if I'm around people who don't know, but it's more for convenience and not wanting to have to explain things to people who don't need to know. I don't have the internal two-gender battle for dominance any more. I'm just me - whoever that is.

    When fully dressed and in Sara mode, do I have a different personna? I don't really think so. I'm a bit shyer, more timid and insecure - but I'm basically these things anyway.
    I don't suddenly become a party animal or anything like that. I'm just me - only (like kimll93 said), "with nicer clothes"

  17. #17
    "A glass of wine anytime" rachaelsloane's Avatar
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    It's really hard to explain why Rachael is self-confident, somewhat outgoing and always ready to get into a conversation, whereas, my evil twin brother is quiet, shy and rarely speaks to strangers. When I first went out in the city (San Francisco) a really good friend would talk to everyone, sometimes leaving me to fend for myself, so I took her lead and spoke to stranger(s). After a while, we would work the room and see where the evening took us. It was quite a ride and we'll have stories to talk about for years.
    Kris, thank you for your question.
    " I love the life I live and I live the life I love"

  18. #18
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Great question Kris. Interesting responses. It does show the differences present in the full range we all cover.

    Up until about 3 years ago (73 yrs old) there tended to be a separation most of the time. Not a great deal of difference, but visible in both internal feelings and outward expression. For the previous 7 years there had been a creeping merger of the two where they became more and more similar but with a few traits and characteristics rather different. Prior to to that which was when I came out, they were quite different.

    It seems the two finally fully merged at some point around 3 years ago and became a cooperative and collaborative union in a fairly non-binary sort of way. Quite adaptable and able to relate to others in either a male-like fashion or a female-like fashion and switch back and forth at a snap of the fingers as the situation requires. I have no idea what that looks like to others, but I think some definitely are a bit unnerved by it. It is OK - I am a bit unnerved by their inability to adapt very much. Seems to show that gender identity is an adaptive behavior where everybody is just different in their comfort range.

  19. #19
    Junior Member Alice92's Avatar
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    I don't think I have a dual personality but a complex personality. I like guy stuff (boxing, soccer....) and girly stuff (fashion, flowers...). I can talk raw about sex or prefer a romantic evening. I can be quiet and lonely or be someone more loud and much less delicate... It all depends on my mood, not on the clothes I'm wearing. Although of course, my choice of clothes can also depend on my mood. So often Alice seems more shy and serious than my male self. But I am definitely Alice, she's not another persona.

  20. #20
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    It's just me.
    I always felt this was me and I don't recall ever thinking otherwise.
    I did refer to myself in the third person a few times and it felt very strange. There is no one else, it's just me.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  21. #21
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I'm glad that many of you have found this topic interesting, and hopefully you have not found it distracting from the fun of CD by thinking about it too much! The differences in the responses points to how different we all are in our approach to CD, and maybe what it means to us as individuals. On a personal level, this description most closely mirrors what I feel when I am Kris:

    Quote Originally Posted by Vintage4sarah View Post
    Yes, she is the female person who I wish I could have become all along especially over the last ten years. Sarah's is more outgoing and free spirited than Paul. She also can break the chains that has restrained Paul who has always lived up to others expectations and my own perspective of being the responsible husband, father and professional. This possibly explains my habit of referring to Sarah in the "third person". Even though there is a lot of overlap between each part of me, there has developed a distinct difference which I have come to enjoy.
    For me, pretty spot on. Kris is an alternate personality for me, although an imaginary one, a fantasy of sorts that I can live out n some measure. When I see Kris in the mirror, I am not admiring myself, I am admiring her, not only her appearance but her personal qualities too, again that I have ascribed to her in my imagination. Even though I have no desire to become a woman or transition,yet in many ways she is what I would want to be if I was. I am not her, but it feels great to have a relationship with her that is so close, and when I bring her out, so intense and yes, sensuous.

    I'm certain a psychiatrist could run wild with this. It sounds almost like a split personality, but it's not, nor do I have any desire to be cured. I can and always do return to reality when I need to or have to - my alter ego is not "driving the bus" . But its both fun and for me it has proven to be therapeutic to take on her persona, if only for a little while in fantasy.

  22. #22
    Member 1Ladyjade's Avatar
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    I love this question. My cross dressing has always been in the closet. I just wanted to put on some soft things. But this time my CD I gave her a name and I have a picture in my mind of her in the cloths I put on. Jade is a girly girl she will only wear dresses and skirts. She is not a trashy girl exuding sex with lots of makeup and slinky clothes. She is sexy because she wears her clothes to be classy and refined. Her makeup is subtle and pretty. I just have to remember reality I'm a old man in a dress. But Jade is beautiful in my minds eye.

  23. #23
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    Over the many years of my dressing I never really gave much thought about a female persona. I just knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes. I also knew that my desires were going to wax and wain. I never really considered a female name or even thought about pronouns. I work in an environment that is all about inclusivity and so in our email signatures we are asked to list our pronouns. That is where I began to do more thinking. Consequently, I have yet to put pronouns in my signature. This lead me to do more research about gender topics. Goodness knows there are so many gender identity labels that it can be confusing to say the least. I settled into the fact that honestly I am more gender nonconforming. I also believe that this was going on during my entire life. As a toddler I had a blanket with a silk boundary. I was told by my mother I loved to rub it next to my face. I totally loved soft clothing. I was the youngest and had three older sisters. I used to babysit all of my nephews and nieces. I gravitated to learning how to cook from my mother and loved to bake. I was a whiz at doing the all of the household chores for the first 10 or more years of our marriage. I was fussy about how things were hung in the closet. I was a stay at home father. I work in a career that requires being very oriented towards feelings and has more females working in it. Yet, I also longed to know more about fixing cars. My father was a crack mechanic but had zero patience for me. Thus I grew up afraid to do any work under the hoods of my cars. My nephew is now my mechanic and I assist him with the work, so I have learned a lot from him. I find myself rambling a bit now. I guess I am now more on the path of accepting me. Which also includes Jennifer. I do not see a division or a separate persona. I don't get out much dressed as Jenni. I am certainly more aware of mannerisms and watch girls/women in order to get better with them. I am looking forward to discovering her now though.

  24. #24
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    I find that I naturally become more feminine the more I do feminine things, e.g. when im putting on male underwear, I just sort of step into them and pull them up! But when I'm putting on panties, I have a more feminine stance, with feet slightly apart and knees and thighs together and I slide them up my legs, enjoying the amazing feeling. Or when I'm sitting, I sit with knees together, or legs underneath me, which I never do in male mode. As I say, I find that I naturally do these things rather than mean to do them, if that makes sense! The more dressed I am the more femme I become, especially if make up and nails are done! Walking is a stumbling block, I really have to concentrate, and usually fail, at a feminine walk. Sometimes I even practice in male mode, like when going round the supermarket. Dressing, underdressing, feeling femme and acting femme is something I really enjoy.

  25. #25
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Whether I am dressed or not , whether I introduce myself as April or not I am always the same person. When dressed as a woman I try to observe the feminine protocols.

    I very much want to be one integrated honest person. I hate the cloak and dagger stuff.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

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