We're an almost four. My wife asked me not to transition, but that's the only restriction. She has been out with me once, but I've hardly been out myself. I don't know if she'd be okay if I was more open with our friends. Probably, but that's been too much for me, so I've never asked.
Dana
I was secretly hoping this was some sort of improv thread...
...anyway, I'm finding my relationship to be somewhere in the 3-4 range. Wife is fully accepting, but neither of us have any plans for going out in public and there is also not really a desire from either party to fully transition. She has told me she's not attracted to women, but she still tells me she's attracted to me when I'm dressed so...idk. If she weren't around would I consider it? Not sure...but she's the most important person in my life and I'm not really pressed to leave the closet in such a way. Times are a-changing, though, and younger generations (which, we're in our late 30s, early 40s respectively, but trend younger idealistically) are more accepting of gender fluidity and whatnot I've found. For the time being I am perfectly happy with the arrangement we have and as far as I can tell so is she.
No, because------Assuming we r "mostly with partners" is very presumptive of u, Gale!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I do realise that you and several others are on your own, doc. Seems a shame, somehow, but then again, freedom to choose one's own thing is a blessing in itself. Thanks for your comment.
I wonder how many members envy those who don't have to answer, or explain anything to a significant other?
Last edited by GaleWarning; 06-06-2022 at 09:35 PM.
Definitey a 2 here. We dont discuss this topic. When we have in the past it usually ended with her just shutting down and staring at me. I wish it were better and have considered making another run at the topic lately.
OK, I'll play. My wife is accepting and will go out with me. However, when I have been local, near to our neighborhood in DC, she does not go as she realizes if someone sees her with me the will realize that is me CDing and she doesn't want that. So solidly a 3.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
My wife and I have been married over 38 years. I started cross dressing 2 years ago this month. It took me 5 months to tell her. We were in category 2 for about 15 months. We are now in category 3 and will likely remain there. My wife does not participate. Aside from "not embarrassing my wife" the only boundary currently is she does not want to see me with makeup applied. I am hopeful that boundary will be removed. I don't see her ever helping Heather or going out with her. But, that's fine with me. I am also hopeful that should I ever go out dressed, it will be where there is zero chance of meeting anyone that knows me and she won't have an issue with that.
It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.
I hate categories and labels.
Everything is a gradient and different for everyone.
My gradient is full acceptance and understanding and it's made our love grow every day.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Most certainly number 2 for me. She knows but that's it. No bending the rules and more than likely, there will never be.
Pink is more than a color: its an attitude!
Number 4 hits me big time, I have had a GF for about5 years, 3yrs ago , and pre Covid i told here i dressed and all was well we went out shopping and restaurents then slowly things change, "your boobs are too big, your pants are too short,(over here the fashion is for ankle length pants) visiting one day with an bove the knee black leather skirt to be met with "what have you got that on I hate leather skirts " I could go on but it would take a long time to explain it all but suffice to say this last week has been the straw that broke the camels back and next week i will be telling her "that's it i have had enough"
Not exactly a bed of roses and not what i envisaged would turn out to be like it has, many aspects of dressing she previously seemed to accept are now not acceptable and seeing as we are not married we are free to go our ways which is what i will be doing.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
I guess it would be #4, but it's more. My best friend in school was the one that opened my eyes. She not only supported it but she encouraged it. We've been married for 30 years now. Have a daughter. Served 20 years in the military. I own nothing but women's clothes. And have since we've been married. A side from my dress uniforms when I served. Everyone knows. And no I don't live in some forward think big city. I live in the country in the middle of the bible belt. And we even go to church ourselves. If someone says something my wife and/or daughter will say something quicker than I do. I was lucky. I feel bad for people who have no support. Don't let it discourage you. You are not doing anything wrong. Everyone has the right to to be who they want to be. And wear what they want to wear. There will always be people who think you should dress and act the way they want you to. And those people will never accept you for you.
My partner of four years and I are a 4. We initially met online and I told her about my dressing and "gender stuff" before we met in person. We've gone out together on several occasions, although not much since COVID. She is very supportive and we have people in our lives who know and are fine with it, but we are discreet since not EVERYONE knows. It has been working very well for us!!
