Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 30

Thread: Let's share our life's story here is mine

  1. #1
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,089

    Let's share our life's story here is mine

    Anyone who is transgender knows many a night is spent laying awake at 3 AM wondering, imagining and wool-gathering over our mysterious puzzle.

    A few nights ago, I found myself tracing the progression and struggle of Paula from an early age to now.

    Some transgender persons come to the realization later in life. For me, I always wanted to be a girl. As soon as I knew the difference, I wanted to be over there.

    I remember the first day of kindergarten, the boys and girls were separated into two lines with the girls all in pretty dresses and shoes. I was so envious.

    Those early memories continued and at 6 or 7, I remember going to a Halloween party where there was a girl in a beautiful party dress.

    I asked, ?What?s your costume??

    ?I am a girl,? the little boy replied. Stunned at the realization that this was a boy, I could not take my eyes off him as he ran around the room that night in a pink dress with crinolines, tights and Mary Janes.

    Perhaps if I couldn?t be a girl, I could at least dress like one.

    Next came the start of crossdressing and a more intense desire to be a girl.

    During my first Holy Communion, the church was filled with 1st grade boys and girls ? the boys in white suit jackets and the girls in beautiful white satin and lace dresses with veils. I was captivated and a few weeks later, I found my sister?s communion dress and tried it on. It became a favorite until I outgrew it.

    I remember sitting in Mrs. Carlson?s 2nd grade classroom and wondering what it felt like to wear the tights that most girls wore. I started raiding my sister?s and mother?s closets trying on tights and any other dress or skirt I could find that fit. When I think back, this wasn?t something I did on occasion ? I did this two or three times a week. This continued and by the time I was 11 years old, I had graduated to lingerie, pantyhose, high heels and make-up.

    Through middle school and high school, I continued to crossdress on a very regular basis. After school from 3:15 to 5:00, it was all-clear to play girl to my heart?s content. I would often try to mimic styles and fashions that I had seen during the week in school. I became an expert putting things back the way I found them. However, as a parent myself now, I think they must have known.

    During high school, I would read anything I could find written about ?sex changes.? In a garage sale, I found an autobiography of Christine Jorgensen that I read in secret. I would scan newspapers and magazines for mentions of crossdressers or transsexuals. At 15 or 16, when others were making career plans, I was taking a sex change into account. Everything I read told me that surgery would cost several thousand dollars.

    The Air Force solved many problems for me. It got me out of the house and gave me a chance to save enough money for a sex change. Yes, no kidding, that was my thought process at that age. That?s why I?ve written that in today?s environment, transition would have been a certainty.

    So off I flew into the wild blue yonder. Basic training was difficult not because I was transgender but because I was na?ve and lazy. Then off to technical school in Biloxi, Mississippi. Then to Germany, with a follow-on tour to Andrews Air Force Base. The whole process was good for me as I matured, traveled and gained technical experience.

    These are typically the years when a person?s sexuality matures. I knew I was transgender; however, I was also fearful of being gay because of the hatefulness and disapproval for gay people around me.
    I was captivated by women. A pretty girl would always catch my eye. Thank God, I?m not gay. How could I be when I felt that way about women.

    I made the mistake of confusing admiration and envy, with lust and sexual desire. Here are a few examples of how this manifested itself during the four years I was in the Air Force. There wasn?t any shortage of the guys going out to strip clubs and brothels that surrounded most military bases in Germany. I can remember feeling so uncomfortable for the women in these strip clubs, I wanted to rescue them not lust after them.

    I would accompany my friends to the brothels in Frankfurt and finally, I acquiesced and decided to lose my virginity one night. I was trying to prove something. I remember the beautiful young woman very well and once inside I could not do it. I gave her extra money to wait out my time and then make a great show of it to my friends waiting outside.

    I was very good at making friends with and talking with women, but I would never close the deal so to speak. This happened all the time, talking, flirting, nothing. I never would make a move, ask her out, hold her hand or kiss her. Looking back now, I believe it was due to my instinct as a female deep down inside. I just didn?t get the male-female mating ritual. I wasn?t programed like the other guys.
    I could list several examples, but for sake of brevity let me tell one. I worked in a communications control center and on days off, I would head to Shenandoah National Park where I would camp and hike. I worked with Rita, a girl from upstate New York who also loved the outdoors. We hit it off well and talked about camping, hiking and kayaking in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

    I missed all the clues that she was sending because I was surprised to see her ride up to the campsite on her motorcycle. Long story short, dinner, a few beers by the campfire and lights out in the tent with her on one side and me, the gentlemen on the other. This is how oblivious I was! It never dawned on me she was there to hook up. A few months later, she asked why I hadn?t done anything that night. My answer ?I dunno? and I really didn?t know.

