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Thread: Got to Know Cheating or Not ?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Renee Demarea's Avatar
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    Got to Know Cheating or Not ?

    Do You feel that Crossdressing is considered Cheating on your relationship with your SO ?

  2. #2
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    I don?t. For me it?s expressing another side of myself that I can?t share with my SO at this time. She wouldn?t understand that I can have a side that very male and a side that is very female.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    If you are keeping it a secret and doing it behind her back, then it is definitely being dishonest in your relationship but cheating, no

  4. #4
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    When it is a secret and you are hiding it there is definitely a level of dishonesty there. For your consideration: Crossdressing could be considered the second most intimate feminine relationship a guy could have. That could be considered as cheating.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Definitely not cheating but could very well be considered lying, the lie of omission.
    Crissy

  6. #6
    Member TAG's Avatar
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    Its an age old question asked on every CD site I have been on over the years.
    My answer is no because there is no real other woman.
    Just my opinion and if you feel differently thats fine.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I'll give you this: For the brief period of time I hid my CDing from my wife, it FELT like I was cheating. I didn't like that feeling at all. But now that I have come out and she is accepting, none of that feeling at all.

  8. #8
    Member bre's Avatar
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    Very well said, Kris. Our own perceptions affect us the most deeply (perhaps we know which of our own buttons to push for maximum effect). While I was hiding Bre from my wife, I felt dishonest. Now that it is out in the open (at least at home), there is no more dishonesty, either real or perceived.

  9. #9
    Member Larissa Cassandra's Avatar
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    Crossdressing when your wife or SO doesn't know is NOT cheating (IMHO)! The reason they don't know (i.e., the CD hasn't come out to them) is fear of losing a relationship that was very good in all other respects, as well as fear of ridicule (or worse) from ignorant bigots. It's a tradeoff between coming out and risking all kinds of stress and distress, or hiding and feeling relatively safe and secure. I know it's the "lie of omission," but it's better for the relationship, until and unless there's some kind of opportunity to come out safely (like positive attitude of wife/SO toward friend or relative who has come out as CD). I strongly believe that our American society (and probably most other cultures) is cheating US by forcing us into hiding and shaming any of us who DARE to present ourselves in public dressed the way we feel most comfortable.

  10. #10
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    No! And my wife does not either. But she does think that not telling her about my crossdressing is lying. Even though she never asked! So what is worse, a cheater or a liar or are they comparable?

  11. #11
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    Thinking it?s neither cheating nor lying?.it?s a personal disclosure if all one does is dress, make up and have feelings of satisfaction. If on the other hand, one dresses and hits the road to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship, then it?s both. Having said that, if the relationship is purely casual in person or on a site such as this, then thinking that would be like and the same as having a male friend when in male mode. Also think that there may not be a right or wrong answer.

    I somewhat agree with the comments that refer to not saying in fear of destroying a relationship that may be OK in other aspects. Somewhat a personal issue that may have variable and multiple complications.

    Jess?.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
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    When my wife discovered Danielle she had no thoughts of it being cheating but was very upset at the deception and hiding the truth about my crossdressing. She was more hurt about that than the crossdressing itself. On the other hand I also understand those of us who keep it a secret because they know their wife would not be accepting at all and the marriage would end in divorce.

  13. #13
    Member Larissa Cassandra's Avatar
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    I guess I've just been really lucky. After a period of a few months after coming out to my wife, she had processed everything I told her, read articles (and this forum) to learn about crossdressing, and realized that she didn't have to worry about me being gay or wanting to transition. Rather than feeling that she was lied to, she felt sorry for me having to hide this part of me for so many years - all my life; she's the only one who knows. So while she doesn't actively participate in my dressing (and Larissa's clothes are, in general, more feminine than hers), she's helped me a lot by taking pictures, buying clothes and makeup for me, shopping with me, and most of all just understanding how difficult it was for me before, and letting me know it's ok, and I'm ok, now and forever with her. My first wife would never have understood or condoned any of this "nonsense" (as she might have called it), so I really feel for my fellow CDers who have to live in situations like that. I hope this forum, and the many events and activities out there for us, have and will continue to help.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I'm out to my wife and she is accepting and encouraging. However, if I had never told her, the question would be does she think it's cheating?
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  15. #15
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    No, I feel it has enhanced it in so many ways , but every case is different. My wife is accepting
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I told my wife as soon as I realized the relationship was serious because I didn't want to live a life of lying and repression. So I suppose in that sense I viewed not telling as lying. But cheating? To me that seems like a term of escalation. It's like something you'd spit out in an argument to throw fuel onto the fire. Something you'd say out of spite.