Last edited by NatalieR; 06-08-2022 at 02:04 PM.
First you of all I am impressed by the average score of this answers! Very encouraging.
My relationship is a 4+. Telling her at the very beginning was fundamental to this outcome.
Other than making sure that she would stick with me even if I transitioned, she is the one giving me heels and scheduling makeovers? a dream come through as I frequently tell her.
Not quite 4 but nearly. Fully accepting but keep it at home.
My relationship is also a 4+ because I revealed my interest in CDing shortly after we met. My wife is totally accepting of Teresa. No restrictions.
We enjoy our time together as "girl friends" with frequent outings to dine, grocery shopping, movies, even vacations frequently.
I am surely one of the luckiest strait cross dressers on the planet.
Last edited by Teresa.Smith.VA; 06-09-2022 at 10:44 AM. Reason: One word change.
I honor my wife's request that I not post pictures.
We are sitting side by side drinking our morning coffee just after I transformed to Tina. We were just talking about the differences of morning vs. Daytime clothes/makeup. Our connection has aspects of 3 and 4. Tina is fully supported. Anything can and is ducussed! The 'but' is that everyone has perspectives, but the limitations on Tina are tiny.
I think that the fact there are so many people in relationships which are either a 3 or a 4 is a great testimony to the success of this forum in enabling so many of us to understand our situations and grow! This makes me happy.
As I was driving home from work I called my wife, which I tend to do daily. I told her about the post I had made above that rated our relationship a 4+, which is the highest rating. She told me that describing our marriage so positively and so kindly was a wonderful compliment to her. We chatted about it for a few minutes. Just as we were ready to end the call she said, "Hurry home. I have a surprise for you."
Once home she greeted me with a quick peck on the cheek and a hug. Of course, I asked her about her surprise. She took my hand and led the way to our bedroom. As we entered the room, I could see that she had selected a pair of white summer capris pants, sandals, a cute cotton top, along with my panties, bra, forms, etc. all laid out neatly on our bed.
I put my arms around her as she announced that she wants me to enjoy being Teresa full time for the next three days. I asked her what she had in mind. She replied, "Let’s just enjoy being girls. We will do what we always do on three-day weekends, but we will just do it as girls. OK?"
Now, I would like to make a small change to my original comment and rating above. I would like to add that my wife's acceptance of my need to be Teresa is clearly a "Yes", 4+++++++.
It just doesn’t get any better than that!
I honor my wife's request that I not post pictures.
Definite 3, I can dress all the time around the house and at the holiday home, but I must not go out dressed local or seen dressed by neighbours. I can go out on my own overnight about 40 miles away to my seaside LGBT community , I go shopping dressed during the day, then clubs and pubs at night, and if Im going there I can leave the house dressed in the car straight out of the garage with no wig on and a top coat covering my clothes and big sunglasses on to cover my eye makeup, once down the road 4 or 5 miles I can stop and put my wig on etc. reverse coming home the next day straight into the garage. and those are the rules I stick by.
This is a bit weird for me. So, I told my wife after we'd been dating for a few months. I had a pretty good idea I wanted to marry her, but I wasn't going to do so if she wasn't accepting. At the time, I really just wore pantyhose. That was my thing. She accepted it, even embraced it. A couple of days later, she bought me pantyhose as a surprise! Fast forward; we'd been married ~5 years, and I decide I want some heels. I end up getting two pairs, get some skirts, and a blouse. I was in heaven! I then decide I want to go to a CD support group. In the week leading up to the meeting, I was dressing every night after the (very little) kids had gone to bed. A week after this, my wife gives me a letter. It wasn't an ultimatum, and divorce was never mentioned. But, she made it clear in the letter that she was overwhelmed, and couldn't handle it anymore. She expressed that what started out as pantyhose only (which she could accept) had dramatically morphed. Her point was absolutely valid. Yet, I felt badly betrayed. I went into a defensive DADT arrangement of my own doing. I didn't want to confront her, I didn't want to cause an argument, I figured I'd stumbled into a bad situation that I wasn't going to undo. I'd tried to avoid this, being upfront, but hadn't avoided it because I went too far. Things stayed this way four a couple of years. I dressed on the rare occasion when I was alone for a bit. It sometimes felt like it was barely enough. The ice on this situation began to thaw, and eventually we worked through it and got out of the DADT situation. I was very thankful, and also a lot more wary of overwhelming my wife. I remain so to this day, always worried I'm going to go too far, or dress too often.