    Just before I got out of the Air Force, I had this bizarre affair with a lesbian who I worked with. She and I were heavy drinkers and partiers at the time and would often wind up in bed. Nothing ever happened, but I had a big-time crush on her. We would sleep together several nights a week and yes, just sleep. I realize now she was using me as cover ? back then, if you were gay you were out of the military and they actively looked for and prosecuted gay persons.

    Now it?s 1981 and I?m back home in New Jersey. I find a job at a computer company. My first paycheck comes. I cash it and go to the Willow Brook mall and buy a dress, shoes, hosiery and lingerie. All too small, so I purged.

    My life began to revolve around work, drinking and hunting with my redneck buddies. I hardly even thought about being a girl. At work, I met my future wife. We talk, flirt and again nothing. We talk, we flirt and she calls me. Boom ? we are off and running. She lets me wear her bra one night and she even buys me some lingerie ? WOW!

    This is perfect. I?m in love. We marry and off we go. However, what I thought was approval turned out to be tepid toleration. For a number of years, we would go forward and then backward. A few months of encouragement would then be met with resentment

    Just to emphasize how strong my dysphoria was, I remember the morning of my wedding, being a bit melancholy, thinking well this means I?ll never be a woman.

    A wonderful marriage, family, career, home, it was all there except for this one little problem of gender dysphoria. There were periods where depression would bury me. I kept myself busy with career, home maintenance, church, non-profits, elderly parents and child care.

    Still, as I did when I was 8 years old, I would seek refuge, a few taboo moments of sanctuary dressed as a woman. When keeping busy didn?t work, overeating and drinking were brought in to cloud the ache.

    Isolated, confused, and trans, I would sometimes stop and buy Drag magazine. I would read it hidden away in the back of a New York City deli or sometimes take my lunch on a bench near Trinity Church in the shadow of the twin towers. In relative anonymity, I would enter into a world where there were others like me.

    In the mid 1990?s, along came the Internet and with it, a connection to a community and finally, information and answers. My world began to open up.

    My crossdressing became an unspoken truth in our marriage, seldom directly addressed and sometimes talked about disparagingly. Don?t ask, don?t tell became the model for dealing with the issue. In my late 40?s, I entered a dark period sinking into deep depression along with anxiety attacks.

    When I hit 50, I was overweight, drinking too much and in bad health. Finding an objective and informed person, you can discuss, share and solve your issues, which was a key ingredient in my journey. In my case, this was Dr D. I no longer saw being transgender as a problem to be solved. I wasn?t doing anything wrong. I cast off society?s condemnation of being transgender and realized that I am a good person and that part of my personality and character involves being transgender. Attributes I see missing in many men, such as nurturing, kindness, compassion and cooperation are parts of my personality that I believe come from my feminine side.

    Through the years, I had worked so hard and sacrificed so many things for so many people in my life. Now at 50, the one thing I wanted most, the one thing that had nagged at me since childhood was going to be left unanswered. I could not do it. I could not let it go. I needed to express that woman who I knew lived inside me. I may never transition, but I needed to experience the world as a woman in some way.

    In 2009, I was emerging from the darkness of yet another crossdressing purge. But as any transgender person knows, purging doesn?t work. My need for feminine expression had returned with a vengeance. I had once again accumulated a wardrobe and around this time, I started traveling for business. I started going to M?A?C stores and found acceptance and support.

    Next, I started shopping for clothes while I was in drab and I was surprised to find that the sales associates were enthusiastic and supportive when I told them I was transgender. City after city, I began to accumulate everything I needed.

    Finally, in Memphis after visiting Graceland, I saw it in a strip mall a store named Graceland Wigs. The last piece I needed was a wig. With my new-found confidence, I entered the store and was overwhelmed by hundred of wigs lining the walls. After a few minutes of awkward browsing I came clean with the store owner and was soon sitting in a chair in front of a mirror trying on wigs and telling her my story. She was a bit of a character and after about two hours trying on dozens of wigs, I left the store with advice earned through a lifetime of hardship, an overabundance of amusing anecdotes, guidance on being a woman and a cute pageboy style brunette wig.

