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Thread: Girlfriend dilemma... PLEASE HELP!!!

  1. #1
    Junior Member Jessifox85's Avatar
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    Girlfriend dilemma... PLEASE HELP!!!

    It feels good to be back to such a great site again! So I'll cut to the chase. I stepped away from crossdressing a while ago and it was of my own choice. Met a girl and let it go right? Fast forward to 8 months ago and the relationship falls apart and I reconnected with a new girl from my not so distant past. ( never dated but knew each other for about 2 years prior.) We started dating.and everything has been great. Till yesterday.. she asked me if I was into crossdressing. In which I kind of brushed off but she said she should tell the answer is yes. Later in the evening she asked me to tell her a secret. So my question is do I tell her? If so what do I say? I desperately miss CDing, but I don't wanna mess up a good thing. And even if I do say anything it doesn't mean I would get to anyways. I'm rambling so I'll shorten it up, should I tell or not? I've never told a single soul before. And if I do how should I plan for the onslaught of questions? I should add I enjoy the feminine figure. ( and in the breast and buttocks) the most. Then the clothing. It is sexual in a manner in a way in my head but not that I'm looking to approach my partner in any sexual manner with my crossdressing. Thankyou so much for help and advice on this I'm very lost here.

  2. #2
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    Only you can know your own situation. It's hard to give advice. There's factors that play in here. Will she tell your friends? Family? Co-workers? Can you expect she'll keep the secret?

    Even so, if you expect to have a full relationship with this person that might even lead to marriage, then telling her is the absolutely right thing to do. Do you really want to go down that path WITHOUT telling her? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living in secrecy? Many women, on finding out about their partners being crossdressers, are more mad about the dishonesty in not having been told than they are in the crossdressing itself. I'd recommend telling her as soon as you can.

  3. #3
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    Yeah I don't feel I can give advice.
    For me, the first time I kept it a secret - used to dress at the office. The second time - the first ended in divorce I made up my mind that if she couldn't accept me as is then it wasn't going to work. I'm so happy I did.
    Good luck with your decision.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Jessifox85's Avatar
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    That's kind of what I need to hear. I've kept this secret almost 30 years. I have to decide if now is the time. I feel like this girl is special but I don't know for sure how she'll react or if it will remain in secrecy. But I do trust her if that means anything these days. But might gut says two things. One, She knows something I don't, as in she's found something or seen something. She is the investigative type. And two, I'm terrified at the thought of saying something to anyone. so I'd rather brush it off and move on. But I will say one last thing if there's anything I do know it's I believe her when she tells me she loves everything about me good and bad. So I think she'd understand at least a little.

  5. #5
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessifox85 View Post
    That's kind of what I need to hear. I've kept this secret almost 30 years. I have to decide if now is the time. I feel like this girl is special but I don't know for sure how she'll react or if it will remain in secrecy. But I do trust her if that means anything these days.
    It does NOT matter how she would react.
    Only thing is she someone you see as a serious relationship.
    If you do then you need to be real.
    If you think your relationship is serious be upfront.
    Anything but that will be much worse down the line.
    You can read here all the ones that were AFRAID to be real to sort this out with a partner and hide it and how it is an uphill battle regaining trust .
    So my answer if it is a serious relationship/ most definitely yes.
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  6. #6
    Member Jane P's Avatar
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    You said that she is asking you if you cd , I must assume that she has her reasons to ask this and I can only suggest that you be honest with her. To lie at this point is useless (she?s either interested or not)

    Good luck with everything!

  7. #7
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    I agree with what DI says. If you feel this is turning into a serious relationship, then YES be upfront about it. Let her ask her questions whatever they maybe. And you answer honestly. If she backs away then she is not the girl for you. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you cant be you too? There are plenty of women out there that are ok with it and enjoy and participate with it.. So she asked, maybe she has a idea you do, Or MAYBE she is into it and hope you are to.. The only way to know is to communicate. Once you start the dialog about it with her you will probably find out that the "onslaught" of questions really are not that bad. And you might actually feel a sigh of relief for getting it of your chest.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
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    Agree with the PP's that its time to be open. She already knows something of your CD'ing. Be honest and open now. It may save you a lot of anguish later.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  9. #9
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    There must be a reason she asked if you were into CDing. That is not a typical question that crosses most GG's minds unless they know someone who is into CDing. Did she know of your interest in CDing or have some idea from your prior relationship with her?

