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Thread: How often does it happen?

  1. #1
    Member Aka_Donna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Sacramento Valley

    How often does it happen?

    As many on this site, the need to CD flows hard and then wanes. This past week has been a wane week, but the wife said "you aren't dressing pretty". Didn't really feel like it that day, but know it is not a good idea to not dress when opportunity presents itself. So dressed, that day and next.
    And she was right, now been feeling much better and more positive about life.

    So, how often does this happen to you? Do you fall into blue funks from time to time and need a good dosage of pink to recover?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Linda K.'s Avatar
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    Aug 2021
    Northern Illinois
    Because of working so many hours recently, my opportunities to dress are slim pickings. I had gone over a month without even being able to wear a bra or panties! I was getting very irritable and hard to work with. Then, over the Easter weekend, my roommate went out of town for the weekend. I dressed fully that Saturday night and took some fun pictures. I spent the whole night as Linda and even went to sleep as her. I spent Easter day as Linda the whole day and even cooked a nice meal in the kitchen in 4" heels! I went to bed early and when I woke up in the morning, about 0200, my roommate had returned home and was in bed sleeping. I went upstairs to make my coffee still wearing my bra and forms not caring if he woke up or not and saw me. He didn't and I went back to drab mode before he woke up at 0630. It was a very therapeutic weekend for me and I have been so relaxed and easy to be around since. So I can relate to what you are feeling!!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Aug 2021
    New Jersey
    Since i began actively CDing, my mood has been much more positive. It seems to have lifted a depression that has been with me for years. Even dressing partially or doing something CD related is helpful, but when I dress fully my spirit is elevated for days. If I go for a few days without a visit from my alter ego in some form, I can feel the depression sinking in. There have been times I've had to force myself to dress, but I am always rewarded when I do, so I do not worry about the "blue" times, the "pinks" are always right around the corner.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
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    Apr 2017
    Basingstoke, Uk
    Recently i have a dress up night once a week. Its increased this last year, always used to be every 3 weeks or so.
    Thats fully done up.

  5. #5
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    South Western PA
    I have had a few bouts of the blues where I did not feel like doing anything including dressing. They only last a few days. A few times when the opportunity knocked and I did not feel like it, I actually forced myself to dress so as not to waste the moment. I did have a period of years when the desire just faded away along with my sex drive and a few other things. But it all came back after I was diagnosed and successfully treated for a pituitary brain tumor. Funny how hormone levels can effect your mood and behavior. Last week, My Endo decided to tweak my meds so I am expecting more swings in the coming months. Fun! Not.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Yikes! I have no casual connection that I know of, but I have a lifelong tendency to slip into a very dark and deep place from time to time. The frequency and length of these is unpredictable. During those episodes nothing really interests me.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 05-02-2022 at 06:45 AM.

  7. #7
    Stephanie Lake StephanieLake's Avatar
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    Feb 2022
    Southern and Central CA (I have 2 homes)
    I've been having the same issue. Mostly feel like doing, but other days not so much. Oddly enough, my wife notices. Not that I'm not dressing, but because I'm a little depressed. Im blaming the latest down on dealing with aging parents and a rotator cuff issue. I'm hoping after my next treatment, I'll feel more like dressing.

  8. #8
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    I came out 10 years ago and before that actually dressing was a rare event and quite joyful. But when I came out the need to dress increased by leaps and bounds for a couple of years and then began to subside and settle into a well defined and predictable pattern. During that time I wasn't able to dress but was out I would sink into a deep funk that was depression-like but was actually severe dysphoria. And it got horrible at times.

    The subsidence of that dysphoria happened as I began to realize that I am who I am whether I dress female-like or male-like or somewhere in between. When I learned about the Gender Mosaic concept and theory and how brain plasticity produces the ever changing mosaic pattern that defines our gender behaviors, dressing, for me, became a choice and not a more compulsive need. Dressing became a very enjoyable treat but was not so much of a need. One could say I underwent a kind of transition driven by the need to escape the dysphoria produced by the deprivation of not dressing. And I escaped by accepting who I am in terms of gender (a blend of male and female) and I completely let go of the life long belief that gender is binary with little crossover. It is a matrix, a mosaic of many, many traits and characteristics that produce our gender directed behaviors, whatever those may be.