    A few weeks later, I would step out of my hotel room in Denver and not look back. For the next eight years, I would travel all over the country and the world and during my free time, I would explore the world as a woman. I would shop, get M?A?C makeovers, meet friends for dinner, attend a transgender conference, visit the doctor, attend concerts and visit museums. I would go out as a woman in the UK, Canada and Australia. It was also during this time I started writing for Femulate. Those were glorious times and I began to feel somewhat fulfilled.

    In 2016, I began having trouble with my back and it became chronic. I began to overeat and drink. The weight came on and the pain grew worse. I stopped dressing. I entered into a dark period with pain and along with it, a sense of despair and hopelessness.

    In 2022, post back surgery, I am now coming back. I am eating healthy and I?m off sugar and junk foods. My back feels great and I started building back my wardrobe. I?m writing again and feel a sense of renewal and hope. Where the next few years lead? Who knows? But Paula will be there.

    That?s my story ? the evolution of a human who is transgender. How I dealt with it and how I continue to deal with it.
    Last edited by Di; 04-19-2022 at 08:55 AM. Reason: Your pictures are already in your link

  2. #2
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,606
    Thanks for sharing your story, Paula! Much of your story sounds familiar! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  3. #3
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,089
    Let's everyone share, I'd love to hear your story

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Robbiegirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    642
    Thanks Paula. It will take me quite awhile to put mine togther.
    Loved the episode with your sisters Communion dress !! I have no memory Of trying one of those on !
    Since you had a sister were you able to fit into lots of her dresses or was she pretty much a tomboy ?
    My favorites growing up were my sisters Party dresses and thier cute tennis dresses that came with panties with ruffles on the butt ! What were yours ?
    So your sister and mother never caught you or susoected ?

  5. #5
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    So detailed, well written, and I believe, quite inspirational, Paula! Thank u for posting it!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,089
    Oh yes party dresses, the pink ones especially. She was a bit older than I and I was able to wear all sorts of her clothes as she grew out of them and they were just put into the closet.

    My Mom caught a few times and told me to stop, she knew and just ignored me to a certain extent, threatened to tell Dad etc.

    When I got into my teens she got upset at me going into her clothes, she then started storing her old clothes in my closet in my room.

    Thinking back now I am guessing she just wanted me to have my own stuff and leave her stuff alone.

    Too bad things were so forbidden and taboo back then, if only I had supportive parents

  7. #7
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Location
    Coastal SC
    Posts
    1,657
    I appreciate being able to read your story. By comparison my entry into this world is boring and quite simple.

    From about ages 12 - 15, I would take advantage of the times I was home alone and could try on my mother's lingerie. I enjoyed putting on her bras, girdles, stockings. I pretty well stopped putting on her lingerie at age 16 when I started dating 1 girl on a regular basis. I was married at age 20 (not the girl I had dated regularly in high school). We were married a very short time when I enlisted in the Navy (better than responding to my draft notice in the fall of 1965). After I got out of the military, we started our family. On somewhat rare occasions I would try on my wife's pantyhose when she wasn't around. I was always instantly aroused when I had her pantyhose on. I have never really understood that reaction; but, of course I liked it.

    We ultimately divorced after 17 years of marriage. She's a fine woman; but, I simply had no feelings for her whatsoever. I no longer wanted to be married to her. Nobody in my family had ever been divorced with the exception of my younger brother. I had often times wished when she left home that something dreadful would happen to her and I'd never have to see her again. I began hating myself for having such terrible thoughts about another person so I asked for a divorce.

    During the divorce process I met my current wife of 38 years. At various times I would also put on her pantyhose with similar results as before. Anyway, it had been a long time since I had put on her pantyhose when she said the following to me in response to something I was complaining about: "You need to put your big girl panties on and deal with it. They make pretty ones, you know." That was in June, 2020. Those words of hers brought back memories of my childhood when I would sneak wearing my mom's lingerie. It took me about 2 days to go buy a 2 pack of panties. I was immediately in Heaven and knew I needed more. BTW, due to losing my prostate to cancer in 2007, I no longer can have the same physical response to wearing women's lingerie as I did earlier in my life. I often wonder if I have always been a cross dresser at heart but just suppressed the desire AND the thoughts in order to live the macho image men are supposed to live.

