I came out to my SO a few years ago, right at the start of our relationship. I knew immediately we were about to get serious that I had to do it, but took a few days to ready myself for the announcement, working out in my head how to do it. Naturally, I was very nervous.
I had, by then, accepted my CDing and accumulated a definite wardrobe.
I wasn't going to purge. I'd already purged twice and knew that it doesn't stick. I'd just end up starting again from scratch and rueing the loss of irreplaceable favourites. Besides, it's expensive.
I wasn't going to go undercover. The days of hiding Fiona's things were over: they hung in her wardrobe and overflowed their shelves into 'his' space. Even if SO didn't go exploring something would be found one day. "The heels? Oh, I'm just storing those for a friend," wasn't going to cut it.
So, heart in mouth, I told her. "I'm a crossdresser."
I'm sure there must then have been a few seconds' pause - the sort of seconds that each last minutes - but SO seemed unfazed. She must have asked questions, no doubt many of the usual ones, but I cannot remember any of them, just that I answered them and she didn't run screaming. In fact she didn't run at all.
So now she knew and my fear would be replaced by self-consciousness. At some point, either that evening or a few days later, she asked to meet Fiona. I thought it best to start with something safe - a daytime, office-type look with one of my wigs. Though I had a make-up kit I had barely ever practised so didn't try. I presented Fiona, with his face looking out. That seemed to be OK. SO said something to the effect that make-up would be too much.
SO was accepting, supportive - she even gave me a pair of 4" heels the next Christmas. Wow! However, despite how well things had gone, I was wary of dressing too often or talking about CD-ing in case it became too big a thing and thence a problem between us. I wasn't trying to exclude SO from Fiona, just for Fiona to be an aspect of me rather than a definition. During the recent lockdowns, when we were unable to meet as often as normally, it became even more important to me that I usually presented to SO as her boyfriend. Consequently, by the Christmas just gone, Fiona wanted to be heard and that is when I decided I needed to sign up to the forum.
Before I could though, SO amazed me again, for this Christmas she presented me with make-up, brushes, a sponge, mascara and eye-liner, lipsticks, eyelashes (!) and earrings and wanted to know when we could 'play'. I was thrilled and terrified. We'd never really talked about what Fiona liked or wanted to wear, what sort of look she wanted. Was I ready for this? How would I look? What look should I say I want? What look is it OK to want? What would SO think? I've been sort of suppressing Fiona and SO wants to launch her! It felt like coming out all over again but in spades!
We've had one play day so far with OK results. SO has long inferred what kind of looks I really like but I'm still self-conscious talking about it and, weirdly, feel that SO is ready to move faster than I am. She's even talked of us finding somewhere to go. It's brilliant but still scary.
Is it possible for a CD to go too slowly?
Originally Posted by Fiona Manchmal
). 'Slowly' is more about being comfortable raising the CD topic. I've had the lid on it for so long that I still feel a bit foolish despite SO's support. As many have advised, the answer has to be communication. Not necessarily about CD itself but about talking about it. We had our first catalogue browse together the other day (SO's idea), pointing out what we liked/didn't like, and even then it took a while to relax into it. I'm glad we did it though. 
but it was a start and fairly successful. Again, SO has inferred (rather than I've told her) what my favourite look(s) might be (chic and evening) and her presents were tailored that way. I'm worried now that I won't achieve the look(s) I like and that leads to hesitation to try (more going slowly). It's definitely communication time....
