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Thread: Running into people less prepared than I thought was

  1. #1
    Member Billie's Avatar
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    Running into people less prepared than I thought was

    After three months of working at Torrid and wearing only women's clothing while working, you'd think I'd have a better response when running into someone I know at the ready. The store was just a few minutes from my house, so the chances were good I'd see someone I knew.

    Yesterday my wife, her sister and I went to a Ren Faire. We all wearing nice Ren Faire type dresses and ran into an friend and her family. We knew she would probably be there as she had asked my wife earlier in the week about us going. I didn't really think much of it, we haven't seen her in over 2 years not just because of COVID, and it wouldn't be a big deal for her. That last part was the mistake. It seemed to be a big deal to her that I was in a dress. I've gotten a way better response at the gun range, not that I wear a dress, but I have dressed like any other woman there.

    She found us at the Joust and started with pointing out that I was in a dress to everyone around us, loudly asking her 20 something daughter if she saw me, and then point out what I was wearing. Asking loudly why I was wearing a dress, to which I only had, Why are you wearing a dress, as a response. She noticed my boobs and made that clear to all around too. She then sat next to my wife, and asked a few times or brought it up, and asked what a good friend of mine thought about me wearing a dress. After the Joust was over, when my wife's sister and I went into a boot vendor, she asked my wife if I was looking for Men's or Women's boots. I didn't know these a couple other little jabs till we were home.

    I then had a stranger encounter after we parted with the friend, I went to use the facilities (port-a-johns) and walking out was stopped by a lady. She said Honey, can you hold my cup, it was a horn and couldn't be rested on anything. Caught me off guard and I said sure. When she returned a few minutes later I handed it back and at that moment, I think she realized I wasn't a tall women. She was a little drunk, so I'd chalk it up to that, but it did make things a little better that a lady might have thought that I was one too for a sec.

    I guess I need to decide what I am going to say when I run into friends again. Or how to play it off or just roll with it and act like it's normal and let the chips land where they may. As I get more comfortable, it's leaning towards the chips landing way.

  2. #2
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Billie, I think the proper way to explain yourself is to openly say to the "friend" or anyone who asks that u r trans. Meaning u feel like a woman in a man's body. Then, ask if they have any questions.

    I am a CD, not a trans. I would be very uncomfortable in the situation u describe at Ren Fair. As such, I don't ever go out dressed to vanilla venues like malls, stores, day time restaurants, etc., or anywhere near the town where I live!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    If she continues to make and issue of it I would just tell her that you like to dress up as a woman and Ren Faire and Halloween are fun opportunities to do so.

    What else can you do? Like they say, "You can not put the cat back into the the bag!" The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal she will make of it.

    Also you can be pretty sure she has spread the word. She sounds like the type to go straight home and start calling people. Be prepared for someone you both know to walk up and ask you about it. "Hey, Bill, I heard you were wearing a dress at Ren Faire the other day!"

    Obviously you are out, (Plus you can not work at a woman's clothing store for ever and not run into someone you know.), but keep in mind you have our wife and her sister on your side. It could be much worse.

    I kind of laugh when I here about people getting "outed", even when they are far from home. Keep it up and it will happens some day.

    Years ago I was vacationing with my wife and daughter. (I was not dressed!) We were 300 miles away and took a wrong turn and we ending up on some industrial area along the Mississippi river. It looked interesting and beings it was Sunday afternoon the place was deserted. We got out of the car and walked the docks and looked at tug boats and all kinds of equipment related to river barges and boats. We walked around a corner of a building and there was a good friend with his family. We talked a bit and we both could not get over that we all ended up there the same way on the same day. They also took a wrong turn, found the place interesting and decided to snoop.

  4. #4
    Stephanie Lake StephanieLake's Avatar
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    I haven't gone out fully dressed, yet. I will probably never wear a wig or forms, and most likely no make up, as I have no desire to "pass". I imagine at some point this may happen, no matter how far away from home I am. I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law. I guess I'll have to start thinking about my response. If it's a female and she's in pants, I think my first impulse would be to say, "Why are you not wearing a dress?" Heck, that might even be a good response to a male that asks. LOL

  5. #5
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Billie, Unfortunately there are jerks all around us at any given moment, the fact that she surprised you with her negative attitude, well now you know.
    I think your thought on act like it is normal and let the chips land where they may is the way to go.
    Nice on getting to go to the Ren Faire the way you want.
    Crissy

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I think I would put them on my list of Ex-friends. That is the main reason I try to keep my two lives separate so as to not have to deal with that kind of situation.

    Sandi

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Um, it's unfortunate that you were subjected to that kind of ignorance. Some people are just ignorant. I wouldn't expect to run into too many open-minded personal pronoun-minding coastal elites at a Ren Fair, so there's that, as well. I'm sure you looked fantastic and many of us will be eternally envious that you could do that in the company of the Mrs. Count your blessings.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    "Excuse me, could you say that a bit louder?" "There's someone in the next state who didn't hear you!" "If you want to know something then we can sit down over coffee and I'll answer your questions but please don't try to embarrass me in public". Attack can often be the best defence.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  9. #9
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I do like Helen's suggestion. I might have asked her why she felt it necessary to broadcast your situation. I might have also asked if she were so narrow minded that you wearing a dress was a problem for her. Your neighbor is a jerk.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  10. #10
    Member TAG's Avatar
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    Helen's suggestion would have been the way I would have handled it.

