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Thread: Slowly opening up the conversation

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Slowly opening up the conversation

    My wife and I left home this morning on a week's trip out of state to meet for the 1st time our now 5 month old great grandson. We stopped tonight and will continue driving tomorrow to reach our destination. After we checked into the motel, we went to dinner, gassed up the car, and went to Walmart. My wife needed to buy some white socks to wear with her golf shoes. This Walmart was laid out differently than the ones we're used to shopping at. As we're looking for the women's department I spot a rack with socks. I pointed it out to her at which time she simultaneously said, "Women's Intimates" as she saw the signage. We walked over there. While she was looking on some other display, I found the socks she wanted and called her over. She came over, chose the package she wanted and we started walking. Before we left the women's apparel section, I said, "That's not very fair." She asked, "What?" I told her, in a joking manner, I didn't think it was fair for her to bring me into the ladies clothing section without letting me buy anything. She said I was right that she wasn't buying anything while she was with me.

    When we got to the motel room, I pursued the conversation just a bit more. She told me that although she's not a fan of me dressing, she believes she's done very well at putting up with it. My response was very direct. I told her that from what I have read on this forum, the reactions of wives/SO ranges everywhere for total acceptance/support/participation to divorce. I thought she was likely more accepting than 75% of the wives I've read about here. I then told her I was forever grateful that she hasn't put up a battle about it. It was a nice, albeit brief, conversation.

    Then, as she was unpacking her overnight bag to take out her clothes for tomorrow, she quipped, "Damn, I forgot to put underwear in here. It's all in my suitcase." We leave our suitcases in the car overnight and just take small overnight cases into motels with us. My reply was simple. "If you'd like, you can borrow a pair of mine. I've got plenty in my case." She declined.

    After that little exchange, she changed into her nightwear and laid on the bed to watch TV. I then changed into my bralette (with inserts), nightie, and stockings. Then I went over to the bed, gave her a kiss, and thanked her for loving me so much. This was a nice way to make talking about my CDing a bit less awkward for her. It's the little things that count and this was one of them.

    EDIT: I forgot another important part of the conversation. After she declined borrowing a pair of my panties, she said when I accompany her shopping she's not sure if I'm looking for her or for myself. I told her I wouldn't lie and the fact is I'm looking for her and for myself. She said that's what she figured. Again, I don't believe the content of the conversation was as important as the fact she's talking about my CDing more.
    Last edited by Heather76; 05-31-2022 at 09:18 PM. Reason: Certain topics not allowed
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  2. #2
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Great conversations. Never easy but frequently helpful. Open communication avoids lots of misunderstandings. Thanks for sharing.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Heather, Great post! You had a terrific exchange from Walmart on and I think from what I know your wife is up around the 75% mark if not higher.
    Evenings like this go a long way
    Crissy

  4. #4
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Heather, I'm glad the conversation went well. Though I'm sorry you couldn't purchase anything.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    If you can converse openly without embarrassment or holding anything back you know things are going well. Count yourself among the fortunate!
    www.flickr.com/people/194195593@N05/

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
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    Having the conversation is so important. Glad you were able to do it with your wife. Hope the conversation continues.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
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    If you were sleeping in the same room as your wife while wearing a bralette (with inserts), nightie and stockings you're way past the point of just having a conversation. And, you're way past where the vast majority of cross dressers are with their wives.

    After my wife and I had "The Talk" she told me never to buy her any slinky nightgowns again because she thought I was buying them with the thought of how I would like to wear them. It wasn't true, but, that was her perception.

