After returning to my real self, I feel very comfortable going back to being Marcie. It was a big mistake, as I mentioned in my last post, trying to return to my male persona. I have started to rebuild my collection of wonderful female items. I now realize, you can not discard your inborn feminine desires, they are definitely a major part of your personality. I only hope I meet some of the special people on this very informative site. Please feel free to contact me.
Sorry that you have to start over again with your items. The good is that you get to do a lot of shopping for new items.
Retail Therapy!! Welcome back! Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
It must feel so good to be back Marcie. I think your positive attitude toward all of this will help you enjoy a fresh new start. Happy shopping!
What is it they say, "You can run but you can't hide". The desire will always return.
Good to be back ain't it?
Marcie, Welcome back. #neverpurge
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
Welcome back. I know all too well what you went through in trying to go back and trying to "kill" it via a purge. Very few are successful at that because, first of all, it leaves a huge void in our lives. But the main reason is what you discovered - it is built in to a large degree. It is usually not a habit that can be broken and it is usually not something that can be replaced with some other activity because it involves a fundamental characteristic of who we are as a person that probably goes back to a time well before we were even born and some things that happened, on purpose or by error, when we were developing in the womb.
That said, management is entirely possible, but even that depends on the actual source of those emotions we have that inspires the behavior. I can switch back and forth to some degree quite easily, but others I know cannot and be comfortable. Never say never when it comes to your gender needs and identity shifts - ridding it from your life requires complete self denial and we cannot do that and still survive.
That said, it is rarely an either/or kind of thing as well. Neurologically all but about 2% of the population are a blend of traits, characteristics, and behaviors that are mostly intermediate between what is traditionally and stereotypically male and female plus a goodly number of those that are strongly male oriented and a goodly number that are strongly female oriented. It doesn't matter a lot what your sex is. Some have a lot more of some than others and that drives the vast amount of variability we have as humans. And environment plays a huge role as well. On top of that the neurological foundations are always changing and adapting to new experiences. We are constantly changing in little ways that accumulate over time as a result of learning new skills.
Your purge did not work; in most it usually doesn't. But it is likely that the reason you purged was to find out, to do that "what will happen" experiment. So in that sense it was a good experience because you found out something very important about yourself. Your neural networks are very likely composed of a larger number of formats that are more of the female type than expected and they are not going to turn off just because you wanted them to. So now you can pursue the job of finding the current comfort zone where all three types of neural networks can coexist comfortably and compatibly that is the current sweet spot in your complex gender behaviors and expressions. For me, I can tell when I hit that point - I feel incredibly comfortable. I try to orbit around that point where the blend produces something as smooth as well whipped cream.
Last edited by GretchenM; 04-25-2022 at 07:46 AM.
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