Purged and missing my time dressed

[Jeanettew]

It is Some 18 months since I retired and at that time when returning on my last business trip away i purged all of my female cloths stopping at a Salvo shop and putting everything I had in one of their bins, hoping that someone else would enjoy my many dresses, skirts and shoes plus everything else,

Through my retirement being home with the family i knew it would be very hard to enjoy my dressing something I loved and I miss the feeling and look being dressed, I still visit this site and look at everyone else's journey and I still search looking at dresses ect and dream of wearing them hopefully one day I will get to do it again

[Kris Burton]

A pity you purged, 'cos it sounds to me like you want to return. Even still, what 's stopping you? Perhaps some creativity, and honesty with the fam, can bring you back to the fold.

[Maria 60]

I was always thinking that when i retire I will have more time to dress, I do for the life of me enjoy having my grandchildren around but I did reevaluate that I will not have much time as I thought. I would want to help out my children with there children and that will require a lot of time. I don't plan on purging because I did it once and I lost some in replaceable items. I guess we are going to have to get creative and find some way around the busy schedule.

[Kitty Sue]

Hi Jeanett my last purge was about 8 years ago. Have not bought anything since then. So you are not alone. However, I do wear some of my wife's leggings and panties every now and then. I have not dressed up to the 9s in years. Mainly because we have small children and I am not ready for them to see me dressed. Perhaps when they are adults I will explain it to them.
I know it's not the same as dressing but I get great pleasure from doing housework, as it is considered a "women's job" in our chauvinistic society. When cleaning I can slip on panties and a bra beneath my clothes and go to town with a vacuum and glass cleaner! The feminine feelings I enjoy are not to dissimilar to when I dress. Although, I find dressing enfemme more erotic than running a Swiffer.

[kimdl93]

Very sorry to hear you have tossed away so much. But these are just things. You can buy more things. The question is whether you can find the opportunity to wear new things

[Helen_Highwater]

I retired a while ago, my SO retired about 18 months later. At the time I had great concerns that my dressing would be seriously curtailed.

However, as I write this my SO is out at an aqua exercise class. I've got an hour and 45 home alone and I'm in a skirt, hose, bra, forms and tee. Tomorrow I'll get two and a half hours to myself. Same Thursday. Saturday even more time.

OK, if dressing for you means going the whole nine yards with makeup etc then life might prove difficult. For me however just being in femme attire floats my boat sufficiently and helps meet my needs.

Retirement doesn't necessarily mean your dressing has to stop. In fact, there's rarely a day goes by were I'm not dressed in some femme attire, unusual a skirt, for at least a couple of hours. Where theres a will ( no, not that there's a dead person!) there's a way. You learn to work with what you've got. Adapt to the circumstances.

[Debbie Denier]

Agree with Helen . Adapt is the answer. The dressing without make up would also satisfy my fix.

[GretchenM]

I agree with Helen and Debbie. The either/or choice can work, but doesn't very often. This is not a hobby like building ships in bottles. This almost always is an expression of some aspect of your sense of who you are. Negotiating compromises is much better than trying to just throw away an important part of who are because that leaves a hole in your life that is really hard to fill.

That said, most of us have purged at least once and it probably worked for awhile. And then it didn't. Gently come clean with your wife, seek counseling, both of you try to understand what is going on without prejudice. It will take awhile and is risky, but in the end if it works it can be a beautiful thing for both of you. You may never be able to share it fully with her, but there are many, many ways to still fit it into your life with her knowing but not participating. Even after 53 years of marriage we do not share everything but we keep few secrets that have any significance.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i know how you feel Janette while i haven't purged; due to family and other issues
i haven't dressed in 3 years and still miss it.

[Stephanie47]

From your post I could not discern whether your extended family lives with you and your wife. I can understand trying to toss too many balls at once to make it work. My wife and I are fully retired. Covid had totally torpedoed any extended time to engage in a little femme time. My wife and I sleep apart which allows me the time to sleep in a nightgown, bra and panty, and/or full slip. I have not been able to don heels and hose, dress and wig since New Year's Eve of 2019-2020, when my wife would babysit our grandson away from our home. The Covid came.

I can understand your pain. I get no satisfaction grabbing at "crumbs of time," like when my wife is out for several hours. There are 24+ Xerox boxes of fem garments sitting untouched for too many years. I feel your pain. I do not know if you and your wife could negotiate some private time, or, it's a non-starter, period. Maybe, it is better to try to go "cold turkey" rather than keeping a reminder in the back of the closet, gnawing at you constantly. I pray, it works out.

[Claire M]

I feel your pain Jeanette. Pre-COVID, both my wife and I were still working. My work schedule allwed me at least one day every week for "Claire-time". I had several trans/CD freinds to socialize with. Since 2019, we did the pandemic, both my wife and I retired, and we moved cross country to be closer to family. Because my wife and I are together pretty much 24/7, I get few crumbs of "Claire-time". I purged most of my wardrobe as part of the move. Finding comfortable shopping venues and new friends in a new place would have been difficult but COVID compounded that significantly. These days I underdress some when I can and occassionally an overnight when my wife goes to help out our daughter.

Sometimes I ponder all this and wonder if its worth trying to basically start over.

[docrobbysherry]

Purging is a lot like gym memberships and diets.

They sound like good ideas at the time. But, inevitably in the end? That aren't!