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Thread: Man in the ladies section...

  1. #26
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    I'm like Jenna, my last visit to the mall I had the ladies find me a good foundation, mascara, eye liner, lipstick and lip liner. The next stop at different store I was looking for a pocketed bra and inserts. The SA was very helpful considering I told her it was for me. She just said OK good, she gave me a quick look over, picked out a bra put the inserts in and told me that should work but it may feel a little heavy. She escorted me to the men's dressing room so I could try it on. The next stop was a BoHo outlet for a midi dress, I finally just told her it was for me, same thing, a quick look over and she picked out my size which I tried on and a perfect fit. I do the same at VS, it's just easier for me and the SA from the quessing game.

  2. #27
    Member StacyG's Avatar
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    It's amazing the power we give to strangers we will never meet or see again. When I was a teenager, I was at Sears at the mall during Christmas time. Of course the mall was packed to the gills and here i am next to a rack along the main aisle, holding a pair of red tap panties in awe and wonder. I was totally entranced by them and out the blue a man walks by and says "that's not your color." Snapped me back to reality but then i realized he had no idea who I was shopping for, he was just being silly. Like when I see a friend holding his wife's purse and say, That goes great with your outfit.

  3. #28
    Junior Member Marsha Louise's Avatar
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    Whenever I go browsing the aisles of the women's section, I try to appear focused and serious about what I'm doing, and avoid giving off signals that I'm doing something sneaky or unusual, or that I'm somehow trespassing.
    I also bring along a small tape measure that I brandish frequently and unapologetically as I view and consider items for purchase. Of course, I know my own measurements and relative sizes, but nobody else there knows whether I'm shopping for me, my partner, a theatre group or a women's shelter. Plus, measuring the various seams helps me avoid the need to try things on in-store.
    Usually I'm dressed in a neat, hybrid mode, the way most people are used to seeing me, and I've never experienced any kind of prejudice or hostility, shopping or otherwise.
    Try bringing a tape measure with you next time you go clothes shopping: another shopper might need and appreciate your "expert" assistance!
    Fashion liberated and loving it!

  4. #29
    Stephanie Lake StephanieLake's Avatar
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    So far I have only shopped in drab mode. When I first started, lingerie was all I was buying and at first I thought all the women were watching me. After time, I got more comfortable with it. Now I'm shopping for outer clothes and I go to the women's section and browse like I belong there. If I'm with my wife, and we are local, she doesn't like me to hold the clothes up to see if they fit, but if we are out of town or I'm alone, I have no problem doing it. So far, no one has said a word. If they do, I plan on being honest and say it's for me.

  5. #30
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    Yes, guilty as charged! How often are you going to see a 74 year old guy buying lingerie in the women's section? Maybe at Christmas or Valentine's Day or Mother's Day, and, in the nightgown section. Bra and panties? Psychologically, when my wife was younger (decades ago) and a 34B, I felt comfortable shopping for her. It would have been obvious to any sales associate I was not shopping for myself. I did shop for myself around holiday times with no mental angst. I had a 38 chest, and, felt I was still flying under the CD radar. Add aging and physical change, the angst arose. Of course, the motivation to shop in person also changed because the selection of garments I am interested in has changed. Find colorful slips? Zip, nil, nadda. Matching bra and panty with the slip? Zip, nil, nadda. Attractive nightgowns? You're kidding. Even if I had the balls to shop for myself, there is not too much to buy. I know my sizes and it is easier to order on line. I am awaiting the arrival of the latest colors of one of my favorite styles of Vanity Fair panties.

    I had to chuckle about "the guy with a list." That was me before the internet, when newspapers still had lingerie/undergarment ads. Who was I kidding when I presented the ad for a Vanity Fair pull on shaping slip. The SA said, with a smile, "She even gave you the ad with the size written down!" I did that twice because the garment came in black or white. Once I bought an open bottom girdle at Sears using the same ruse, although it did look like I just crawled out from under a car.

    I also used Halloween, the holy day of cross dressers to buy wigs, 12W shoes at Payless and attire. With hindsight, I was not fooling anyone.

  6. #31
    Member TAG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    I couldn't have done it without your perfect setup. Thanks!
    Not only that, but everyone has a right to shop for anything they like for whatever reason they like, so people who "care" should just mind their own business.
    I agree.

