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Thread: Are closet Cross Dressers Less Sociable. Nature or Nurture?

  1. #1
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Are closet Cross Dressers Less Sociable. Nature or Nurture?

    Something I just read in another thread got me thinking. Are those of us that choose to remain in the closet, naturally less sociable. I was brought up in the city. As a teen I loved clubbing and especial dancing. But I also loved to dress and never felt able to combine the two, as I could never pass. At 19 I joined the RN. I could never, at that time, share my true self with my ship mates and by 21 I was T total and thereafter kept my self to my self. Spending most of my evening on my section, sat at my computer coding, rather than down the mess. I got on fine with all on board I just seldom chose to socialize with them. Time ashore was mostly spent exploring the nearest hills to the allotted port a love I retain. When I could I would dress but opportunities were few. Time at home I still enjoyed clubbing with my wife. But I was never one to go to the pub with the lads. I just found that a total bore. Often I thought how nice it would be to just go out and be one of the girls. I have never found an opportunity to live that evening. My relationship with my wife, rules out that I pursue it. So it will remain an is the grass greener question.

    So back to the question. Am I / are you less sociable because of crossdressing or do you think your level of social interactivity would have been the same regardless. For me I think it has made a considerable difference.
    Last edited by Jane G; 04-14-2022 at 09:25 AM.

  2. #2
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    Crossdressing and transgenderism has been linked with autism in recent studies.

    Autism is linked with social skill deficiencies.

    Correlation/causation are not the same thing of course, but it's interesting.

    I'm on the high functioning autism side, and also transgender.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    We are all individuals. What a cross-dresser calls going out, a TS might call just doing life. Likewise, crossdressers who enjoy going out en femme, may do so for different reasons. Some relish the adrenaline rush. Some enjoy the affirmation, however brief. Those that prefer to remain closeted do so for a similar variety of reasons.
    As for me (not a CD), I can only say that I have never enjoyed "clubbing" is it's own diversion. Don't get me wrong. I love loud music as much as the next girl, but I tend to prefer picking my own genre or play list.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I am far more sociable when dressed up. It is like night and day. Of course it has taken about 5 years of going out to get to where I am now. I had to get over the fear of going out first. Once past the fear, I forced myself to go outside of my comfort zone by talking to people. Eventually, socializing became my comfort zone, and now I seek out others every time I go out. I feel like it is an ongoing learning experience. I just wish I had the confidence I have now when I was younger. I missed out on a lot because of my shyness, and maybe that is a need that my dressing has allowed me to fulfill.

    Strange but true.

    Sandi

  5. #5
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    When I am home dressed I do get lonely.
    I step out shopping once in a while and I feel great.

  6. #6
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Great to read that Sandi. I do sometimes wish I could mix with other women and CD's dressed and what I am missing out on. Our relationship means I may never get to enjoy that. Though I enjoy so much where I am, I do sometimes long to know what it would be like to live and be excepted wholly or in kind, as female.

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    I feel I have become a little more open and social in general through life since I have been open with my dressing with my wife. I think it has to do with the stress of hiding who you are.

  8. #8
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    I believe, in myself, that there is little stress where I am with crossdressing and life in general, so must disagree with that. Perhaps there are to many positives, out side of cross dressing, for me to realise what others have.
    Last edited by Jane G; 04-14-2022 at 11:57 AM.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CharlotteCD View Post
    Crossdressing and transgenderism has been linked with autism in recent studies.
    Hi Charlotte, linked how? Any links to the studies you are alluding to?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jane G View Post
    Are those of us that choose to remain in the closet, naturally less sociable.
    Like Aunt Kelly said, as many reasons as individuals. I'm not much inclined to share my dressing with others. Ok to speak about it, but not show or seek advice for my presentation etc. So going out dressed would probably be a thrill, but it's not the kind of thrill I'm looking for. I am very sociable by nature, I love to meet and discuss with people. But my secret place is my secret place.
    Side note, it's not clear to me if you are asking whether people are in the closet because they aren't sociable, or if they aren't sociable because they are in the closet.

