So on one hand things are great. I've stopped living a lie and I'm finally living an authentic life. I have several close friends that have accepted me. I'm lucky enough to have an employer that accepts my identity. It took a while, but my parents finally came around to accepting me and now consider me their daughter. I'm engaged to a wonderful cis woman who sees the real me and loves me. I've been on HRT for two years now. I've undergone a legal name change and gender change for my state and federal documents. I've been living full-time as Lisa for 15 months and I'm in the beginning process for scheduling my surgeries. Three years ago if you told me this is where I would be I would've called you a liar. I cannot believe how well and lucky things have gone for me.
On the other hand things aren't so great. I did lose a couple friends after I came out, but admit they really weren't my friends anyway. I do have some people that I have remained friends with, but we are not as close as we used to be. My brother, my sister, and my entire extended family (with the exception of one aunt) has disowned me. I do have to say thanks to my ex-wife of 23 years to blind siding me with the divorce. If it wasn't for her I never would've become my true self, but I did lose someone that I loved very deeply. I lost my dream home and my financial lifestyle. While I was far from being rich, I lived very comfortably. But what pains me the most is my kids.
I have a 20-year-old daughter who is a lesbian, a 17-year-old son who is bisexual, and a 17-year-old daughter that is straight. As much as I've tried to teach them unconditional love and acceptance of all peoples, they have rejected me. They haven't cut me out of their lives but all three of them very recently made it very clear they only see me because they have to; not because they want to. They say I ruined their lives because I transitioned. I tried telling them that I did not choose to be born this way; like they did not choose their sexual orientation. They disagree with gender identity being a choice, but even if my gender identity isn't a choice transitioning is. I should not have become Lisa. My youngest two are supposed to see me every Monday and every other weekend. They told me they don't want to come over at all anymore. They said they will see me when they choose to see me and not to be surprised if it is a very long time. I am a very selfish person according to them. My oldest is a little bit more tolerable of me and will still talk to me on the phone occasionally, but does not support my transition.
I feel very broken. I just don't understand my kids. This is 2022 and they are living like this is the 90s. I've raised them to accept everybody. They argue they do accept everybody but they will not accept me. They flat out said its okay for other people be transgender but is not okay for their dad to be transgender. I cant help wondering how they would feel if I was one of those parents that rejected their kids for being lesbian or bisexual. I would like to think that someday they will realize they were wrong with the way they treated me, but fear as they get older they will see that their dad abandoned them. They won't see all the times I was there for them even after I transitioned. I picked them up when they were upset their mom was doing drugs and did not want to be around it. I took a week off unpaid to be with my youngest daughter when she was sick in the hospital. I picked up my son when he was upset his mother was out having sex with a stranger all night leaving him home alone. They don't see all the things I bought for them including medicines, food, games and junk even when I did not have the money to do so. They say they feel betrayed by me, but I feel as the one that has been betrayed. As much as they have hurt me, my love for them will never change. It just hurts knowing that they do not want to be in my life anymore.
Thanks for letting me get this off my heart,
Lisa Marie