    So, as others have said, if you plan to go ahead further with this relationship, tell her the truth. It sounds like maybe she knows more about you than you think she does.

    It's not a good idea to begin a new or renewed relationship with an outright lie.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    She appears to already know the answer to her question. Welcome the onslaught of questions. If you know the answers, speak truthfully. If there are some things you are unsure about, just say so. That will do more to cement the relationship than trying to avoid answering the questions you know she has.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    As others have said, there's a reason she asked. Don't start your relationship out based on a lie. Tell her the truth and then ask if that's a problem for her. If it is, move on and be thankful you didn't spend a lot of time and effort nurturing a relationship that was likely to fail at some future time. If it isn't a problem for her, cherish her.
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  12. #12
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Maybe you could test the waters. She brought up the subject of cross dressing -- go with that and ask if she has a problem with it, or what she thinks about it in general.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Go for full disclosure. You have the opening, and if she does not have a problem with it, you get to live a truthful life. If she does, you still get to live a truthful life. My hopes for the former for both of you.

  14. #14
    Avatar is FaceAp enhanced Mary Loo's Avatar
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    Everyone has already provided you consensus. You need to answer truly. You didn’t tell us how she asked you, but my guess was maybe with a bit of a wry smile or smirk, aka, she will possibly be very understanding and on possibly into it. The suspicion is she already learned the truth somehow. If however she asked you in a derogatory or demeaning way, you should still come clean and be similar to many of us here and either learn to compromise OR truly be prepared to give up dressing. Regardless of the fact that the rewards outweigh the risks, it is usually best to be truthful.

    We all will be anxious to hear the result.

  15. #15
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    She knows, lol. Just tell her. Act casual, even flippant. Don't act like it's some dark, creepy secret and set the wrong tone.

  16. #16
    Member Sandra_Dodds's Avatar
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    Are you into crossdressing is a very unusual question and I can only think of two explanations. The first is that she has either heard from someone that you do or has her suspicions based on something you have said or done. Alternatively...and this is every CDers dream; you have found someone who is into seeing her man wearing female attire and she is testing your willingness to participate. Only you can decide which one it is and whether to share your story.
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  17. #17
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    In your own words - I desperately miss CD?ing. Obviously it is important to you, so it makes sense to disclose your desire to dress before BOTH of you invest a lot into the relationship. Worse case maybe you crash and burn, but better now than later. You might get lucky and have a keeper.

    For those of us who did not know we wanted to dress up until after we got married, we never knew to bring it up beforehand. You know beforehand so it will only get more difficult the longer you wait.

    Sandi

  18. #18
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Tell her!

  19. #19
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Jessi, if we go by the Ask-a-GG section recommendations, and like many have advised above, you should tell her when things become serious between you and you both start committing to a long term relationship. Before that, your choice.

  20. #20
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm a CD. I only tell people on a "need to know" basis!

    If you're:
    Planning to come out, getting engaged, or moving in together? TELL HER!

    If u can wait? Wait! I lost a female friend I had for 40 years after telling her!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  21. #21
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    My thoughts are:
    If you're:
    Planning to come out, getting serious, or moving in together? TELL HER!

    careul though , I have also lost a bunch of GF's when I came out to soon.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    She knows. As she knows it hasn't stopped her walking away from the relationship. This may well be the golden opportunity so so many dream of. A supportive other and the chance to dress.

    You might like to turn it around though. "You asked about crossdressing, why?"

  23. #23
    Junior Member Jessifox85's Avatar
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    Update. I've told her. Last night in bed I broke it to her slowly and she took it very well it seems. I'm sure she has some processing to do. But she even let me put something on to show her. So I think she understands better than I could expect. She says she's known for about 4 months. She saw a picture on my phone that had her wondering. But it's still a great feeling to get this off my chest.. both silicone and hairy. It's something I've held inside for 30 years.

  24. #24
    Junior Member Crystal120's Avatar
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    Nice! Glad everything came out ok and hopefully expands now to greater things. You may be able to dress now as you like and maybe with her help.

  25. #25
    Avatar is FaceAp enhanced Mary Loo's Avatar
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    Great job! So glad to hear confirmation that she already knew. Hopefully she will come to accept it well. Good luck both in the CD category as well as your relationship. Thanks for the update.

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