Finally got my head around it

[simoneisatg]

I have finally confronted reality.

It was provoked by my therapist, who said to me yesterday that her sense was that there was an inevitability to all this. She was concerned that by voicing her thoughts and perceptions, she would somehow influence my thinking. What it did was simply make me accept the truth.

I am a transgender woman.

My head is spinning. I can't sleep. I feel sick and anxious and I'm constantly trembling. I don't know what to do next.

But there is no doubt in my head now where this is all going.

Please send me your love - I'm going to need it

[Katya@]

Sending hugs!

[bridget thronton]

Thinking of you - hoping the journey is smooth - if that is possible

[Wendy-Lyn]

Sending support and hugs.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

Congrats on figuring it out and having a good therapist, hope a good amount of your thoughts are positive!

[Aunt Kelly]

I know exactly what you mean. Had a very similar "breakthrough" experience. It is a bewildering set of emotions that come from that moment, to say the least. That's normal.

Your counselor will likely soon ask you if you have "a plan" for where you want to go from here. You won't, probably, but it's a way to open up discussion about the whole "I don't know what to do next" thing. Planning is good, as is setting goals, but there's no rush and no set timeline or set of benchmarks to hit. Figure out what's going to work for you.

FWIW, I have a friend who, once she'd made the decision, has been having surgeries almost as fast as she could get them scheduled. On the other hand, I've been on HRT for a little over a year and a half, but any other steps are on the slow track, while I get my finances where I want them to be when I pull the trigger. Your "plan" should take into account all things that will, or might, affect you as you proceed.

And best wishes as you continue past this big step.

[Lana Mae]

Welcome to the family!
Most of us have been where you are!
Best wishes on your journey!
Lotsa Hugs
Lana Mae

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm sending the best vibes I can muster, good luck as you move forward.

As Aunt Kelly says, every journey is it's own. Yes, work on a plan and yes, stay talking to the therapist. But take time to enjoy the journey as well. Some of the changes you are headed for will only happen once, so savor the moments whenever you can and appreciate the breaking down of the walls, that once they fall will likely never be built again.

There is also the possibility that like me, you might experience more than one or two "Oh Dear! What have I done?" moments as well as periods of Imposter syndrome. But every gut check once I started on my transition has come up with the same answer. Yes. Yes. Yes.

[Nadine Spirit]

Good luck...... it's better to know than to not, even if it is challenging.

[Maid_Marion]

Hi Simonel,

Congratulations on making the realization. Now you need to step back and carefully decide what path you need to take.
It is confusing because the right path is different for everyone.

Marion

[Sometimes Steffi]

So I'm a trust but verify kind of person. By that I mean trust your therapist, but think about what she said and try to independently determine if what she said is true.

Specifically, write down everything that makes you believe that you are a transgender woman. And then, write down everything that might indicate that you're not a transgender woman. Maybe you're "just a crossdresser", non-binary, gender fluid, or some other variation.

I have been to several "gender therapists", some whom were more knowledgeable than others. On the first meeting with one, at the end of our 50 minutes, she said, "You are gay. But don't worry about it. It's OK to be gay." I didn't think that she knew me well enough to come to a conclusion that I was gay after on 50 minutes. Plus, I never did feel gay, except when I was a teenager and thought that if I liked to dress in women's clothes that I must be gay. As a teenager, the only vocabulary I had to assign to myself way gay. "Lesbian" wasn't even in my vocabulary.

But I knew what gay meant, that I was attracted to men. So, the next day when I went to the gym, I looked around the locker room to see if there were any men that I was attracted to. There were none. It was just so icky. Honestly, there were some men that I would have liked to be, muscles, chiseled face, great smile, etc. But, there were none that I wanted to be with (intimately). Therefore, not gay. Therapist was wrong.

But, to (mis)quote my therapist, if you are a transgender woman, don't worry about it. It's OK to be transgender." And I'm sure that many girls here are willing and able to give you some advice, me included. I've helped launch several girls here into womanhood. I just met one of those girls a couple of weeks ago and she told me how instrumental I was in helping her launch into womanhood. She's full time now.