    So how did I reach that point? Part of it was intensive reading of the technical literature, as hard as that was, and realizing that we are all so very different in this way. It seems to me if the change in outward gender expression creates a more positive outlook in your life then, ideally, you should find ways to engage in that more. I still use bits and pieces of the female-like physical expression (mostly using color as well as a few other hints) almost daily and that usually keeps the inside to outside connection and expression consistent so that I can smother dysphoria.

    Back when the DSM V was being written, a well known gender therapist suggested "Gender Expression Deprivation Disorder" as the replacement for "Gender Dysphoria." Disorders are more common and carry less negative stigma. And she found that for many dressing alleviated the incidence of demons and a type of depression. That expression produced a more positive attitude, just as many here say the way it is for them. But the bottom line is that because we are all different when it comes to personal gender definition (the Gender Mosaic) we all must find what works for us as individuals and then explore that deeply. Ultimately it is necessary to get the behavior to complement the neural networks that generate the dysphoria when there is inconsistency between what your brain has calculated that you should do in behavior and what actually can happen in a practical sense. When you find the happy medium you will know it because dysphoria basically goes away or becomes a rather rare and easily dealt with difficulty that doesn't pull you into a black hole. It is a transition, but from irrational to rational behavior, and not necessarily from your presumed gender based on your sex and the other side of the coin. However, if that is the way your neural networks are configured then flipping the coin may be necessary. It is not so simple as one size fits all. And once you find a comfort zone realize it will slowly shift and change as life and the range of our experiences change. When it comes to gender you are who you are AND THAT IS OK.
    Last edited by GretchenM; 05-02-2022 at 09:27 AM.

  9. #9
    Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
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    May 2021
    Oh yes, I too have "blue funks" every two to three weeks. However, I am lucky to have a fantastic wife who recognizes the onset early and frequently hints that a "pink cure" is always available.
    I honor my wife's request that I not post pictures.

  10. #10
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    Great post. Definitely applies to me recently. I have been having trouble with my hip. I love walking and mountaineering, so that has been getting me down. My dressing gives me an outlet that does not require physical fitness. Something that I have always enjoyed. So dressing has been a quite haven to visit and enjoy recently. As a result, even though I have been down, I have dressed and every time it has helped me to understand that life is far more diverse than any one activity we might enjoy.
    Last edited by Jane G; 05-02-2022 at 10:53 AM.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    I have those funks once in a while during the day but given that I usually wear romantic lingerie to bed every night the funks don't last long and I'm able to enjoy plenty of pink fog Jess time at bedtime every night.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Coastal SC
    I haven't had the first time I didn't want to dress. That said, I've had many times dressing would not have been the right thing to do. I honestly believe if CDing were completely acceptable, I'd CD most all of the time. And, I mean CD fully.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    I have adult children in my home for 4.5 years now. It severely limits my ability to dress. Be glad your wife recognized your need to dress.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    I go through phases. Part of my wishes that someone would push me to do it on the days I don?t feel like it.

  15. #15
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    I think it fluctuates for most people. My wife has come to terms with being married to a CDer, so I dress as I please all the time. My male wardrobe is shrinking by attrition, never to be replaced. But my mood varies. I have come up with a rating system to describe my desired presentation.

    M - must present masculine
    m - prefer to be masculine
    N - neutral, no preference
    f - prefer to be feminine
    F - must be feminine
    This is the same tired old 1 to 5 scale, but without the numbers to suggest a value judgment.

    I am always either F, or f, or N (at my worst). m or M never happen anymore

  16. #16
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    I did when I first began dressing and lived with my ex and 2 kids.

