Felt like sharing in a "safe space"...been a minute since I've been on the forums. For clarity sake I'm pretty much just throwing this out here to get it out of my system/head, so thank you all for humoring me in advance.

So I got to be "Becca" a couple of weeks ago with my wife while our child was staying the night at a grandparent's house...it was the first time I'd been able to be her, around her, makeup and all, in probably 6+ months. Positives/negatives of having a kid and being 95% closeted is 100% related to how frequently the kid is out of the house...so as summer vacation loomed and my WFH off camera en femme days were numbered, being able to be fully Becca for almost 10 hours was amazing

I generally don't do makeup for the obvious reasons...but I do think my skills are improving. It's amusing because my wife says I "need practice", but she has also openly noted that me dressing up doesn't really do anything for her. I appreciate that she's given me leeway to explore that side of myself...and I do generally consider myself to be more "fluid" than simply a crossdresser (not intending to offend anyone with that, btw...no malice implied).

You may have noticed I put "Becca" in quotes...I've been growing a little conflicted about it, and I frankly don't know if I like it but...like...it wasn't given to me or anything, so I could always change it. At the same time, I'm not in love with my given name either and have pretty much spent my entire life just accepting that that is my name. With my wife being generally laissez faire about the whole of it, the idea of trying to involve her in naming my femme persona (even though it's kind of what I would want) is incredibly daunting...especially so since she "isn't into it" and would probably err on the side of calling me by my actual name anyway. Perhaps this is a bridge I'll cross next time we're allowed a childless evening...but I wouldn't even know how to start the conversation. I am incredibly timid (I guess from being deep in the closet?) when femme...so the whole thing feels like an incredibly uphill battle. She had asked me once if I had a name for "her" and I lied and told her no (to this day, the only remaining lie on this front...baby steps, I suppose). I have shared before (granted I've been MIA for over a year) that she is incredibly supportive and non-judgemental...it's just a me thing.

Anyway...again, thank you for humoring me. Hope you're all having a fantastic day. Apologies in advance to the mods if I've accidentally word-vomited in an incorrect place...I've had a tendency to skim rules and get in trouble in the past :\