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Thread: Unique Office Situation

  1. #1
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
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    Unique Office Situation

    I have been going into my office twice a week for most of the COVID situation. I work in IT and need access to a lab for some testing and need to sometimes physically touch the equipment. I have noticed I am one of maybe 10 cars in a 4 story building, and I see maybe two or three other people over the course of a day. I work for a large corporation with a very progressive inclusion and harassment policy. While the company has made a move to bring people back to the office I haven?t seen a difference in my building, mainly because there has been talk about closing that office and everyone has been also been relocated to another office space. But the lab remains in the old space for now.

    I am pretty open about dressing in public but I have never dressed to go to work. I think it would be a fun bucket list thing to spend an entire day as my femme self at work. Attending my normal work meetings, tapping away at my computer, maybe even going out for lunch. I could probably find an office on another floor to work in for that day versus my normal desk and avoid the two people I might see regularly. Not that I would expect them to panic if they saw me.

    What would you do in my situation? I?m not sure how much longer I have to debate the question or act on it. They could permanently close the space in a month or it might stay open for another year.
    Rebecca Bas

  2. #2
    Member Terrihoney's Avatar
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    Given company policy, I'd say go for it. A slim chance you might be seen anyway. Even if, is there a huge downside? Of course, concentrating on work while dressed might be a challenge.

    Hugs, Terri
    Putting the 'Fun' back in dysfunctional.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Brenda Freeman's Avatar
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    If you go to work enfemme and are recognized that could change how you are viewed and maybe stir a lot of conversations downside or upside? I often wondered before I retired what would happen if I went to work dressed enfemme and probably should have at least my last day but never got the nerve. Could have been a great moment? It definitely would have stirred up conversations. I am comfortable going out today and have no problem talking about where I used to work. I worked closely with a lot of construction contractors and maintenance staff and based on many comments made over the years I think I would have become isolated. I saw a few people transition in businesses in our buildings over the years and heard some negative comments from staff. I guess I will never know. It sounds like your work environment sounds open, and with few staff on site maybe a great opportunity. Upside? good luck! Love to here about your experience if you do.

  4. #4
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    This entire idea is entirely up to you. You may find one day like I did and say, just do it to see how much nerve you have.

    The first time I ventured out of my home dressed I went to a grocery store. I must have looked ridiculous. I spent $100 filling up my cart with the weeks worth of food.

    Would I do that now? I think yes but in these past 2 years I am better at dressing than back then.

    If you look fantastic and your Avatar shows a very pretty woman. I would feel free enough to do it when the Pink Fog hits and I say. I am doing it.
    Last edited by Natalie5004; 04-24-2022 at 11:04 AM. Reason: Although disguised word, still not allowed

  5. #5
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
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    The avatar is me but with a few caveats. It was 14 years ago, I had the benefit of a professional make up artist and the magic of photography. Not photoshop, just a good pose and the photographer saying lift your chin, turn a bit to the left, etc. but I understand how the pink fog can overcome some of our doubts. I do go out in public on a semi regular basis, just never to work before.
    Rebecca Bas

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    I think you need to have a talk with the HR department first.

    At least if you make them aware of what you intend to do, it wont be a shock to them, and it could make things easier
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  7. #7
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    If you can own it and be comfortable enough show yourself - do it, it would be a very self-affirming thing to do ... go ahead, good luck and let us know how it went..........................Debra

  8. #8
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    I switched over to Size 2/XS/petite female clothes for the office. They fit perfectly. Much better than trying to find age appropriate guy clothes.
    I grew out my hair so it reaches the middle of my back. I wear nail polish and heels.

    My office has had openly gay middle managers for decades. They often sit together at company outings.

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 04-25-2022 at 11:07 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I think you need to have a talk with the HR department first.
    Absolutely....
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  10. #10
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    HR department, make sure they have your back.
    When my work mate came out, she had HR on her side, luckily most of the managers recognized we needed her skill.
    Unfortunately there were co-workers who didn't understand her situation and she decided to quit (and got a better job elsewhere)
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  11. #11
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    The key to ,my answer is simple you said a bucket list item to do. If you want to do it on your last day or 2 and not worry about it as you walk out the door. Just me and my thoughts.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  12. #12
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Rebecca, What is your direct manager's opinion. HR can have your back, but if your manager wants to get rid of you, he or she will contrive another reason.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #13
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I would say it's a bad idea to mix crossdressing with your job or career. Lots of bad things could happen.

    Think long and hard before letting your co-workers and/or boss know that you like to run around dressed as a woman.
    Krisi

  14. #14
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I would be a bit cautious too. just because the written company policy is fairly open and accepting that doesn't mean the employees are.

    I worked for a company that has warm fuzzy stuff written in to the company employee policies. The bosses were pretty quiet about it, and I never saw it tested in the time I was there, but half the employees were the worst homophobic bunch I had ever seen. If showed up in a dress and it freaked the other's out, who would be leaving? 20 and 30 year employees? Or the one guy in a dress?

    Keep in mind, if you have one person stirring up a bunch of of the employees they can figure out a way to let you go.

    I certainly would not just pop into work dressed and see if no one notices, or if they do, I would not want to be the person to test the employee policies!

