The Bad, the Good, and the Ugly.

[DianeT]

Per boundaries set together with my wife, I dress twice a year for a day, each time to the full nines. I usually do so between November and April, because I like my apartment temperature chilly when I put on wigs, forms, and several layers of clothes. I did my first session in January and kind of let the train pass after that, as the hip forms I got in December where a bit on the large side and didn't feel right. I took my time to order new, smaller ones and they took a month to arrive. Then I got busy with other stuff (including an episode of Covid that I brought back from a trip to my poor wife - who actually recovered faster than me).
Here comes the Bad: we are now in the middle of the hottest month of May in French meteorological history. I will wait for the temperatures to drop, but with the global climate change and the summers now starting in early June and ending early November, the window of opportunity for my second session is shrinking to such extent that I expect to soon hear a "pop" and - ok, gone. We'll see.
Now for the Good: for the first time*, my wife recently offered me to keep some clothes from the stack she was preparing for goodwill. We carefully selected together stuff that wasn't too sentimental for her and for which the prospect of my wearing them would not be too awkward for her. I asked for a pair of jeans and a few casual tops, since I'd like to try a few more conventional looks.
It was really an act of love on her part, since the subject is very difficult for her (the dressing, but more especially the lying and the stealing that were my trademark for years). I thank her for that (I could love her for it, but dang, I already love her anyway).
As for the Ugly, I'll probably have to wait for my made up face in the mirror without a wig because it's too hot out there.

* Edit: scratch that, it was actually the second time, but the first time I did not accept the items for various reasons**.
** Edit of the edit: Discovered yesterday, when doing my second session, that I had actually picked two items. I didn't remember since this was months ago and I stashed them in the basement and forgot I had them until I reopened that suitcase yesterday.

[GretchenM]

Hmm, that is curious. Nobody seems to want to respond. So, I will.

I too am quite limited. My wife is accepting for as far as the short string allows. She accepts the personality shifts but the dressing is a bit too much, except for very limited under-dressing. It sounds as if you and your wife are living apart? We did that out of necessity for about 4 years while our daughter was struggling. I was quite free but still honored the DADT agreement as best as I could. She is back home now as our daughter passed away in December - a result of a her struggles. So now there are restrictions - but it is OK. Compliance is an act of love. I have Gretchen's personality; just not the appearance. Appearance is just clothes; personality is the reality.

I know what you mean about hot weather. For me, hot weather and dressing just don't mix well at all.

Hang in there.

[Di]

I am glad you both worked out what you find works for you.
There is much love between you both.

[Maid_Marion]

Hi DianeT,

That is great to hear that your wife is more accepting!

I've started wearing sleeveless form fitting tops in the hot weather.

Marion

[Crissy 107]

Hi Diane, You have a wonderful wife and that she offered you clothes from her Goodwill stack shows a lot of acceptance, now we know it happened twice.
Every one of us in a DADT marriage have their own parameters and need to find something that works. Sometimes it can be difficult but not impossible.
Thanks for this thread, many of us can identify with it.

[DianeT]

Gretchen, my wife and I live in the same apartment, we split it in two when I dress.
I didn't know about your daughter. Please accept my sincere condolences.

Thanks for everyone's answer. As you all probably figured out, the Good in my post is the only thing that really matters.

[char GG]

I think it's wonderful that you both discussed boundaries. Honest communication is key for everyone, and especially so in situations where CDing was hidden from a spouse many years into the marriage and the "great reveal" was a surprise. It's great that you two have established a workable solution. Your love and respect for each other is obvious.

(Now I can't get that song out of my head, lol)

[alwayshave]

Diane, I'm sorry that your wife is not more accepting. As far as summers being hot, air conditioning can help with that.

[DianeT]

(Now I can't get that song out of my head, lol)

A-ee-ya-ee-yaaa, woh-woh-woh (heh heh )

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Update : the temperature dropped yesterday, and I asked my wife the day before if she was okay if I did it the next day. She said ok (more on this below).

Diane, I'm sorry that your wife is not more accepting. As far as summers being hot, air conditioning can help with that.

Hey Jamie, air conditioning would be a bliss! It would save CDers like me from extinction (on the other hand, air conditioning will accelerate extinction of other species I like too. Bummer).
As for my wife: she is actually very accepting, not to mention supportive. Like I said above, I warned her on Wednesday at 11pm that I would like to do my second dressing session on the next day (Thursday). Normally I warn her weeks in advance so she can prepare herself mentally, but this time I thought the opportunity was gone due to the temperature rise, until I read that night a weather report showing a steep temperature drop the next day. So I really warned her at the last minute, asking for her green light. She said yes immediately. I double-checked since I knew it would be difficult for her. She said it was difficult, but she green-lit it nonetheless. This is huge support in my opinion.
But that's not the end of it: after I ended my session, I told her about the clothes she gave me a few weeks ago (jeans, sweaters, a cardigan, an ankle-length skirt, a knee-length skirt, two dresses) and that I just had a chance to try. She asked how they fit. I told her they fit perfectly except the mid-length, office-style skirt (it was too large for her, it proved too large for me too). I was so happy with the looks I asked her if she wanted to see the combinations I selected. She said yes. I said "a few items are mine, you know" (she has NEVER seen any of my female clothes). She said yes. I arranged the clothes on a table to show her a couple of combinations I especially liked, and she commented (she liked them too). After a moment she looked at me, smiled and said "it feels strange to know that you are wearing what used to be my clothes". That remark means that although she gave these clothes to me, it wasn't an easy thing to do for her. It cost her to make me happy. This is support, acceptance and love here, in one package

P.S.
I almost forgot a last one: about the skirt that didn't fit. I told her that I loved this skirt, that it looked splendid on me, but was a bit too large. I then remarked that the three low-priced skirts I had bought so far for myself couldn't compete with this one. She looked at the tag of her former skirt and told me that it was a low-priced brand too. I told her I was surprised one could buy low-priced stuff that looked so good and with such a finish, and her reply was "I'm sure we can find one for you". I marked these words: "WE can find one". This means that she is considering helping me find one. In case this would be wishful thinking, I checked since if she really meant that. Her answer was: yes, without any promise, but she would think about it. Of course, one may think this is not acceptance if she doesn't end up doing it. But for me, the simple fact that she considered it is a sign of great acceptance, and an impressively supportive thing to do. Because I know what goes through her mind when she says such things, and I very well know how much it costs her to say and do these things. I find that remarkable for a wife who was kept in the dark by her husband for 36 years. Would a husband have done this for his wife if the tables were turned around? Would - I - have done this? Honestly, I don't know.

[SaraLin]

DianeT,
When you said "Would a husband have done this for his wife if the tables were turned around? Would - I - have done this? Honestly, I don't know." I had to smile to myself.
That's because I suspect that a good number of the members in here would agree with me in saying "In a heartbeat - if I could too!"
If both husband and wife could enjoy the experience together, imagine the possibilities!

Now that I've said that, I'd like to say that it sounds like you're making some small progress with your lady. I hope that the two of you find a way forward that works for both of you.

[DianeT]

SaraLin, I see what you mean, but this only works if the husbands are crossdressers And if you turned the tables around completely, then they wouldn't be.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.