  11. #11
    Platinum Member
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    Seems like the chips will be falling any time that particular person is around. Best bet is to hold your head up high and let her continue to make an ass of herself.

  12. #12
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Billie, I like your line "Why are you wearing a dress yourself?". But then why the boobs. Many of us (including myself at times) tend to tell people that it's "just for the clothes". But anyone wearing boobs wig forms (I do) knows it's a bit more than that. And anyone who once tried to explain that little extra to someone who isn't concerned knows what an extraordinary challenge it can be.
    This person was obviously embarrassed by you wearing a dress. You are rocking her world upside down and she is trying to take control back. Her way seems to take the world as her witness, someone explains this to me, someone tells me I'm not the only one thinking this is odd, etc. She's not mean. She just doesn't know how to react with this alien who just landed on her doormat.
    Congrats on owning it, the more people see people like us, the less they will notice.

    -- EDIT --
    Regarding a previous post. Ignorance is not people's fault. If you had the chance to be raised to be a curious and open mind, congrats, but it probably has more to do with a favorable environment as a child than your natural talents. Not everyone gets that chance. If you consider yourself enlightened, then you should probably try to give back by gently (and respectfully) educating people about these matters.
    Last edited by DianeT; 04-12-2022 at 06:14 AM.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Billie, I have often wondered what I would say if I ran into someone. I think I'd just I have always have crossdressed and I always will. That I enjoy it and that the only people it hurts are small minded bigots.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    If you are working in a retail store as a woman and walking around town as a woman, you have to "own" it. People may be insensitive or even rude. It's a shame, but it's reality.

    How to handle it depends on the situation. Being confrontational will not help. Try ignoring them or changing the subject. Or move away from them.
    Krisi

  15. #15
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    When I was outted recently ago, I just said that I lost a bet. The bet being my wife shaved her head or I wear a dress and bra for the day! No one said a word

  16. #16
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    It's difficult to get into an intelligent conversation with someone who is ignorant. Given the current political climate more people are becoming emboldened to act without any sense of decorum. She probably mouthed off because she knows you. I doubt she would have engaged you, if she did not know you because she would not know how you would respond.

    If you're working as a woman at Torrid and presumably openly walking in your community, you know there is smirking going on behind your back. You're just going to have to suck it up and not engage with any strangers. I do not think people like her would sit down and have a conversation with you as they are usually set in their ignorant ways.

    On a personal note once I had someone make a totally ignorant vulgar comment to me while standing in a line to see a movie. I was taken so off guard that I was unable to even speak. My wife, who was with me grabbed my right wrist because she sensed it was starting to come forward to smash into the person's face.

  17. #17
    Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    "Why are you wearing a dress?" "Why aren't you?"

    I think that's the best answer. Regardless of the sex of the person asking.

    My wife will reach up under my miniskirt sometimes, I then tell her "I think all guys who DON'T wear skirts are gay"

  18. #18
    Member Billie's Avatar
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    Thanks.

    Not really concerned about her or if we run into her again. She was at the end of a thread holding her as we've grown apart and beyond the comments about my dress, there were other things that my wife was put off by. She just brought out how not "woke" she really is. I think that is what really caught me and my wife off-guard. I guess people are people and don't always respond like we think they will.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Most other friends you are likely to meet would probably compliment you and be impressed at your appearance.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    First this is not a friend. It may be someone you know.

    I don't know what the proper response would be? I would probably say something very inappropriate.

    My friends expect me to wear a dress.

    I wear a dress because it makes me happy. It's as simple as that.

  21. #21
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    Your neighbor sounds like an a$$hole.

    You be you- you're awesome

  22. #22
    Senior Member Linda K.'s Avatar
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    I have a question. Do you consider her someone that is like a "friend?" I mean a friend accepts you for who you are and doesn't try to demean you in public just because we are not like other people. With the understanding you described in the situation, I think I would classify her as an acquaintance, just someone you know. That interaction clearly demonstrates the level of friendship she considers with you and your family, so the level of intimate details about yourself that you reveal to her should be limited. She has proved she cannot be trusted at the friend level.

    So here is the question you have to answer for yourself. Who really has the problem here? Clearly it isn't you, you aren't trying to hide anything, but you don't need to make announcements about it everywhere you go. It sounds to me like she has some major issues that she needs to figure out for herself, and if you really want to continue being "friends" with her, then you should have a sit down and discuss it with her. Let her know how that evening's events made you feel and what your expectations are from her, you shouldn't be put on the spot like that. If she cannot deal with it, I think, it is time for her to move on.

    Why do I say that? What if she confided in you that she had, God forbid, breast cancer and she didn't want you telling anyone? Her expectations from you would for you to not to keep making public announcements about it everywhere you went together. There is a level of discretion and maturity that comes with friendships and that respect should be shown by both people. In my opinion, if someone cannot give me respect at that level, they won't be considered a friend!
    Last edited by Linda K.; 04-19-2022 at 09:40 AM.

  23. #23
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    Look her dead in the eye and say "Knock it off!" In your I’m-the-boss voice.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

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