  8. #8
    Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    So important to keep the lines of communication open in a non-threatening way as you just did. Good job!
    YOLO

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    We returned home from our trip yesterday afternoon. We had a great trip and saw all of my family members except my older brother and his wife (live 2400 miles away) and our grandson (also lives a distance away). I took only 2 nighties, 1 bralette, and 2 pair of thigh highs. I was able to wear these to bed at night. Naturally, I took plenty of lace panties to wear each day. Anyway, I wasn't able to dress during the daytime as is expected. Upon our return, I didn't dress with a bra, forms, dress, and stockings until my wife went to bed - which she did earlier than normal as she was tired from the trip. This morning when I got out of bed, she had already been up for an hour or so. After brushing my teeth and taking care of other early morning things, I went to the family room where she was. I was wearing thigh highs, panties, bra, forms, nightie and its matching wrap. We often eat our breakfast in the family room as we eat relatively light breakfasts. She had finished hers and I took mine into the room with me. After finishing my breakfast, we talked a bit.

    When we were done talking, I took my breakfast dish to the kitchen. She went to the kitchen also. While standing there next to each other, we embraced and had a nice, deep kiss. After that I did what I normally do - I fondled her breasts. Her response was to briefly grab one of my breast forms through my clothing. Was I ever surprised!!! I told her she's welcome to cuddle my boobs any time. Her response was so right on when she said, "That's okay, I'm not into boobs like you are."

    Anyway, the fact she did that is one more little step in her road to acceptance and continuing conversations. I am 100% happy with her continuing acceptance. I really can't ask for more.
    Last edited by Heather76; 06-09-2022 at 04:19 PM.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  10. #10
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heather76 View Post
    As we're looking for the women's department I spot a rack with socks. I pointed it out to her at which time she simultaneously said, "Women's Intimates" as she saw the signage. We walked over there. While she was looking on some other display, I found the socks she wanted and called her over. She came over, chose the package she wanted and we started walking. Before we left the women's apparel section, I said, "That's not very fair." She asked, "What?" I told her, in a joking manner, I didn't think it was fair for her to bring me into the ladies clothing section without letting me buy anything.
    Heather, if you want to be able to buy stuff for you when your wife is there, just ask her. She may be ok, or she may not.
    By complaining, even jokingly, that it's not fair for you that she buys something in the ladies section without buying something for you, you are turning your sock scouting good deed into a transaction, since you are waiting for something in return. You are also making your wife feel guilty, since you complain about her behavior, while there is no reason for her to feel guilty about anything; she's just buying a pair of socks.
    You said it in a "jokingly manner", but since you continued the conversation, apparently it wasn't just a jest, you are trying to send a message, and the best way to send a message is to be open about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heather76 View Post
    Again, I don't believe the content of the conversation was as important as the fact she's talking about my CDing more.
    Well I think it is very important. In a single post I gathered this:
    - She tells you that she's "not a fan" of your CDing, that she's "putting up with it". Even if her distaste isn't the primary topic there, words are revealing.
    - She doesn't want to use your underwear
    - She tells you that she's confused, when shopping with you, about who's buying for whom. I read this as, she's uneasy with your accompanying her in the ladies section.
    Maybe you should talk to her about her feelings.

    You consider that the conversation is opening up. I don't see the conversation opening. I see your wife sending signals, and I see you picking the cues you want to hear, and not the rest. Of course, your mileage may vary, and I may be reading too much into all this.
    "There's one thing I don't understand. The thing that I don't understand is every [bleep]-ing thing about crossdressing." - The Blimey
    For those who consider telling their SOs, read this fine manual first: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I have to say I am with Diane on this. The two the biggest things my wife insisted on when we moved into an FLR a year or so ago is that I learn to really, really listen to her, and that I ask permission before doing what I want. Both of these requests were very humbling for me. I now don’t wear anything feminine in her presence without her permission these days, and my goal in our conversations has become to understand her feelings and point of view, not to push mine. In turn, I have received far more than I could have ever imagined (and a happier wife). I would never tell her something is not fair, even in jest, especially not her buying something for herself. Nancy
    Last edited by NancyJ; 06-09-2022 at 02:05 PM.

  12. #12
    Member scarlett's Avatar
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    flr?????????
    Last edited by char GG; 06-09-2022 at 04:54 PM. Reason: Not necessary to quote the post directly before yours

  13. #13
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Female-Led Relationship.

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