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Thread: Ethical survey: To tell or not to tell?

  1. #26
    Member 1Ladyjade's Avatar
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    I think I would pull her aside and let her know. That she needs to be honest about herself. It could get dangerous if she is misrepresenting herself and a man finds himself in an embarrassing situation.

  2. #27
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by char GG View Post
    I asked the resident CDer what he thinks about this thread. His response was the same as doc's.

    999 times out of a 1000 the guy's hitting on u because he knows you're a CD or trans!
    This.

    ___________________

    If you're just going out for the evening to have fun and don't plan on meeting anyone again after the event, then I don't see any obligation to disclose.

    But if anyone expresses interest in seeing you again, then of course you should tell, whether the other person is a male or a female.
    Reine

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    ReineD,
    this is going to be one of the few times that I find myself disagreeing with you - sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    If you're just going out for the evening to have fun and don't plan on meeting anyone again after the event, then I don't see any obligation to disclose.

    But if anyone expresses interest in seeing you again, then of course you should tell, whether the other person is a male or a female.

    I have to disagree because the OP posed the question as:

    Situation: A pretty and passable twenty something male attends
    a vanilla dating event dressed as a girl. She blends in and is chatting with several of the men present, although not leading them on.

    Questions: Does she have an ethical obligation to tell a man she is not really a girl, and if so, at what point and how to phrase it?
    To me, this means that the person is not getting "clocked" as male and that the men she is chatting with are unaware who they are talking to.
    In normal social settings this is a non-issue, since what she has in her panties is nobody's business anyway.

    But in a "vanilla dating event" she is messing with people's heads - and that's just wrong. These guys are at least a bit interested in meeting Miss right (or Miss Right-now) and a male posing as a woman is , at the very least, wasting these men's time and it could get so much worse. Suppose some poor unsuspecting dude finds her really interesting or even desirable, what then? How does she tell the guy that she's "not really real" without doing damage - or getting damaged?

    In my eyes it's as wrong as a married man attending that same dating event. Both might "pass" but both are misrepresenting to people who have a real interest in the outcome.

  4. #29
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SaraLin View Post
    But in a "vanilla dating event" she is messing with people's heads - and that's just wrong. These guys are at least a bit interested in meeting Miss right (or Miss Right-now) and a male posing as a woman is , at the very least, wasting these men's time and it could get so much worse. Suppose some poor unsuspecting dude finds her really interesting or even desirable, what then? How does she tell the guy that she's "not really real" without doing damage - or getting damaged?
    Lol if he is interested to that degree, then he will make some effort to see the CDer outside the event and if so then he should be told, as I said. If it's just flirting at the event with no intention for any follow-up, then how would he know he has been messed with if the CDer is as "passable" as described. They'll never see each other again!

    As to messing with people's heads, you must be careful to not assume that people's heads are messed with more than they are. Ultimately we don't know what goes on in someone else's head especially if we don't know them. How do you know this "vanilla" guy hasn't clocked the CDer and this is why he is so interested? Maybe he's the one messing with the CDer's head.

    A lot of guys think they're "vanilla" until something happens to prove otherwise.
    Last edited by ReineD; 04-28-2022 at 02:54 PM.
    Reine

  5. #30
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    In the real world, guys hit on CDs occasionally. How you handle it is up to you - but if unsure if that person is aware of your gender status, it only seems appropriate to make it clear ASAP if the person is showing interest.

    The part that bugs me is that I see no reason for a CD to ever attend a so called vanilla dating event which to me by definition is a social meeting between genetic men and women specifically for dating as the next step. It is not like a meet up to find an exercise buddy, etc. Of course if it were an LBGT sponsored event that would be different, but the premise of vanilla is clear enough to me. I would not go in the first place if I were on the market so to speak.

    Sandi

  6. #31
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I never attended a party where people were not aware of my situation.

    That way others would search me out and engage in conversation for their entertainment and mine also.

    Sometimes I would wind up with a partner, usually a girl and other times not.

    Other guests always knew who I was and that I was not gay.

    I did leave a party with a male escort on occasions but it was with a group and the poor guy only went because he could not find a girl.

    On these occasions I did not mind being second best. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  7. #32
    Member Valery L's Avatar
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    Hey!, I was not trying to play with their feelings!, There was a bowling event I just went to play and to see how the other people would react or if I could fool some of them, but was not looking to start anything romantic/sexual with anyone. I don't see the need to reveal my "secret" unless somebody showed real interest in me, in that case I have no problem in telling the guy that I was not born a girl, and if for some reason he insists I just tell him that I am not interested in him. That's all, no drama.

  8. #33
    New Member ValerieL's Avatar
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    A few years ago, before I came out as a crossdresser, I had something similar happened to me. She told me right away, and we actually ended up talking for a few months afterwards. I don?t know if that would have been the case if she had not told me.

  9. #34
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    When I go out I think people know what's going on mostly because of my height. Then there's the fact that many people know me so I'm sure word gets around. I don't feel the need to blurt it out loud the moment someone comes over to chat with me. In that respect I'm kind of casual about it. It depends on the conversation. I try to figure out if they know or not. sometimes it's obvious. Things don't get too serious too often but when they do if I exchange a number I make it my point to discuss it before there's any chance of us getting together Just the Two of Us. I found it a safe strategy to do so if we start texting or talking on the phone after our initial meeting. That way I would still up front but we haven't done anything yet. And when we do get together I make sure it's public a place I'm familiar with and I get to feel out the situation further. Besides those that just plain aren't interested or might be bothered by finding out later I also want to weed out the Curiosity Seekers and the I'm not gay but I want d Seekers. I at least want the potential for more than just fooling around. And they can't be embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Not that that should be an issue but it was once weirdly. I get a lot of attention and I guess he couldn't handle it.
    Last edited by Genifer Teal; 05-04-2022 at 05:48 PM.

  10. #35
    Heather loves heels Heather2die4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valery L View Post
    Hey!, I was not trying to play with their feelings!, There was a bowling event I just went to play and to see how the other people would react or if I could fool some of them, but was not looking to start anything romantic/sexual with anyone. I don't see the need to reveal my "secret" unless somebody showed real interest in me, in that case I have no problem in telling the guy that I was not born a girl, and if for some reason he insists I just tell him that I am not interested in him. That's all, no drama.
    So, now that the the jury is in and the purpetrator has revealed herself (See #32 below), we need to decide the appropriate punishment to be meted out. I think a spanking is warranted. Of course, with any really naughty girl like Valerie, there will need to be an element of humiliation for the punishment to sink in so let's spank her in public in a very short skirt. What do you say girls?

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