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Thread: SO acceptance and looks

  1. #1
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    SO acceptance and looks

    So I have a bit of a powder keg question but here goes anyway:

    Do you think your ability to look good while dressed influences your wife’s/girl friend’s acceptance of you? I know there are a fair number of bigger fellas here who would have a harder time looking feminine, does that play a part do you think? I am tall but otherwise able to pull off a decent look and have almost free rein when it comes to my dressing (there’s always a limit somewhere). I wonder if my good fortune rests to a large extent on my ability to look appealing?

    This is absolutely not meant to be a contest or anything, it is just something I wondered as I have read the posts over the years. Do you think home life would be easier if you were built or looked differently?
    Last edited by AngelaYVR; 04-28-2022 at 06:15 PM.

  2. #2
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Ugh… this is not fun to answer but I can tell you with 100% certainty that my ability to not only look like a woman but the added pressure of having to look attractive had a HUGE part in her acceptance when I came out to her as trans.

    I can also report that had I said I was a crossdresser and NOT transgender, I would not be married to her.
    I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.

  3. #3
    Junior Member vplshowoff's Avatar
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    Yes. Yes. My wife says she doesn't like that I look prettier than her when I dress up.

  4. #4
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I do not know. I do know that I cannot nor do I want to be female every day.
    My SO told me I look better than one of my 5 sisters.
    I do not think I look better than my SO.

    If I looked like a foolish man in a dress she would laugh at me. So I guess there is some acceptance in how I look.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Eh, no, not in my case! I usually don't bother with from the neck up as it is beyond hope! I can do well on below, but no mater I am a 60 year old guy in a dress with a rocking body, (with all the right padding and cinching!)

  6. #6
    Avatar is FaceAp enhanced Mary Loo's Avatar
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    If I understand the premise of the post, I think your theory is accurate in my case. My wife and I just spent about 2 hours in discussion tonight about my cross dressing and changes over the last few months. She tolerates on my behalf, but doesn’t truly understand and will never get pass seeing me as simply a man in a dress (her man in fact). I can not pass and almost assuredly never will, certainly not in her mind. I do believe if I could pass she might be a little less cold to the whole thing.

    She is not a girly girl and is probably even less so now than ever. She never sees herself as pretty or beautiful and only sees her own flaws in the mirror. I told her I wish she could see herself the way I do, then followed up with and sometimes I wish you could see me the way I do! She wants no part of seeing me dressed and though my own brain tries to see myself as good as possible (aka after a FaceAp alteration) she just can’t.

    Anyway, back to your question. Yes, I think she would be more receptive if I could pull it all off better. Maybe when I ever get good at makeup I can find out. Probably not.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    My wife has state that she doesn't like the fact that my breast forms are larger than her actual breasts.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
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    I am one of those larger people, and I know that my appearance was troubling to my wife. Partly perhaps because I may have looked awful or absurd to her. Possibly, she was too kind to come out and say that. Having seen me often dressed she admitted that she could never entirely see me as a male again and that made our marriage untenable.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    This has never come up, but possibly. As it turns out we of a like mind in many ways. My taste in clothes is very similar to hers, she has helped me extensively with makeup, and I have not veered very far from that which she has taught me. In short the my look is so influenced by her that it would be surprising if she didn't like it, in many ways its her look! I do not think she would like it if I were to dress more provocatively, but I'm not inclined to do that anyway, so I guess we're OK.

    Interestingly to me at least, and in stark contrast to Kim's post, is that she says when I am fully dressed she still sees me, not as a woman, but just me. I'm still very much the same regardless of what I'm wearing. This probably helps her overall acceptance as well.
    Last edited by Kris Burton; 04-29-2022 at 08:41 AM. Reason: added material

  10. #10
    Member Jessicajane's Avatar
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    Possibly ?if you can achieve a version that your wife finds credible and not overly confronting it is likely to help

  11. #11
    Member rachelatshop's Avatar
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    There is no one answer to this question, because my wife is both uncomfortable that I don't pass and would be made fun of and if I look to good it makes her jealous. I can wear some of her older dresses and look better than she does wearing them. It is a mater of TALKING helping her become comfortable with your dressing

  12. #12
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    As Kris has, so well said?ditto for me too. Especially makeup. Perfectly described.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Wifey doesn't comment one way or another and seems to ignore my dressing. Not sure if that's good or not
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  14. #14
    Platinum Member
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    Why wife declines to be engage in any cross dressing activity. When we met I was six foot and 175 pounds. I wore a 38 Tall suit. If there was no backdrop to accentuate my height, she probably would think I looked like a long legged Scandinavian blond (my hair color back then). Fast forward to now; six foot and 200 pounds. I think she would view me as a "man in a dress." Aging does change somebody's looks. When I was young I think the turn off would have been I looked too good and somewhat threatening due to some personal unwanted she experiences as a late teenager in the military. "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" She is not a lesbian, and, absolutely would not engage in any relationship with a man pretending to be a woman. Sometimes I wonder if a woman had a voluntary and enjoyable relationship with another woman, if she would be supportive of a cross dressing husband; not feel threatened in any way. Food for thought?