    In less than 2 years I have expanded my CDing time and my wardrobe. The most important step was telling my wife in November, 2020, that I had been wearing panties and really enjoyed doing so. She has been accepting with each step I have taken along the way. While she doesn't understand why I CD, she hasn't issued any ultimatums and has said I'm free to do what I want with regard to CDing. She has said she doesn't care to see me with makeup on. When the time is right, I will ask her if I can show her the "complete" me with makeup, wig, and accessories. I hope we can reach that place by the end of this year. If she agrees to let me do that, I suspect I will ask on down the road if she'd accompany me (while en femme) on a shopping trip or just a stroll in the park - both well away from where we live and anyone we know.

    As I said, rather boring; but, that's how I got here.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  8. #8
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Southern US
    Posts
    2,786
    Great thread Paula and thanks for sharing your story.

    I'll have to give it some thought and maybe share mine but it's so boring and I'm not much of a writer.

  9. #9
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    1,171
    Thank you for sharing your story - but I've got to ask: Are you and your wife still together? You didn't say.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    3,854
    Great story, well written. My journey is relatively short compared to yours.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  11. #11
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,089
    Thanks for sharing it's great to hear about everyone's journey and share this unique situation we all seem to have

  12. #12
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2021
    Location
    Merseyside UK
    Posts
    1,573
    Very inspiring Paula. My life story is shown under my profile under biography. Not so detailed or interesting as I am not a great writer. I feel your angst and frustration. Back in the closet with a non accepting wife has brought on anxiety and depression at times. I had a similar experience to yours regarding your hook up story. My friends sister used to invite me up to her room when she was getting ready to go out for a night out. She was partially dressed in underwear stockings and suspenders while putting on make up and brushing her hair.Because it was my friends sister I backed off and resisted temptation. I was mesmerised by her pencil skirts and nylons . I just wanted to wear them . She inspired me when buying clothes. A few years ago her mother told me she was surprised I married and had children. As she and her daughter never thought I would. I think that was her polite way of telling me they used to think I was gay. If only they knew.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    lower right part of US
    Posts
    1,716
    Thanks for sharing your story Paula. I've seen your posts here and on Stana's site and this fills out the picture more.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  14. #14
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,867
    Wonderful story, Paula, and full of so many ups and downs which seem to be common with those of us who are more transgender to various degrees. Your early life sounds basically similar to mine and many others I have talked to that are like us. And it is consistent with what behavioral scientists have found to be true about the gender variant people. But I was an only child which, in retrospect, probably had an effect on the path that I followed after about 12 years old. Cross-dressing whenever I could before that age followed by a huge change after that age.

    In junior and senior high school I pretty much fit the mold of a teenage male except I was not very social and tended to be a bookworm and very studious. That said, the sense of the She in me was still present, but it did not manifest itself much in an outward way. I did not like her presence and began to hate her. No cross-dressing to speak of. Seven years of college, marriage, two kids, and 4 years in the Navy and I probably did not do anything in the way of changed gender expression, yet the behavior and female-like emotionality was there as strong as ever and I hated it more and more while, at the same time, finding it was constant and often helpful in dealing with personal interactions. It was 60 years from the time I first tried on my mother's clothes and realized I was not completely a red-blooded American Boy but had a lot of girl in me that was mostly internalized. I was at that point, 66 years old, that I read an article in the New York Times about how to deal with young boys that want to wear dresses. The dam burst and I realized there was only one path forward - come out of my shell and admit the truth, especially to myself, that I am a transgender person of some kind. It was either that or succeed in destroying her by checking out, which seemed like a rather strange solution, to say the least. It was a shocker to me, my wife, family, relatives and some friends to have gone through probably 55 years of hating myself for being that way and end up ending it all and left with nothing but darkness and no existence at all. My outward behavior shifted to a distinctly more female-like way from the strong male-like personality I used to cover up the girl in me which I constantly hated and denied and was determined to murder. Rather that an arch-enemy she became a complementary companion.

    A few years of intensive study of the transgender personality and the various theories of its causes. I am a scientist by profession and I had to know the why of it all. I learned a great deal but found out that although science is getting close to an answer it is still a ways off with a lot of hard questions to answer between now and whenever a suitable answer is found. No answer, but I understood it all far better and found it is not an aberration but a normal, although uncommon variation in humans (and probably some other creatures as well).