Now, ~15 years on, we're in a sort of inverse situation. My wife would be ok with me being out to the kids (I'm not), and would be ok with me being in public (I'm trying to get there, bit by bit). I do go out for walks at night around the neighborhood in shorts and pantyhose, with her along. My wife has a more cavalier approach to it now, and doesn't even hint at being overwhelmed. This week our kids have been away, and I've taken full advantage of it, crossdressing every evening, sleeping in my new nightgown (see thread in the Clothing... forum that I started about nightgown help if you're curious), and not wearing any male underwear at all this week. I'm in heels, skirt, pantyhose, and top as I type. My wife gave me a wonderful, loving kiss a while back as she went by. I've occasionally queried her this week if it is all too much, and she keeps assuring me all is fine and if it is too much she'll let me know. She knows I want to be out in public to get out of the cage I'm almost always in at home due to the kids, and encourages me doing so. Hasn't fully happened yet. I have more trepidations than she does.
So, we're clearly a 3...but really because of rules that I place on myself. I think my wife is more in 4 territory, though she doesn't overtly encourage me to crossdress. I'm envious of those of us who have wives that set out clothes for them, take them for mani/pedis, do makeovers, etc. But, that envy doesn't mean I'm anything other than 100% appreciative of my wife (and she knows it!). She has on occasion bought things for me (skirts, heels, pantyhose) without prompting from me, would be ok with the kids knowing, and would be perfectly fine being in public with me crossdressed. For my part, I don't want the kids to know (age old military 'need to know', and no benefit to them knowing, at least for now), and I don't want to be seen in public by anyone I know, most especially anyone from my office.
I have no interest in transitioning. I like being a guy, and don't want to drop that. I can imagine being crossdressed for days on end without feeling a need to present as a guy. But, I've never done that. Even if I did stay 100% en femme for a month, I still wouldn't want to transition. That's not in me.
I agree with you Bobbi. Life is too short to have an unaccepting partner. I feel for those in the forum who are married and in unaccepting situations. There's obvious matters of priority in such situations. But, if someone is in a situation as yours (not married) I'd say be done with it and move on if the lady in question is not willing to come around to it. This is where I was before I married my wife. I'd been in a long term relationship with a woman who was clearly unaccepting, and I'd had it dealing with that. We broke up for a variety of reasons, none of which had to do with CDing. But, I'm glad we did because I was sick of having an unaccepting partner. Ok it might mean you're alone, and that stinks, but I'd rather be alone than have someone who hated me for crossdressing.Originally Posted by Bobbi46
There's likely some selection bias, but I agree it is very heartening to see how many people are in 3/4 situations. I think as time goes on society becomes more accepting, and women in relationships become more accepting. If this were 100 years ago, it'd probably be 80% 1, 15% 2, and maybe 5% 3, with barely any at a 4. Times change.I think that the fact there are so many people in relationships which are either a 3 or a 4 is a great testimony to the success of this forum in enabling so many of us to understand our situations and grow! This makes me happy.
While I was married, 3. Any costume party or Halloween time was fine, dressing at other times was unpopular and several times she threw away lingerie I had.
I have a boyfriend and it's been #4 for us since the beginning of our wonderful relationship. He couldn't be more accepting, supportive and encouraging of my dressing although I'm still closeted at this point given that my entire wardrobe is lingerie (aside from 2 dresses) and I don't really have a specific desire to be dressed in public. We're very much in love and my boyfriend has always said it's unconditional and thus there have never been any restrictions on my dressing, excluding of course my own personal restrictions in deciding to stay closeted. He wants me to do whatever makes me happy. During the day I'm in male mode, at bedtime I'm either in satin pjs or romantic lingerie and I'm very much in the girlfriend role.
I think there should be a 5 where your partner almost insists on you being dressed as in my case.
Done.
#5. Yes, yes, yes! for those whose SOs insist that they (almost) always be attired in female clothing.
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