  15. #15
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My wife suggested I wear women's shirts because there were so few options with XS men's shirts. J crew only had a few XS shirts and they looked hideous. Not only were the colors awful but the sleeves were too long.
    She was worried about my employment and wanted me to update my wardrobe to something more age appropriate as I approached my 50s.

    I've since learned that women's bottoms also fit me better, as I don't need a belt. I've gotten complements from friends and the folks at work as my clothes fit much better now.

    The only negative was from a gal who said I needed to update my Facebook page. It still has my original photo!

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 04-29-2022 at 11:53 AM.

  16. #16
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    In my case I have a boyfriend and from the start of our relationship he's always been accepting and supportive, and I know that it's unconditional whether I look good as a girl or not. For purposes of intimacy though it definitely helps that I have a girly type figure and look as good as I do in beautiful/romantic lingerie when I come to bed. I want him to be excited about the anticipation of making love to me and I know I achieve that with how I look at bedtime.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    While she always supported Me, the person she loved, and let me know it, my late wife's support for my gender expression was all over the block, and seemed to vary more with her personal struggles than anything particular I wore or any particular way I looked. We were a pair of very imperfect individuals, but our rough edges seemed to fit together perfectly, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  18. #18
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Thank you for the answers so far and I appreciate the extra candour from some of you. The need to express ourselves remains the same whether we are petite or rugby fullback in our appearances. It would be very enlightening to hear from some of our GGs if there is in fact this threshold that I imagine.

  19. #19
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    There are a lot of accepting and tolerant GG testimonies here and I don't remember ever reading a line about acceptance having to do with how good the spouse looked as a female. Not to say that it has zero bearing, especially if the CDer goes out, but clearly it isn't a topic wives are munching on when supporting hubby.
    Last edited by DianeT; 04-29-2022 at 04:39 PM.

  20. #20
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    That is why I asked them directly, Diane. I should not need to point out that what people have done in the past does not necessarily have any bearing on what they might be thinking. However, your concerns have been noted.

  21. #21
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Thank you for noting my concerns!
    Last edited by DianeT; 04-29-2022 at 05:40 PM.

  22. #22
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Yes. I think my wife would be more excepting of any cross dresser who passed well. She has no issues with my natural femininity. Shaving manurisms cloths I pick out for her. But side by side with a typical genetic female, I look like a large man. What ever I am wearing and my wife much prefers to see men dressed in male attire.
    Last edited by Jane G; 04-29-2022 at 07:27 PM.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Loo View Post
    If I understand the premise of the post, I think your theory is accurate in my case. She tolerates on my behalf, but doesn’t truly understand and will never get past seeing me as simply a man in a dress (her man in fact). I can not pass and almost assuredly never will, certainly not in her mind. I do believe if I could pass she might be a little less cold to the whole thing.

    She is not a girly girl and is probably even less so now than ever. She never sees herself as pretty or beautiful and only sees her own flaws in the mirror. I told her I wish she could see herself the way I do, then followed up with and sometimes I wish you could see me the way I do! She wants no part of seeing me dressed and though my own brain tries to see myself as good as possible (aka after a FaceAp alteration) she just can’t.

    Anyway, back to your question. Yes, I think she would be more receptive if I could pull it all off better. Maybe when I ever get good at makeup I can find out. Probably not.
    Mary, you saved me writing my answer as it is pretty much summed up in your post.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Philipa Jane's Avatar
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    This is an easy answer from me.
    My late wife was very concerned that I could look better than her.
    I could never contemplate this as she was a very attractive woman and had a lot of style when she was dressed.
    However for some reason she lacked confidence. (Perhaps I did not tell her enough)
    She had a massive wardrobe spread over three bedroom closets and shoes like Imelda Marcos.
    Tall and slim and wore clothes well.
    For me if I looked like a guy in a dress I couldn't do this.


    Philipa Jane

  25. #25
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    I think that if my wife was accepting (more tolerant) I would not be able to dress the way I want or look the way I want or do the things to my body that I want. It would be what she wants me to do and I get enough of that in my drab life.

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