Quandary from previous posts answers

[suzanne]

My wife once HATED my dressing, and refused to talk about any aspect of it. She would, infrequently, ask questions like "Do you want to become a woman?" or "Are you gay?" or make comments like "I'm not a lesbian"

Borrowing or sneaking into the wifes clothes is always a very bad idea, even if they fit. Everybody in this forum advises open communications with the spouse, and I agree in principle. But what do you do when the spouse goes silent, and I mean DEAD silent? My solution was to go on dressing as I pleased, in the hope that she would see nothing bad happens when I'm in a dress.

That is what worked for me. Eventually, my wife started to make comments, like "I like that sweater on you." or "I prefer to see you in a skirt, rather than a dress, and I like longer skirts better than short ones." I honored those few comments by making my choices based on her opinions. Now, she sees me dressed every day and acts as if it's not a big deal. Only one piece is missing. She refuses to go out in public with me while I'm dressed.

[franlee]

[QUOTE=Karren Hutton;4581401]Like who here has not borrowed someone elses fem clothing, especially us older girls. I personally was a prolific borrower! And not ashamed to say so. And now we all got religion or something. Yeah it is better if you can go buy your own but if you cant. I say go for it. And do not get so scared of getting caught or hiding things.

You need to think these things out and do what you have to do, I feel sorry for people in these situations. There is no cure or remedy short of honesty and steadfastness. If you don't take care of your needs you sure can't take care of hers. Understanding the needs of both is the key for me. But there is no negotiation in my house, I do what I want and she does what she wants and we go on....

[Julia B]

You have a MAJOR stumbling block in your marriage. You need to discuss and resolve it.
Find a reputable marriage therapist who also deals with gender issues. Once you find out your wife?s fears of you dressing you may be able to alleviate those fears and find compromise for you to dress.

[DianeT]

This if you want to end your marriage (and crossdress all you like once single):

Yeah it is better if you can go buy your own but if you cant. I say go for it. And do not get so scared of getting caught or hiding things.

Got you covered!
(This is getting a lot of use this year)
- Picture of a secret stash in a storage box -

This if you'd like to stay married (and crossdress within boundaries discussed with your wife):

Wearing a wife's clothing is a no-no. That can have explosive consequences. [...]
I think a wife, establishing some acceptable boundaries allows her to have some control over her husband's shopping. I think ultimately the sneaking around will get worse because the unsatisfied need is not being met. [...]
Anyway, encourage her to get educated.

That leaves you with the advice that Stephanie gave, talk more about your feelings of why you like to dress and how you feel if you can't. Then educate her about YOU. She needs to know those things. If you don't know yourself, then how can she know? Are you "miserable" if you can't dress? Or can you take it or leave it? Possibly during any subsequent talk, you could work out some arrangement to dress privately. You also need to find out what her objection is to your dressing in private? Her just saying "No" does not mean a future conversation is not possible.

Don't hide. Talk to your wife.

[Genifer Teal]

Unfortunately I think you're learning what it takes to be in a relationship and sharing everything with your spouse. Now that you haven't shared everything, you're seeing the consequences. I hope you are able to work this out. Early on I saw this potential conundrum if I hid it and figured the best answer was they knew immediately like as soon as I could tell them when we first started talking. that way no time was wasted on either part if it was a factor and it was no longer a secret if it wasn't an immediate deal-breaker.

[sometimes_miss]

Explain how it FEELS to not be able to dress, at least for a little while, every so often. <snip>

Perhaps this will help: The best way I could describe it, was to say it was like an itch that I couldn't scratch; and the longer I went between dressing up, the more irritating the feeling would become, until it interfered with my being able to concentrate on anything else, or even be able to sleep. I would become irritable, short tempered, and suffer from short term memory loss as it got worse and worse, until all I could think about, was dressing up as a girl.

Does anyone else have any other way to express the feeling of needing to crossdress?

[DianeT]

Sometimes_miss in my case not an itch but a kind of sadness when I can't take care of this side of me for a long time. When I finally can, Its like watering a plant that had been left drying in a corner of the house. Something thrives again and I feel balanced.

[Vale]

Reading your posts I think I sense a lot of fear. Both in your wife and in you. Sometimes fear has to be recognized and brought into the open and addressed before progress can be made. Maybe you could ask your wife what she fears in your CDing? Ask yourself that question too. That approach helped me at one time. .. vale