  10. #10
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    At a time back when things were hidden, I was quite. There was so much I did I couldn't talk about. Great times with friends I couldn't tell anyone who wasn't in the loop.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandi Beech View Post
    I missed out on a lot because of my shyness, and maybe that is a need that my dressing has allowed me to fulfill.Sandi
    Absolutely true for me as well. - it's as if crossdressing fills my experiential gap. If I had crossdressed as a young person, the story of my life would have been much different. I'm glad where I ended up, but there are a lot of memories I wish I had.

  12. #12
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=DianeT;4578831]Hi Charlotte, linked how? Any links to the studies you are alluding to? [QUOTE]

    After being diagnosed with having Asperger's syndrome, high functioning end of the Autism spectrum, I have read several articles on the internet about the correlation between Autism and gender dysphoria. If you are interested just go looking, try starting with Asperger's and crossdressing. Then try Autism and transgenderism. As the expression goes, "seek and you will find"!
    Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 04-14-2022 at 02:49 PM. Reason: grammer
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  13. #13
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I have never been highly sociable, mostly a rural homebody. I do have another hobby I enjoy, probably even more than this 'peculiar pastime,' in which I am very sociable within that circle. I would like to find a reasonable way to socialize with other CD'ers (beyond this site), but I'm still unsuccessfully working on it.

    Interesting phrase "choose to be closeted." In my case it is a closet within a closet within a closet. Suppose I were to come out of the household closet and it went well, I would still be in the outside family and friends closet, and then the workplace closet. I firmly believe that if I came out of the closet with the spouse it would mean the end of my limited cross-dressing. The most likely long term plan would be giving it up altogether.

  14. #14
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geena75 View Post
    I have never been highly sociable, mostly a rural homebody. I do have another hobby I enjoy, probably even more than this 'peculiar pastime,' in which I am very sociable within that circle. I would like to find a reasonable way to socialize with other CD'ers (beyond this site), but I'm still unsuccessfully working on it.

    Interesting phrase "choose to be closeted." In my case it is a closet within a closet within a closet. Suppose I were to come out of the household closet and it went well, I would still be in the outside family and friends closet, and then the workplace closet. I firmly believe that if I came out of the closet with the spouse it would mean the end of my limited cross-dressing. The most likely long term plan would be giving it up altogether.
    An interesting assumption Geena, though my own thoughts would be , if those closest agree, then others can think what they like. I remain closeted because my wife asks it of me and I respect her wishes. No longer because of the wider world. Though as a younger person there were many reasons to hide, I don't see them as nearly such an obstacle as they once were and would likely be out there, if it were not for my love and belief in her. Funny old world, many things to experience and enjoy and still many compromises to make.
    Last edited by Jane G; 04-14-2022 at 02:50 PM.

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    Junior Member JustJennifer's Avatar
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    I'm not a social butterfly, never have been, and equating sociability with clubbing is going down a path I know I can't follow. When I was much much younger, more foolish, and fairly desperate, I did venture out to some accepting places, but I just didn't fit in. No regrets, and nothing horrible happened (beyond getting ditched) but it just wasn't for me.

    So nowadays I'm in the closet, and though I'd like to get out and about dressed again, I just don't see old Jennifer chatting up strangers less than half her age in a nightclub or bar being part of that experience. I assume my wife wouldn't be too crazy about my doing that either... if only because she's under the impression that the streets of the city are flooded with crazed criminals as soon as the sun sets.

    Still, for all you "more experienced" ladies here who still make the scene, dancing and drinking til the cows come home, you go girl!

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I have found that Steffi is much more extroverted than boy me.

    I have taken the Myers-Briggs test several times with professional analysis. On the MB scale boy me shows up as an introvert; in fact, he pins the scale on introverted. Steffi is much more extroverted. Steffi has gone out en femme for 15 years now, usually with a bunch of trans girls, but sometimes alone or with cis girls. When I'm out with trans girls, I'm in a public space and often meet friendly cis girls. I'm much more fun socially as an extrovert so I've been trying to import Steffi's extroversion into boy me's personality, somewhat successfully, I might add.