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I can tell you from life experience that what Jamie says is valid. I worked for a major corporation that had a progressive HR policy. But the HR dept. was states away and we were in a smaller branch with only a few employees on site. I watched in somewhat horrified awe at the devious and clever ways our branch manager manipulated the situation until employees who he was at odds with either quit or were fired.

    That said, it really is up to you. In the fifty plus years of my working life I benefited greatly by being fired several times. Not always though. The question is; how important is the job to you, relatively speaking.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    The skulduggery that goes on behind closed doors is unbelievable in most companies. You are in the minority. The majority always seem to get their way over an individual that does not tow the company party line .I would beware if I was you as the others have pointed out.

  17. #17
    Happy Halloween! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Unless you're planning on coming out, Heist? My vote is "No"!

    U can NEVER put the toothpaste back in the tube after it's out!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  18. #18
    Member Billie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Rebecca, What is your direct manager's opinion. HR can have your back, but if your manager wants to get rid of you, he or she will contrive another reason.
    Exactly!!!!

    And it's not that hard if they are looking for something.

  19. #19
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
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    I hear and understand what everyone is saying. I would prefer not to bring it to HR for the sole reason that I'm not planning to transition on a permanent basis. I don't want to advertise it or make a production out of it.

    A few items in defense of the company

    1. There was a person in my building who openly transitioned, male to female, about seven years ago. They worked in the company for over five years before they made a career change of their own choice. So there is historical acceptance.
    2. My direct boss works remotely in another state. I am highly unlikely of encountering anyone on my team. I am also unlikely to encounter anyone at all, but never say never.
    3. I work in the same city as corporate HR, just in a different building.
    4. There has been a huge push for inclusion and diversity going up to the highest levels of the company over the last year.

    None of this means I would necessarily follow through, I do understand everyones concerns. But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?
    Last edited by Heisthebride; 04-25-2022 at 02:16 PM.
    Rebecca Bas

  20. #20
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    It's hard to advocate for change if we're at home, I agree.

    For me, the crux of the issue is how important is this job to me, and how might losing the job affect me and those depending on me? Further, if I lose the job under contrived, negative circumstances, will this affect my employability moving forward?

    For my part, I would never do this while I have people depending on my income. I'm planning on retiring in 7-8 years, and I am dreaming of going into work the last week dressed en femme every day. At that point, what can they do to hurt me? Nothing. Until then, I have too many people depending on me having this job. I don't have the luxury of potentially torpedoing it. Your mileage may vary, of course

  21. #21
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisthebride View Post
    None of this means I would necessarily follow through, I do understand everyones concerns. But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?
    Trust me, I agree, but just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Just make sure you have thought it all out.

    The way you explain it you might go in dressed as a drag queen and nobody might be the wiser, but with my luck my boss would decide to pop in that day for a visit!

    I also wonder to the degree you dress. You could show up in skinny jeans a nice top and chunky heel ankle boots in a somewhat male mode and perhaps have zero issues. But once you strap on the boobs and wig you are committed!

    I remember late in the evening,wearing high heels at work a couple times, and then one evening as I was in my pickup getting ready to drive out of the warehouse on on my coworkers comes walking in. 15 seconds earlier he would have caught me running around in heels. That was the end of that!
    Last edited by Pumped; 04-25-2022 at 06:11 PM.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisthebride View Post
    But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?
    Honestly, with my job and livelihood possibly on the line, I wouldn't try using my workplace as a location to advocate for change. Change generally happens slowly and it could be a long, painful road to take. Rather, if advocating for change is what I wanted to do, I think I'd be better off leaving home en femme every time I walked out the door of my house on MY time and not on company time.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Similar topics have been on this site a number of times. What I gained from them is to keep your private life private. However, as others have said you must make up your mind, but do count the cost first.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Linda K.'s Avatar
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    Rebecca,

    There is one unanswered question you need to consider that hasn't been brought up yet. You said they were closing up the building and relocating the employees to another office space, I would imagine that is more affordable to the company. It doesn't sound feasible for them to keep the lab there and they would likely relocate that as well. So the question is this. Is your job secure with the company during this transition to another location? If yes, then finding another desk to work at for a couple of days while you are alone. That may be a good idea if you are eventually moved with everyone else. If God forbid no, then who cares? But keep one thing in mind, if the company is making a "huge push for inclusion," then you have HR on your side if there is any type of harassment against you. Is this a 100% yes I can do this with no repercussions situation? Only you can decide that. But from all the information you provided so far, it seems like a good opportunity to take this step. Also remember the first time you went out in public as Rebecca and how nervous you were. How did you overcome that fear to step across the threshold to the outdoors? That was your first step to advocate for change, is this an opportunity for your second step? Good luck in making your decision and let us know what happens. You know, we are all behind you on this!

    Hugs,

    Linda
    Last edited by Linda K.; 04-25-2022 at 10:14 PM.

  25. #25
    Member Jessicajane's Avatar
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    Going to work as a woman is the best.
    I love deciding on my outfit the night before dependant on wether its a client meeting …small heels …smart pants …classy blouse or just around the office days where I get a little more adventurous!usually trying a style that I can go on to use as client facing if it works
    It doesnt distract at all but I often do think thank goodness this is now my life.
    We rarely regret things we do especially under careful consideration and not impulsive!however I have regretted heaps were I just couldnt find the courage.
    In this day and age it really isnt that big a deal xxx
    Last edited by Jessicajane; 04-27-2022 at 05:48 AM.

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