Good morning. Yesterday, I took a leap. A big step forward, maybe off a cliff? Who knows. As you may know, I am quite fond of going out into the world as Monica but I have always done so at a safe distance from home base. This means going out usually in Boston or other communities that are at least 20-45 minutes away from my town.
Yesterday, I met up with a friend for a late afternoon lunch date and he decided at the last minute on a very popular restaurant in my town. I had a bit of a panic attack when I realized where we were going but it also was very very exciting to make such a bold, risky move. I was a wreck from the minute I got out of the car, until we were seated at our table. My heart was beating fast. I must have scanned the room a dozen times when we sat down, but didn't see anyone I knew. I have been to this restaurant many times over the years and know several of the servers by name. Our server yesterday was very polite and courteous, but not one of the ones I know. Why did I agree to this? Why do I take more risks when I go out lately? The more I think about it, the more I am convinced there's a part of me that really wants to be "caught" or outed, to confront this part of my life once and for all. By the way, the food and company was wonderful.