    But the one thing that has been continuous in all of this is that crossdressing was never an important part of it all. That is probably because I am not a particularly social person but still am to a significant degree that boy in the corner with his head buried in a book taking notes on what he is reading and ignoring the surrounding party. Not quite that bad. I can be social for awhile, but I get tired of it quickly. The other thing is that although Gretchen Marie comes fully out once in awhile she is a very internalized person that believes how you are in terms of behavior is more important than how you look. In short, the female-like traits and characteristics are inherent to the person's identity no matter what they look like on the outside. Same goes for male-like traits and characteristics and everything in between. But for those who need to engage in the outward expression that is fine with me - it is their pattern of expressing those inner neural networks they have and in that way we are alike in significant ways even though we often very different in significant ways.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    It will be interesting to read more of these origin and life stories. I am still figure over what I might have left to share in this venue. Perhaps its just a matter of compiling the abridged version.

  16. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    202
    Paula,
    Thanks for sharing your life story - you write so well and are so articulate. I dont know if you remember me.

    I had a somewhat similar childhood with 'home alone' time to dress in my sisters clothes which I have posted about previously so I wont repeat it all here. I have not been as 'brazen' (ie out and about) about my CDg in my adult life as you but always had/have similar feelings. I am glad that your family has been supportive. I too suffer from osteoarthritis in my back and it affects my day-to-day lifestyle. Im still in MA. As hard as you say your life has been I still envy you your ability to create and live your female persona. You look great!

    Luv and hugs
    Patti

  17. #17
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Madison AL
    Posts
    3,854
    I too have a story very similar to GretchenM. I finally accepted the female side of ME in 2008. I was a career USAF NCO, a happily married family man. I was doing my crossdressing by always working myself into skits where a man was required to wear woman's clothing. for 50 years, I didn't realize that I had a female side and that it was called crossdressing, I just liked to wear female clothing.
    All the gates were slowly torn down after my wife passed away (Cancer). The dam really was broken when two of my photo model insisted that I experience first hand what models go through. They full dressed me and applied makeup, nail polish (toes too), wig, hose, and shoes.When they were done I liked what I saw in the mirror and on the camera.
    So here I am one of the oldest newcomers to the crossdressing world. It is a mere 16 years since I have accepted myself as to what I am, a cross dresser.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  18. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    This is gonna take a minute because it covers a long, long time. Also, these are my recollections, and we know how malleable memories can be. Beyond that, I will not promise total disclosure nor complete honesty. There are aspects of my life story that I simply cannot bear to revisit nor share. It should be sufficient to say that I have a reasonable burden of regrets.

    Chronologically, it goes like this:

    I just knew something about me was off?at least that is the impression I got. I do not have specific recollections of what was wrong, except to say that some I gathered that some behaviors were not sufficiently boyish?and I got the curious label of houseboy. I took it as a disparaging term.

    Somewhere in that time, at age 4 perhaps, I encountered my eldest sisters slip in the laundry. It fascinated me and I loved wearing it?. But knew instinctively that wearing a girls slip was not something I wanted to be caught doing. I think perhaps that began a tendency towards hiding and dishonesty that lead to some of the regrets i prefer not to discuss

    Not long after that early childhood phase I realized that I could avoid the labeling by adopting a more masculine persona?and went all into the outdoors, cowboy model. Hat, fringe jacket?etc. fortunately I grew up in the country, and had horses at my disposal?. I really did love that facade, to be honest.

    Somewhere in puberty I discovered a pair of my younger sisters nylons. That first wearing was intensely sexual and I ended up convinced that I was a total creep. I never fully escaped from the attraction to stockings nor that mindset, although the sexual connnection faded decades ago.

    Young adulthood was a mix of denial and giving in to temptation. Such familiar refrains?try to quit, spend time in the army, come out as cured (yeah right), marry, and sheerly by accident bedroom play with my ex reignites the desire to dress. Sparing you so many minor details, we lasted nearly 20 years?underdressing and dressing in the bedroom were not an issue. Should have been good, but external and internal factors caused me to go off the rails entirely.

    Five years of denial ensue. I date a number of women. One in partiuclar seems adventurous and open minded. I disclose my cross dressing and she says she is ok?as long as she doesn?t have to see me fullly dressed. It did not seem an issue at the time. We end up married.

    Nearly a decade passes, and during that decade I find (as I am getting older) more curiosity about going beyond underdressing. I discover various internet resources and critically, this forum in 2009?a world of possibilities opens up but in the process I gradually alienate my wife. By 2010 I am going out in public fully en femme and over the next couple years, I am spending close to half time and wanting more. By 2015 she has had enough and I still find I want more. The marriage collapses and I retreat deeply for about 18 months.

