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Thread: Girlfriend dilemma... PLEASE HELP!!!

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    It's good that you told her. I feel that such a specific question deserves a specific and honest answer. Good luck with your relationship!

  2. #27
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Jessi, I'm glad that you told your GF. and it came out well. I did not want to say come out or not to you from your original post, as I would not want to feel responsible for a negative outcome.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  3. #28
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Jessi - spectacular news! Of course it will take a bit to process for her, but if you don't try to move too fast I think it looks like it is going to be fine. All is in the open, and you are both free to develop your relationship with honesty. It's got to feel great!

  4. #29
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
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    Happy to hear that it seems to be working out! Now comes the even harder part - don't let it take over your relationship. Let her take the info as it comes up. She will have questions as she thinks more about it. Encourage her to ask questions and answer them honestly. Also, do something nice for her. Show her how you appreciate her acceptance. Maybe a special little gift. Or a hand written note.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  5. #30
    Junior Member dan.dan's Avatar
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    I have read many stories of thier wives/girlfriends accepting, only to no longer accept. It does not end well. With that scenario, I'm not sure how to fix that, just be aware that it could turn on you at some point.

  6. #31
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    I'm glad you told her, now you can move forward to see where this relationship will go, wishing both of you the best of luck.
    Jill

  7. #32
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    She already knows, to me it sounds Iike she's asking you to be honest with her. IMHO

  8. #33
    Platinum Member
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    If I was in your predicament I would ask her why she thinks I am a cross dresser. There must have been some clue to make that assumption. Then, I would ask her if it would matter to her. If I were to confirm her suspicions I'd tell her my cross dressing is a private affair. I know there is always the peril of being led on, and, then have everything blow up in your face. If you expect to have a serious relationship with her, then I think both of you need to up upfront.

  9. #34
    Member Marissa Q's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dan.dan View Post
    I have read many stories of thier wives/girlfriends accepting, only to no longer accept. It does not end well. With that scenario, I'm not sure how to fix that, just be aware that it could turn on you at some point.
    Plenty of good advice in this thread, but I hope the above bit isn't ignored. There are plenty of spouses (male spouses as well) who accept at first, but subconsciously believe they'll be able to -- at some point -- "fix" what in their minds is "the problem". Too often, the acceptance is temporary and statically connected to the idea that the CD'ing won't go any further (when we all know it does). Stay on the alert and don't let your own confirmation bias take over when it comes to acceptance; we all tend to hear only what we want to hear and it's downhill from there once all objectivity is lost.
    Last edited by Marissa Q; 04-12-2022 at 12:01 PM.

  10. #35
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Good that you told the truth, because she already knew the truth.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    I would not deny it. You wouldn't want to start your relationship with a lie. That would bring up a major trust issue if she ever did find out the truth. As most of us here will attest to, this is something that we just can't stop doing forever. We may dig a hole and bury it or lock the closet door for a while, but it will come back and usually with a real vengeance. Since she brought it up, it doesn't seem that it would be a deal breaker in your relationship, otherwise she would have ghosted you when she suspected. Who knows, maybe she would be supportive and participating. You could end up with a relationship with your SO that many of us only dream about.

    Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck, and please keep us updated on the outcome.

  12. #37
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Take a deep breath, step back, and do a reality check.

    You are a crossdresser, and so are we. You're far from being alone in this and it is 2022. We may appear "odd" to some people, but most are aware that we exist and won't head for the hills in shock while clutching their pearls when hearing this. As for the "haters"...well, "haters gonna hate" as the saying goes, so pay them no mind.

    If you're new in this relationship and your recent girlfriend has no axe to grind (yet?), why would you worry about her "outing" you? If anything, she will probably appreciate being told before getting too deep into your relationship while she still has a chance to back out if she has an issue with your crossdressing.