    I know that your asking if girls stay in the closet less sociable. My response is that I'm more sociable being out of the closet.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Fear of the unknown, of how relationships with SO's, family and friends could be effected probably has more to do with someone remaining in the closet than their sociability.

    I feel that my social interaction is a bout the same regardless of how I'm dressed.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  18. #18
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    The short answer is no. The issue is where does a cross dressing man go to socialize with others? The only thing I read about on this forum is clubbing. I find drinking and clubbing to be totally boring. I suspect it is easier for transgender men and women, gays and lesbians, and cross dressers to find social outlets in urban areas. Where else do cross dressing men go to congregate? Basically, show up in a dress in any other place and you're going to be isolated.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I know I am a bit introverted, not as bad as some. I wonder about autism. I took an online test a while back, (probably means nothing!) but it told me I was mildly autistic. I have done some research over the years in regard to autism and firmly believe I have it to a degree.
    Last summer I was visiting with my daughter and she brought it up. Mentioned how he hates being in public, large groups, noisy gatherings, hates interviewing for jobs, and more. I mentioned that I felt l am a bit autistic too and she just looked at me in disbelief. She said to me, "But Dad, you worked in outside sale for years, how could you be autistic?" I went on to tell her how terrible and frightening it was for me. Meeting a new customer I would get so ill I thought I was going to throw up! I would have to sit in my vehicle and talk myself into it. It was tough on me, but the job paid well I wanted to make some money and could not figure any other way to earn what I felt we needed so for years I put myself through hell.

    I remember giving classes to customers and their employees. I would try to get a meeting room where there was a bar so I could loosen up with a couple shots before and keep them coming through the meeting! Never seriously drunk, just a bit buzzed.
    Last edited by Pumped; 04-15-2022 at 09:14 AM.

  20. #20
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I have met many 100's of dressers out at various event. Some of them chat up everyone wherever they r.

    Some r like me, shy with strangers and much more outgoing in small groups I know or one on one. Or, when I'm drinking!

    My experience tells me I'm the same whether I'm dressed or not. And, so r most other dressers!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 04-15-2022 at 05:20 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  21. #21
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    It is a PRIVATE thing I do where I have complete FREEDOM! I do not have to worry about being laughed at or making "mistakes" or to conform to the rules or styles of others.---- I am "Sociable enough" in fields of OTHER endeavors. I just prefer to keep my CDing private.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gillian Gigs View Post
    After being diagnosed with having Asperger's syndrome, high functioning end of the Autism spectrum, I have read several articles on the internet about the correlation between Autism and gender dysphoria. If you are interested just go looking, try starting with Asperger's and crossdressing. Then try Autism and transgenderism. As the expression goes, "seek and you will find"!
    Thanks Gillian. You can find studies linking the two indeed for a fraction of the population. But the way Charlotte expressed it I wondered if it meant TG = autist (not SOME TG are autist). Trying to disambiguate this.

  23. #23
    Member Mary Loo's Avatar
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    I would say there is no correlation, but I understand the hypothesis. For me it is more about age (not necessarily maturity per se). Meaning as I have aged and become more comfortable with my (male ) self, I have become more social and comfortable in social situations. Not true when I was young.

    However, to reinforce your theory a little, Mary is technically very young (to me) and consequently very shy/closeted. However, I am also closeted for many other defensive reasons and I am pretty confident my wife wouldn’t approve either.

  24. #24
    Once upon a time... Veronica Lacey's Avatar
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    Hi Jane...

    In my youth I enjoyed personal private time as much as meeting up with friends. As life moved forward and friends moved away and such I did not often seek out replacement social activities. I also found that if I wanted to dress then at home I would need to remain. My wife - being a social person - goes out a bit here and there so I stay home to do my thing rather than seek out time with friends.

    So I believe that I would have grown into a comfortable introvert-like life regardless of dressing but cannot deny that my desire for time dressing has limited my desires for social interaction. Not set in stone but that's where it's at.

  25. #25
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    I agree with Marina. I am a private person that enjoys socialising, in a non CD way. CD is my private pleasure. It would be nice to share it with someone. But realistically outside the forum it is very unlikely to happen.

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