    But, now that I live alone and can dress any time I want? I'm totally stress free. I guess just knowing that changed everything for the better!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  17. #17
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Los Angeles
    Dressing definitely improves my mood. As for the waxing and waning that definitely happens, although as I've gotten older it seems the waxing is much stronger and longer lasting than the waning. I still go through periods where I think I'm done and I think about putting everything away in storage (I've learned not to purge...). I was at that point a couple of weeks ago, but this week I've been dressing more than ever probably. And I'm happier than I was two weeks ago. I also sometimes "force" myself to dress when I don't have a strong desire to and I always wind up enjoying it and feeling better. Kind of like going to the gym. Sometimes I'm really gung-ho about working out, other times I have to "force" myself, and I always feel better after and glad I did. Endorphins I suppose released by both crossdressing and exercise.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2021
    Merseyside UK
    I can be down and blue when opportunities to dress are limited which they are at the moment. I can also lose interest. The pink prescription always picks me up and is just what the doctor ordered.

  19. #19
    Member *ROXY*'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    uk (mid)
    For me the occurrences of dressing are in tandem with my mood. When I feel happy and content I'm more likely to dress up, when I'm feeling down or unwell I don't feel like dressing up. It's not the lack of dressing making me sad it's the sadness making me not feel like dressing up. Bit odd, but there you go x
    Foxy Roxy has entered the building

  20. #20
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    When I was much younger, all the good things going on in my life were keeping me busy thinking about them. I was getting my fill of sex, affection, work was going well, so my mind was able to repress the desire to cross completely into my subconscious. This went on for about 10 years, so much so, that I truly believed that I had either outgrown it, 'beaten it', or maybe it was just a phase I had been going through. It was only when the crap hit the fan in my life, that the stress overwhelmed my mind's ability to keep the crossdressing genie in the bottle, and it gradually kept pushing it's way into my consciousness little by little, until I couldn't stop thinking about it anymore. This happened over several years, so the desire would wax and wane, sometimes getting severe, at other times, barely noticeable. I don't know how or if this occurs with others, but it certainly happened to me.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    As a retiree I am no longer subject to work stress which use to precipitate a definite need to be en femme for the day. When I did retire, and, my wife was still working, there were days I just did not feel the need/urge/whatever it may be called, to don a pretty dress. Now with my wife retired my opportunities with Covid are nil. Mentally, if I cannot get a full day (7 or so hours) I just do not bother with dressing. That's in part because I really do not want to be en femme when my wife were to return home with a friend unexpectedly. There has been times when I'd love to be en femme 24/7 for several days. I've been plagued with bouts of neuropathy which kind of makes me want to do absolutely nothing. Fortunately, since my wife and I sleep apart, I do get to sleep in a bra, panty and slip or nightgown every night. That routine has generated a "Linus and his security blanket" for me.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    austin texas
    With me it comes and goes .and if I do it alot I don't want to stop. And at times I'm so bored at home there has to be more.dont get me wrong I love to dress and clean house.but after I feel like something is missing.but it always comes back I'm 64 don't think it's going to stop lol

  23. #23
    Claire M Claire M's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    It definitely wanes and surges for me; more so with age. Like Sometimes_Miss, I had a 12 year "wane" in my late teens. During that period I met and married my wife, (another story for another thread), started a career and became visible in the community.

    After I started dressing again, I would have surges followed by wanes lasting days, weeks or even a year or two. During the surges, the need to dress was so distracting I sometimes couldnt focus on my work. Dressing was a huge stress relief. My therapist once posed whether dressing relieved my stress levels or whether not dressing caused my stress levels?

    I have some opportunities to dress where I started pulling out my makeup and wardrobe and just can't get excited to make the effort. If I push on and do my makeup, outfit and wig, I usually find the joy. Sometimes I get totally dressed, look in the mirror and she screams back at me "man in a dress" which is a total buzz kill!!

  24. #24
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Losing the desire is never an issue for me.
    Life might take away the time, responsibilities might not permit, but my desire to be me is always there.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  25. #25
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2021
    New York City
    I dress occasionally and it feels so special, but the thrill wanes after a few days. I prefer extended pauses in my dressing so that each experience feels new rather than routine.

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