Altering life

[Maria 60]

I got home from work and my neighbour was working on his car, we did the macho thing and stood around the car with the hood open. My wife came over and we sat outside having a few drinks with them. When we came home my wife asked me if I was feeling ok because I nursed one beer all night. I told her I wanted to go for a drive dressed and I didn't want to over drink and rather be safe in case I get pulled over. She gave me a Wow, and then said "you alter your life for the sake of the dressing, Interesting". I told her more then she could ever imagine and she asked me to entice her with some more examples.

:Sunday morning golfing with my buddies.
:Instead have the house to myself for a few hours to dress

:Friday night a the strip bar with my friends.
:Instead go fem shopping with her

:work overtime and make some extra money.
:Instead rush home to try on the skirt that arrived from Amazon

:Friday night play some pick up hockey with co-workers.
:Instead I would rather go on my Friday drive

:Go to a baseball game.
: Instead watch the game at home wearing a full slip and pantyhose relaxing on the couch

:Grow a nice long goatee.
:Instead shave my face with no hair

She stopped me and told me she didn't realize how much I alter and sacrifice my life to commadate my dressing and maybe how much I'm missing at the same time for the sake of my dressing.
I told her I guess I didn't even realize myself, if anyone else has an example of there life altering feel free to add to the list

[Heather76]

I can't put it into a list format; but, I can say this. I will/do give up most outside contact to be dressed at home. That said, I've never lead an active social life. My primary interest/hobby is golf which is a once or twice a week activity these days. I've never been one to go out for drinks, play cards/poker with the guys, go to clubs, etc. I wouldn't give up a round of golf or a visit with my children or grandchildren in order to dress. But, since we are about 1,000 miles away from them, that's not a concern. The fact I can now dress at home whenever I want also makes a big difference.

[Kris Burton]

I have worn facial hair almost since I was able to grow facial hair, and consistently since 1976. When I began to actively crossdress, off it came, and I have been clean shaven since. It took my wife especially a bit to get used to it, but she's OK now - I look younger, even in male mode, so it has its advantages on both sides.

I'm a guitarist, and as a fingerstyle/classical player have longer nails on my right hand. They are sculpted for tone production, but do look nice when polished. I tried recently to grow the left to match, could I get used to playing with long left hand nails? No go - the nails impede the fingering. I knew that, but I had to try. So, I'll have to forgo the nail polish thing - music and artistic expression wins!

[Karren H]

Yeah. Great thread! Have been altering my life and my body for decades! I also have skipped playing hockey a number of times to dress and go out enfemme. On business trips, I would always skip getting together with my coworkers after the work day was over so I could go back to the hotel, dress and go out enfemme. One trip I was with two executives when after dinner and a few drinks decided we should go to a massage parlor. I declined because really wanted to go back and dress but I also did not want them to see my totally hairless body! Lol. They probably thought I was some kind of prude or something.

I still have been altering my life, since the pandemic my wife has been having heart issues and problems sleeping so I volunteered to sleep downstairs so she could sleep better. And I have used the time alone to work on enlarging my breasts and slimming my midriff and sleeping enfemme most nights. Seems my whole life is about altering with the end goal of looking and feeling more feminine when dressing.

[DianeT]

Maria I wouldn't call sacrifice the choosing of an activity over one you prefer less. This is more about making choices (like vanilla over strawberry ice cream, you'll sacrifice the strawberry, but is it life-altering?).

[kimdl93]

Would ending a marriage count?

[GretchenM]

I agree with Diane. It is not a sacrifice - it is a choice and choices can change your activities tremendously by altering your priorities. Your internal self is changing tremendously and that is reflected in the activities you do. It is both an amazing feeling and a bit scary because you really don't know where it is actually headed. In a sense you are living each day in a way that is most meaningful to you, but the nature of that is following your internal compass rather than your behavior simply following expectations set mostly by social standards. In a sense, your identity is merging in that the female-like characteristics and male-like characteristics are forming a new union and collaboration that leads you to new priorities and different choices.

I began that in a conscious way about 8 years ago, but it actually began about 9 1/2 years ago - I just did not recognize it for what it was for awhile as it was a pretty bumpy road and sometimes terribly confusing. But once I reached the pavement it became much easier. Now I am a very different person than I was, say, 12 years ago when I would have been more prone to be like the first of the paired statements in your list. My actual activities were different than yours but the effect of that contrast had and still has a similar impact.

So I conclude with "CONGRATULATIONS." Keep going and follow your heart. And always remember that women can also be stereotypically male-like at times and yet still be very womanly most of the time. And men can be the opposite. It is not a matter of either/or. Blending can be a very good solution to the dysphoria we often experience in our journey's.