  7. #32
    Member Molly Wells's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the good comments and some laughs!
    For myself, I don't usually feel anxious shopping for femme things when in drab. It just hit me a little more the other day. It might be because it has been a long time since I have shopped in male mode. I am fortunate to be able to get out in femme from time to time (although it seems like it has been forever) and that is one of my pass times is to shop.
    The other day I was a bit distracted and in a bit of a hurry, but rest assured, I'll not long be deterred!!

    Hugs,
    Molly
    Last edited by Molly Wells; 03-22-2022 at 01:20 PM. Reason: grammar

  8. #33
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    I used to try to shop for womens stuff either when the store first opened or later in the evening because there were less people in the store to "bust"me. However the more that I did it, the more I noticed that other shoppers do not really care or even notice that I am a guy dressed as a guy looking at and trying on womens clothes. Just this past weekend I was trying swimsuits at Target. I came out of the fitting room, hung three swimsuits on the go back rack right in front of a Target employee. She saw what I was returning, smiled and told me to have a nice day. Now she might tell her friends and co-workers what she saw, why should I care? It doesn't make me uncomfortable anymore.

  9. #34
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    For many years I have purchased lingerie items, dressed in male mode. It took time to get comfortable doing it until it became perfectly natural. Only once did I remove myself from a situation. A woman, who was obviously 'not all there' started saying, "ha ha what is a man doing looking at stockings and pantyhose". I left and area and returned once she was gone. Now I think that most people are so into themselves that they notice nothing outside of themselves.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  10. #35
    Member Marissa Q's Avatar
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    There are a lot of great comments/thoughts in this thread, but this one from TAG sticks out at me:

    Quote Originally Posted by TAG View Post
    I worked retail for 2 years and the guy with a note thing is well known thing among dept store workers.
    For me, this just tells me that I simply need to own it because I'm not fooling anyone (except myself).
    If it's any consolation, 50 years ago you would have likely been arrested for panty shopping. In a country that reminds its citizens every hour on the hour that the USA is the "land of the free", well... we really should loosen up and enjoy some of that freedom.

    I'm basically a "closeted" CD, too, but I often find it funny how many of us act as if we're living in some authoritarian dictatorship that's ready to drop the hammer on us for even looking at a department store bra. It's all an illusion, really (and one I'm guilty of as well). Thanks for all the reminders in this thread of how it's really all in my own mind.

  11. #36
    Senior Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    I used to feel very self-conscious shopping (usually in Kohl's) for lingerie dressed in male clothing. I even tried the "guy with a note" trick. But after awhile I just didn't care anymore. I go to a Kohl's about 30 min. away rather than another one close to where I live and just go about my business without looking at anyone in the lingerie section. 99% of the women shopping there don't really care if a guy's shopping for intimates.

  12. #37
    Non-Binary Member Krea's Avatar
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    As an enby (one who obviously doesn't pass) i was a little apprehensive the first time i went shopping on the better side of the aisle, but it's just a confidence thing. Now, i don't care who sees me buying female things. If they don't approve then they are the ones who have the problem, not me.
    You're not doing anything wrong, if you behave normally and get on with your shopping. Don't be nervous or furtive, it just draws attention to you. Be confident. Walk in like you own the place!
    "The only way is onward. There is no turning back."

  13. #38
    Member susanmichelle's Avatar
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    I too used to be on edge shopping for womens clothing. I finally just settled down, would not look at anyone else just go to the section with whatever I was looking for and pick out my size then if that was the only thing purchased I?d go to the checkout. I?ve only had 1 time I?ve ever had a problem. I went into a consignment store one time and the owner came up to me said this is a woman?s store would you please leave. I never went back I even told some of my lady friends that knew of my dressing about 6 months later they went out of business. I think their not having an open mind is what caused it. They did it to theirselves

  14. #39
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    I think that there are fundamentally two dynamics at play here when we fret over buying lingerie for ourselves when in drab.

    1) We fetishize women's lingerie waaaay too much due to the way we were socialized and made to believe what was sexy, and what was not. We drool over certain styles of panties or bras, whereas for most women it's "meh!...it's just underwear". Unless they are preparing for a hot date that might lead somewhere or else a romantic evening with their husband or SO, they are far more concerned with comfort and fit - and sexy lingerie is not generally known for its inherent comfort.