    Since then I have been alone, gradually restored my self confidence and my wardrobe, and come out to a fairly large number of family, friends and colleagues. Still tho, i am conflicted. Its the conflict of wanting to have a foot in both worlds and realizing from first hand experience the risks associated with that precarious balance.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Robbiegirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    642
    Quote Originally Posted by Paula_56 View Post
    Oh yes party dresses, the pink ones especially. She was a bit older than I and I was able to wear all sorts of her clothes as she grew out of them and they were just put into the closet.

    My Mom caught a few times and told me to stop, she knew and just ignored me to a certain extent, threatened to tell Dad etc.

    When I got into my teens she got upset at me going into her clothes, she then started storing her old clothes in my closet in my room.

    Thinking back now I am guessing she just wanted me to have my own stuff and leave her stuff alone.

    Too bad things were so forbidden and taboo back then, if only I had supportive parents
    So your sister never knew you were modeling her things and still does not know till this day ?

    Did your mother actually catch you fully dressed as a Girl ? If my mother had I am sure she would have threatened to push me ou the front door if she caught me a second time. She was pretty ruthless !

  20. #20
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    917
    Paula, thank you for sharing your story. So many similarities with my own story growing up. I haven't yet reached the point where I make the leap and transition, although the older I get the more I am inclined to do so.

  21. #21
    New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2022
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    15
    In the pre internet days, we part time women thought we were the only ones who liked womenswear. It caused many of us some mental grief worrying if this was just a first step into something worse. We older women all share this story.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    I just thought of something funny. In the 1950?s, women sometimes wore petticoats under their dresses (USA). My mother stored one in my bedroom closet. Of course I tried it on.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    Paula, Nice story. I can see some similarities between our stories.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  23. #23
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,867
    What fascinating responses to Paula telling her story. The similarities we all have in dealing with issues along the way is what tells the experts that this is a very real phenomenon and has a deep seated but very complex cause. The final outcomes can vary, but the significant part is that our stories follow a very similar, general outline.

    Leslie Mary and I are quite similar in some ways, yet very different in others. All of that is in the details, but at the broader level one can see the underlying network that tie us all together in kind of a common supportive net. I read Paula's story, Leslie's and Kim's while fitting in Heather's and Debbie's more brief notes. Then fit in the stories of so many others I have learned. It is clear there are many common themes that bind all of us together. I don't think many of us have ever met each other and yet we seem like we are so similar in so many ways. Yet there are great differences as well.

    One could say that is the way all human groups and classifications are. That is true to a large extent, but in our case we revolve around a theme that is unexpected in the binary world of sexual differentiation which looms so very large in the human world. The different theme that binds us in many ways is significant even though within the theme there are huge variations. And then there are the places where we appear perfectly normal and consistent with the expectations associated with our sex.

    It is like living in a kaleidoscope that is constantly changing just like the kaleidoscope of non-gender variant people, but the color combinations produced in each are all different. What a wonderful world.

    The problem is that most people live in similar kaleidoscopes while ours is different in some noticeable ways. When we look in each other's kaleidoscope we see different patterns that we do not fully understand. And that provides the basis for forming stereotypes and traditional perspectives that when embraced too tightly create pain and severe problems for those who are different in ways that seem to conflict with the usual. And that leads to the heartbreaking aspects of life that results from a refusal to learn and understand from our differences.

    Petunia flowers all look very much alike and all are beautiful, but they come in different colors and with some variations in size and shape - just like humans. Why should we all be alike? Everything else on Earth varies inside their group as well as outside their group and that is OK. Why should humans be any different? We vary - period.

  24. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    202
    Quote Originally Posted by Paula_56 View Post
    She was a bit older than I and I was able to wear all sorts of her clothes as she grew out of them and they were just put into the closet.
    Same here except I had TWO older sisters and all their outgrown clothes.

  25. #25
    susie evans susie evans's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Boise ID
    Posts
    1,582
    Paula , it’s good to here from you again , I have been wondering hoe you were , I can relate having rode the roller coaster for years , about 30 years ago , decided that Susie needed more time in real life so I let the Jeanie out of the bottle, I think I still owe you a lunch or dinner , if you ever come out west just me know I still have the same email

    Hugs Susie

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State