[HollyCD]

Your wife's comment "how much I'm missing at the same time for the sake of my dressing" is spot on for me. The demands of family, work, and home leave minimal time for other activities, so I end up trying to balance that time between dressing or a much loved and enjoyable hobby. No matter which I chose, I sometimes realize after the fact that I should have chosen the other path that particular day. Mostly I'm at peace either way, but it can be a tug of war at times. Being in a DADT doesn't allow me to participate in said hobby while dressed. Sometimes I look back and feel like I waste a lot of time dressing, when I could be doing other things. But I also realize that's partly due to my personal ethic of always being productive. I just look at it as though dressing is my "zen" moment that allows me to disconnect and find peace and balance in life.

[Geena75]

Case in point: Today my 6-year-old grandson has a soccer game. I'm not a soccer fan so I find it tedious, especially since his main involvement is running and looking, not getting really involved. I could take the option to defer and use a couple hour window to dress up, even stretching it since I wouldn't be going to a birthday party that the spouse and (probably) the daughters would be attending. However, I'm thinking more in terms of going (taking a 2nd vehicle) and at least one daughter likely riding home with me afterwards. I would rather dress, but family should come first.

[Stephanie47]

First, it's a darn good idea, if you know you're going to be driving, don't drink to excess. If I am going to be driving it is zero alcohol.

The only time I would have an opportunity to be en femme was when my wife was at work. She was hit by a car when she was in the fifth grade and suffered some TBI which stopped the development of her depth perception. Hence, she does not drive. Hence, no coming home early as I have always had to go fetch her at the end of the days I took off from work or after I retired and she was still working. I had seven hours of quality femme time.

There was a lot of outdoor maintenance that was not being done because that was my femme time.

You're very fortunate to have an accepting and supportive wife. The only femme time I get now is sleeping in a nightgown/bra/panty and banging away on this keyboard in the morning as my wife sleeps late.

[Bluesman]

I'm a guitarist, and as a fingerstyle/classical player have longer nails on my right hand. They are sculpted for tone production, but do look nice when polished. I tried recently to grow the left to match, could I get used to playing with long left hand nails? No go - the nails impede the fingering. I knew that, but I had to try. So, I'll have to forgo the nail polish thing - music and artistic expression wins!

Well, you could switch to slide.

[nancy58]

I think a lot of this has to do with the sexual nature of crossdressing. People -- and especially the ones with testicles -- will do almost anything to accommodate a sexual urge. I'd even say we are wired for it: several years ago, someone published an experiment involving monkeys, juice (used as currency), and photos (monkey porn). The thing I remember was that no amount of juice would tempt a male monkey to give up looking at a female in estrus. (I have no idea what that looks like, but that phrase sticks in my mind.)

I realized a long time ago that I have to make choices between my crossdressing urge and other areas of life. I have a rule that my relationship with my wife comes first, but since she is begrudgingly tolerant, that puts a lot of pressure on crossdressing.

[Rachael Fernandez]

My wife is huge DADT. She does know I cross dress, but she wants to know, or have, absolutely nothing to do with it. Therefore, I need to dress and become Rachael when she is not around.

I retired recently, while she still works, and I get time all day to be what I want to be. I am finding I am spending a lot of time indoors dressed and not going outside at all during the day except for the few things I have to do, like grocery shopping. This causes some angst when she arrives home and no gardening has been done, for example. I know she will be upset, even annoyed, but I want to be Rachael, not the male I have grown up as. I take the anger and frustration on the chin knowing tomorrow I will probably (almost certainly) do the same again.

I love being dressed and feeling all girly and could spend life as Rachael 24/7 atm. I wish I could because, as much as I love being Rachael, I may grow out of being her a little bit and ease some of the burden of guilt off myself.

[sometimes_miss]

Basically, I just give up time that I might spend outdoors or going to social events, in order to remain completely dressed as a girl and just stay at home, often indulging in female specific behaviors to enhance the experience. Polishing my nails, ironing the 'girl stuff' in the laundry, shopping for girl stuff on line (clothes, nail polish, accessories, etc.), reading female discussion forums, watching chick flicks, reading young adult fiction written towards a girl audience, etc.. If I have to venture outdoors, it really depends on how far, how much I will change my outer clothing. Since the pandemic, three of my neighbors have died, leaving the neighborhood much more sparsely inhabited, so going to the car or mailbox is no longer problematic. But I still avoid driving en femme for any distance, and when I do, I keep a 'man uniform' bag handy so I can quickly change into boy mode should the need arise.
The one really non femme thing I do, often, is while at home, I'll wear a plain frumpy sweatshirt; because my parrot wants me to. He can grab the thick material much more firmly, and seems much happier that way, and will just hang out on my shoulder with me for hours, which is nice when most other social contact is limited these days. And no, I haven't 'gone back to normal' yet, as we're still in pandemic conditions, with the death rate once again rising. I've worked in healthcare all my life, and will not be part of anything that increases the likelihood of increasing the spread of this disease, as I learned from the 1918 version that as a responsible member of society, I should do what is correct to stop the spread of the virus which causes covid19, no matter how much I'd rather be out and having fun.