    2) Women are very territorial when it comes to the "Women's Sections" in stores. They are always on the look-out for predators, creeps and weirdos who might do them harm. That's how they have been socialized, and often for good reason. A man in the lingerie section fondling panties or bras would certainly give off those vibes, deserved or not. The fact that he may be a crossdresser and is simply buying for himself usually isn't top of mind for them. We are also keenly aware of that barrier, and it gives us pause as well.

    It may sound counter-intuitive, but the best policy in many cases is to simply approach the nearest SA, tell them that you are shopping for yourself, and would like their assistance. Sure, an initial moment of awkwardness for both parties, but once the ice is broken and the SA becomes an ally for the rest of the shopping mission, it's amazing how satisfying and empowering it can be. Plus, the SA benefits from what will likely be a far higher sales total than she might see with the average female shopper.

  15. #40
    Shoes glorious shoes rachellegsep's Avatar
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  16. #41
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Doesn?t bother me more comfortable in drab . Any one seen the Father Ted clip . Priests lost in lingerie dept? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhuxrgi6lEI

  17. #42
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I got that feeling the last two times I went dress shopping.
    Over the last four years I bought about 400 dresses but in the last two months I've been too embarrassed to look at dresses in front of women!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  18. #43
    Member Marissa Q's Avatar
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    Leslie, those points are so well-stated that they should be a sticky on this forum.

  19. #44
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    I have bought bras and panties as gifts for several girlfriends and wives since the 1980s. I never felt self-conscious doing that, so buying for myself has never been a problem.
    There was one time when I was buying for a girlfriend and for myself at the same time. The shop assistant pointed out that I was buying different sizes. I just said "Yes. For 2 different people" and nothing more was said.

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    I remember using the women?s bathroom in a department store years ago and overhearing two women complaining about a man in the lingerie section. Why is he there? What is he doing?
    This irritates me. I see women in the men's section of stores all the time. No one ever thinks anything of it. This includes underwear. But a man? Setting foot in a lingerie section? HORROR OF HORRORS! SOME ONE CALL THE SOCIETY POLICE! QUICK!


  21. #46
    Member Crystal120's Avatar
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    I love to shop but I do it out of town because I have such a public job. I don't hesitate to go to the female section dressed as a male because I do not go out dressed. My wife allows me to dress at home with not much concern she even helps me shop sometime. I am not gay but love to fully dress at home.

  22. #47
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    For me, there's a funny psychological game going on. When i would shop in the women's section for clothing for my wife - no problem. When I began to shop there for myself, very self conscious, checking around for who saw me. Outwardly no difference at all - the difference was all in my mind. As I continue down the CD road, I'm finding it less of a problem, but it's still an issue. It doesn't stop me though, i just power through and it goes away in a few minutes.

    I do know they are coming to recognize me at the thrift store though, the guy who asks for the dressing room key while holding a skirt, or trying on shoes. No one has said a thing.

  23. #48
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I generally shop at stores away from the local haunts fearing someone I know seeing me with a bra, nylons or panties (even I tried to pass it off as for the spouse, they might ask her about it if they saw her). I used the covid mask mandate to my advantage, like a disguise. Of course, wearing a mask and sunglasses would really make me look like a predator.

    One reason for the difference is that women's "unmentionables" are often made to look pretty or sexy and a guy shopping them can seem like a guy lusting after mannequins. Maybe it's my perspective, but I don't see men's underwear being either pretty or sexy, or women shopping them with any thought other than "he really needs new shorts."

  24. #49
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    I used to have to go quite often to central London - a long way from home - and would sometimes visit the several large department stores along Oxford Street. Somewhat surprisingly there would often be several men, apparently of middle-eastern origin, accumulating armfuls of women's lingerie items. While that helped with any anxiety I might have had in being in the lingerie department in male clothes, I wondered why those men obviously felt quite at ease. I assumed that they were visitors, perhaps on business, to London and found the selection of lingerie on offer in those stores more attractive than was available in their home countries. Probably, too, they were buying on instructions from wives/daughters/girlfriends back home. I haven't visited Oxford Street for several years now so things might have changed with the drastic reduction in overseas visitors as a result of Covid.

  25. #50
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I used to feel that way all the time shopping.
    It was like spotlights were on me with a sign over my head and an arrow pointing at me "Crossdresser Alert!". You have to have confidence that you are doing nothing wrong. It's not strange. It's just shopping.
    Look around and find what you like. Your money is the same no matter how you are dressed.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

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