    I myself am in a DADT relationship with my wife, so it may seem disingenuous of me to give that type of advice. But I've also been married for 50 years and grew up in an era when "transvestites" were seen to occupy a place in society just behind "homosexuals" and slightly ahead of pedophiles on the "Ewwwww...gross" scale. Those prejudices also influenced my wife's world views, and while she has struggled mightily to overcome those in the past years, some old habits and attitudes die hard.

    Being a member of the younger generation you no longer face those same challenges, so just tell your girlfriend with no hint of shame on your part because you shouldn't feel any. Just do it at a time and place where you have her undivided attention, she is in a receptive mood, and be prepared to answer all of her questions honestly and in a forthright manner...the first two most likely being "Are you gay?" and "Do you actually want to become a woman"?

  13. #38
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I hope that works out for u. My old girlfriend of 40 years said she was fine with my dressing, too.

    Then, a year later she said she was SO SICK of hearing about and seeing pics of Sherry, she wanted to break off contact with me. That was about 10 years ago and we haven't been in contact since.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #39
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Jessi, any idea where she got the idea that you might be a CD'er?

    Ok, I missed the picture on the phone!
    Last edited by Pumped; 04-13-2022 at 09:03 AM.

  15. #40
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    Now that she knows, take it slow. Don't hurdle into the Pink Fog. She may love it, or she may just accept it if she gets her guy-time, etc. In the oft chance that you have more inside you - you may decide you are TS, you may decide you want to dress during intimacy, or even decide you want to expand your sexual experiences, etc. Perhaps, she would accept these. But, if you railroad it all at once, she may get overwhelmed. So, no matter what your needs are, remain compassionate to her needs. Hopefully, they'll be the same thing.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    If the relationship is based on your partner not knowing something about you that is this important, it's already "messed up". If you are serious about the relationship, have "the talk".
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  17. #42
    Senior Member Adelaide's Avatar
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    OK. Now that she knows and that she told you where she got the idea that you were a CD, WHAT'S NEXT? Is she OK with it? Her reaction will dictate the future of your relationship.....She needs to fully understand and appreciate you for who you really are.... If she can't, then you know what to do.....

  18. #43
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Ok, so she has known for 4 months. Not just suspected, but has seen the picture. So now how to proceed. Best advice is to let her choose the path forward. If, when, what and how often. If the relationship held together for those 4 months after her discovery, its possible that things could work out for the long run. But take nothing for granted.

  19. #44
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    As Char GG said. Women do not ask questions like that unless they already know the answer. Remember to put her first in your life and CDing should be in the background. Allow things to move slow at her leading. It will be wonderful to have a soul mate that loves you for what you are. Di had a relationship like that and gave good advice.

  20. #45
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    I am glad you opened up about it. Its sound as if she had a very similar reaction as mine did, and its positive. Also let her know that its ok to tell you if you are doing something that is too much or over her boundaries. She has to know that you are open to HER feelings, opinions, and comfort zone too. As exciting as this sounds and as new as it is for you, Don't dress everyday even though you will want to, remember to also be the person she was attracted to in the first place. Just don't overwhelm the situation... Good Luck, I'm happy for you, as always keep us posted!

  21. #46
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I would say to let her think on this for a while. The jury is still out on this.

    Women can take months to process this.

    Do not push.

  22. #47
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    Congrats Jessifox! She probably appreciates your honesty, given that she already knew.

  23. #48
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    So glad you told her. Wouldn't you have hated being caught in an obvious lie when she already knew the truth? The fact she was willing to let you show her is really quite impressive. Good luck going forward.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  24. #49
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    For members still asking how she knew or advising about telling/not telling, you may be interested to know that Jessi has already responded to these questions in his third post.

  25. #50
    Junior Member Jessifox85's Avatar
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    Yes I have told her. And it did go very well. She is very supportive and does have a lot of questions. Personally I've decided to take the long approach to this I don't want to rush her into it. Deep down I would like this to bloom into her being involved somehow but if not I'm okay with that. Thankyou all so much for such great advice and the encouragement more than anything!

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