Female led Relationships

[cindylouho]

The skepticism is understandable Kitty (What a cute name) being that what you described can easily construed as sounding like a pretty sweet fantasy to some, myself included. In reality genuine FLRs are not as they're depicted in porn stories, but can be just as sexy when the element of reality sets in, if you know what I mean. You've got to have the building blocks in already in place before you can build a successful FLR with your SO, ie Does she have a naturally dominant side? Are you prepared to put this into practice 24/7, and before all of that; Is she actually fully into it? There's more but that's off the top. At any rate, congratulations Kitty, it sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun.

[Kitty Sue]

Skepticism is totally understandable. For us the transition has proven rather straight forward as my wife is naturally dominant and a strong leader. My wife already was controlling the majority of our financial decisions. She chose the town we live in, the house we bought and decides when and if we will buy new cars or get credit cards and the like.

Sexually, things have not changed a lot either as once again she already decided when we have sex and frequency. She has always made most of the decisions in that area. So far our sex lives look nothing like a porn movie. However, if that is the road she decides we will go down I would be open to that. In saying that I think the chances of that occurring are slim to none.

I think you are absolutely right in saying having the building blocks in place is important to have a successful FLR. In that area I am very fortunate. I told my wife about FLRs. She read an article and agreed without any hesitation that it would a good idea to try. She really likes it, as do I. I could not imagine trying this with a partner more submissive than I am. I believe its really important for this to work the woman be more dominant than the man. I have always been attracted to assertive and confidant woman who are not afraid to achieve their goals. The majority of my relationships with women prior to marriage were with strong women. I could not imagine trying to beg a spouse to enter an FLR if she was not open to it. Niether could I imagine trying to force or manipulate my wife into such an arrangement if she had a submissive personality.

So far our FLR is absolutely 24/7. It is definitely fun. It is also a lot of work and the sexual side is really only a small part of it, at least with our FLR.

[Debbie Denier]

It would be nice to try. But doubt it will ever happen as wife indecisive and more submissive than me. Before I married I had a relationship with a girl that took the lead in sex. It was very exciting at the time but didn?t work out. Would love to have had a relationship with a CD accepting girl.It would be a dream come true shopping,sharing and dressing. Would be happy for a female lead dressing friendship but unlikely to happen.

[Paulie Birmingham]

i have to be dominant at work. i have coached, instructed and led many kid and adult activities. i usually take the lead in our play time. ive asked my wife to take the lead more, but alas its just not her thing. so i continue being the dominant one in our relationship.

ps. she did suggest i visit a dominatrix for fun.

[Heather76]

I'm really not certain if ours is a FLR or not. I would say it is 75% so. My wife is infinitely more organized than I could ever hope to be. When we are interested in doing something, it is she that thinks ahead to any conflicts that might arise. When buying our homes (we purchased several in our 38 years of marriage) she has always had the final say. This is likely because I can live most anywhere but want her to be 100% happy. With rare exception, she has the final word on decorating. In our present home, I chose the color and hardware for the guest bathroom (which I use) and she will have chosen the colors for the other 7 rooms. I chose the fence location for our backyard (style is dictated by our HOA). I generally do all the contacting of contractors, etc. as she doesn't want to be bothered with that chore. A home we purchased in 1994 was an adventure. She knew where my preferences lied. She went to about 50 open houses over a several month period of time. She took me to 3 or 4 of them. From there we made the decision which house to buy. It was, like our present home, a joint decision. But, she took the lead in scouting them out. Cars - she buys her car and I buy mine. Our social calendar, other than when I'm playing golf, is 100% driven by her. I'm not a particularly social person and it takes her making plans with others to get me out.

Our sex life, when we had one, was pretty much a mutual venture. Our lack of one now is definitely led by her. But, in all fairness, it is the result of physical issues she has and sex is not at all comfortable for her. If I had to guess, the last 12 years of a sexless marriage (with NEVER a complaint from me and NEVER a thought of infidelity) is likely one of the reasons she is as accepting of my CDing as she is.

We talk about our finances when necessary and make joint decisions regarding it. I do the research regarding investments as I'm more knowledgeable in this area; but, we do make joint decisions in this area. I pay the bills, balance bank statements, etc. because after a lifetime as a bookkeeper she simply doesn't want to do that kind of thing. I also have a strong background in finance so it's no big deal for me.

Anyway, in the final analysis, I do believe she is more in charge than I am; but, if I had a major objection to something she would consider it and probably acquiesce. Regardless, I WANT her more in charge and could happily live with her being 100% in charge provided I had the leeway to CD when and where I wanted (within the boundaries of not embarrassing her) and could play golf when our group wants (generally twice/week at most). I'm low maintenance and don't require a lot to be happy.

[NancyJ]

Thank you, Kitty, for your thoughtful comments on this topic. And it is nice to see other girls sharing thoughts as well. I do think that wives lead in many marriages without it being formalized. For us, acknowledging that she is in charge of the house, assigns the chores (which I enjoy completing to her standards), has authority over my crossdressing, and is in charge in the bedroom is something that I want (it just takes the guesswork out of it among other things). I asked her for this, and after much conversation, she agreed. So, I agree that this has come as a result of and because of a mature marriage and good communication. This is not about kink, it is about devotion and a choice to submit. No one else knows, needs to know, or is involved. But we both see this when we are with other couples: we are often the most connected couple, and other wives often comment how well I take care of and am attentive to her. If they only knew that I was wearing panties approved of by her. Nancy