    If a married man, or woman, occasionally masturbates; is that cheating? Is it cheating if, while you are doing it you are thinking about something other than the marriage partner?

    If you are leading a secret social life, out drinking and partying and being approached by men, that muddies the waters. That starts to approach cheating. If you are just dressing up in the house when nobody else is at home you are actually exercising a kind of self restraint; indulging a strong drive in the safest available way. A sort of safety pressure valve.

    The tone of your thread title makes it seem like this question is really bothering you. I hope you can get some reassurance here. These are tough and frightening times. We need to be gentle on ourselves. You are not invading another country or cheating on your taxes. In the end it is justifiable self exploration and cute clothes.

    PM me if you want to discuss this more.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  17. #17
    Silver Member SherriePall's Avatar
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    Not telling about your "hobby" could be considered lying by omission. If you withhold yourself from your spouse because of your dressing, it could be considered cheating the same as if you withheld yourself because of an affair with another woman. Afterall, you are not giving your spouse all of you, especially if your spouse seeks it or needs your attention and love in whatever form.
    Sherrie Lynn Pall

    Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.

    Please don't let me be the last post on this thread

  18. #18
    Member rachelatshop's Avatar
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    Absolutely NOT unless you are going out and seeking attention that would be considered cheating

  19. #19
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I felt it was when I was still hiding from her.
    I would find reasons to stay home if she wanted to go shopping and such to have a few minutes to dress. The guilt I felt about not sharing that time with her is what eventually drove me to come out to her fully. Now that she is completely aware, understanding and accepting I no longer feel that way. We share it all now, unlike before and I feel it's brought us so much closer.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  20. #20
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    Maybe the question should also be posted in the "Ask the GG's A Question." To me, cheating implies some sort of violation of a rule. Several years ago a GG on this site posted not telling a woman about cross dressing is "lying by omission." The man has not given the woman the opportunity to choose whether or not to be in a relationship with a cross dresser. That, in itself, is a valid point.

    A question I always have is "What is wrong with being a cross dressing man?" Why is divorce the immediate response for some women? Why are you tearing the house apart looking for his clothes? Why the ultimatums?

    My wife and I went through "The Talk" in the mid 1980's. I got it. She does not want to participate in any way, shape or form. I do not do anything to stimulate a reaction; I do not do any body modifications. I do not wave the red cape in front of the bull. So, if I buy feminine garments without her knowledge, is that "cheating" when she explicitly said she wants nothing to do with it? IMHO, buying feminine clothing is no different than spending money on golf balls, club and green fees. The issue would be, if any agreed upon amount is being exceeded at the expense of milk for the baby. If the agreement between husband and wife is he stays in doors while she is away, then going out to any venue is a violation of a trust, i.e., cheating.

    "Lying by omission" is nothing more than skirting the issue. What's really bothering you?
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 04-29-2022 at 10:25 AM. Reason: spelling

  21. #21
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    No need to ask the GGs, they've been responding to that question for 12 years now in that very forum. The thread (in its recent, second installment) can be found at the top of the Loved Ones section : https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-a-GGs-POV-two

    Good reading!

  22. #22
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    In my case I have a boyfriend who is incredibly accepting, supportive and encouraging so I never have to feel that way. He loves it that I wear lingerie to bed.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    The consequences of both can be the same .However I believe cheating involves Somebody else. Solitary CD in my view is not cheating.

  24. #24
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    If it is cheating, guess we will never prosper?

  25. #25
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    It doesn’t matter what is the "other-thing" that is lied about or kept secret, or done behind a spouse’s back without saying anything, whether or not it involves some form of sexual release. If such a "thing-other-than-the-relationship-with-a-spouse" exists, it means obviously that priorities lie elsewhere than with a spouse. It can be any form of compulsion: gambling or drinking, or even any behavior that would be seemingly "normal" if it wasn’t done to excess to the point of lacking balance in a person’s life.

    And if the behavior involves sexual release in my view it violates the sexual commitment made between couples because then the spouses are not equally invested in their sexual relationship. For example you have a wife who expects her husband to be as much into her as she is into him, and a husband who gets more out of sexual release to his CDing sexual fantasies … or more out of an affair with someone else. And over time, this imbalance is felt by the wife even if it is not named. She can then slowly get turned off, which deprives the relationship of something that was once essential to it - there is now a wedge in her relationship with her husband and she doesn’t know why. Oftentimes she will blame herself.

    And I haven’t even mentioned the betrayal a spouse feels upon learning that they’ve been lied to!

    So yes. The minute something else takes priority over the relationship, it is a form of cheating and the consequences can be just as dire as if there had been an affair.
    Reine

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