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Thread: My story

  1. #1
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    My story

    Well, I'll probably bore folks and hit some nerves, but as I am opening my female side, I'm finding I want to open myself up in more ways, so here is my story of where I am and how I got here.
    I'm older, 61 but don't usually get pegged for that. I'm married and have a wonderful marriage, but haven't reviewed this side to my wife yet as she wouldn't understand based on conversations about other family members who have turned out Trans. For now I keep this dressing and being Roxie to my business trips. It was on a long business trip last month that I actually started dressing all the way.
    So I am fairly new to this and learning more about myself as I go through this. I really don't know what possessed me to suddenly jump into dressing. The urges have been there all my life, I'll get to that shortly, but it really was out of the blue I bought a skirt top, and bra and jumped onto dressing.
    When I was born, my older sister wanted a sister and gave me a girls name the first day I was in this world. My folks thought this was cute and repeated the story all my life. When I was still a toddler my sister would dress me in a skirt, blouse and Shirly Temple wig to play with her. Again my folks thought it was cute. I can remember even through elementary school, being given my sister's hand me downs to wear, mainly her pajamas. I'm beginning to see a trend here.
    In junior high my mom took over a dress shop/beauty shop in town. We helped around and I got to check out the girls clothes all the time. I even began wondering about wearing them then. I did get the opportunity to sneak in some when I was at the store alone going as far as putting on the maniquene's wig while wearing clothes. My Dad was beginning to wonder about me and had joked that when I came on the football field in High School it would be leading the band not playing. I ended up playing football and was quite good as a defensive tackle despite my smaller size, was starting at 5'11" and 185 lbs.
    It was during this time I got my first shot at dressing all the way. We had a fundraiser for the athletics booster club that the whole football team was "encouraged " to participate in. They held a womanless beauty revues. I got a nice gown from my moms shop, an awful looking wig and was made up to look like a hooked, but it was my first time. It was both fun, and awful. Because the event was looked as a joke it just didn't feel right.
    I never did anything for years after that other than the occasional wearing of panties. For some reason the last year or so, the thought of dressing has run through my mind but nothing came of it until a month ago.
    I was on a business trip, and my bag was delayed and had to be delivered to my hotel the day after I flew in. As I was working that evening and had tot go in before my bag arrived, I went to pick up a few things at Walmart. For some reason while I did thT I grabbed panties, a bra, top and skirt. I was finally starting down a path that opened up a whole new side of me.
    I eventually bought a wig and breast forms, and some dresses and shoes and a clutch. I was enjoying dressing up in my hotel room that week. I was home for a week then back for a couple more weeks and added makeup and nails to the collection. I was letting dressing and being Roxie take some of the stress of working so much off. I was loving being Roxie. My first trip out was a quick run to Walmart to pick up a few things. I went out a couple of times just driving around and was petrified of meting discovered.
    My last night of the trip I was determined to enjoy. I dressed real casual, I had a khaki cargo pocket skirt that hit just above k eyes on with an aqua men's fishing shirt with panties, bra, thigh high stockings,, and wig and makeup with gel nails on. It was a good look and I toned down the makeup and went with more neutral colors. I went for an early dinner at my favorite steakhouse there. The wait staff and manager had remembered me when I was there so much as a man that I was afraid they would make me, but they didn't act like it. The waiter called me hin and treated me very politely. After dinner I went into the mall and went I to 3 different women's stores just doing some window shopping. I was in heaven when I got back and Wes really dreading letting it all go to come back home. I can't wait for my next business trip to be able to dress again and be Roxie again.

  2. #2
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    RoxieChristine, welcome to the forum! You're definitely in the right place.

    I'm sorry it's likely your wife won't be accepting. Consider though; if you have a stash, and you happen to die before she does....what will she think when she finds a stash of women's clothes that aren't hers? You might want to consider that. If you can't bring up the subject with your wife (and I perfectly understand if you can't), you might consider writing a letter and leaving it with the clothes in the event they are discovered in such a way. It would explain things, rather than leaving enormous questions unanswered.

    Another thing you should probably consider; what do you do when you retire? I know, not the easiest of questions.

    It's not at all uncommon for crossdressers to try to take on stereotypical macho roles, to somehow prove to ourselves we're really men. Many of us (me included) join the military. You played football, at a position where you get to maul people all the time. I'm not surprised

    It's an interesting observation about the womanless beauty revue. It probably seemed like this incredible opportunity, yet it was the opposite; being ridiculed for something that initially made you feel so much more complete.

  3. #3
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    JulieC, thank you so much for the kind response. I've considered the finding of my stash and have considered the letter option. I think I may do that. Two things that may help things. My wife knows of my past involvement in BDSM and some kinks, but not the crossdressing. Second my walkin closet is separate from hers and we don't go into each other's closet, so little chance of an accidental discovery.

    I apologize to everyone for the typos in my original post. I was fighting a migraine at the time and wasn't paying attention. Sorry

  4. #4
    Loving my femme side tifftg's Avatar
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    Roxie,

    Welcome to the group and thanks for sharing. I know I had many nights in hotel rooms dressed as Tiffany and it was wonderful to explore. Each step of the journey has its bumps and highs. Think about if you want to share more with your wife, (your call) mine finally found out after 25 years of my very successful hiding and then a slip up. We are still together but it is strained by the many years of not being honest. Since you are just beginning to dip your toe in you may have an opportunity. I know you did not ask for advice but rather were just sharing.

    Hope we hear more about your adventures. When you get to 10 posts that opens the door to photos and you can see many of us on the road.

    Tiffany

  5. #5
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Thanks Tiffany, working on my post count some 😉 well actually I do appreciate all the advice. I know I have alot to learn. I wish I could bring it up with my wife. She was cool with my sexual explorations when we first married, but she has gotten more conservative as our marriage has grown. We have had a sexless marriage for the last 10 years. I love seeing some of the stories about folks out with their wives here. I wish that could be me, but doubt it will ever happen. My wife isn't into fashion or shopping anyway. What I want as Roxie is so different from her anyway.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Hi Roxie - and welcome to the forum. I'm a late bloomer too, having had absolutely no crossdressing experiences as a child or teen...the thought didn't even enter my mind. it wasn't until shortly before my marriage that i took an interest in my wife's clothing, and how wonderful she looked in them. I tried it myself at that point, age 28. I dabbled a bit at that time, but buried the whole thing in my psyche soon after, finally giving in last summer - at age 69. There is no way I'm turning back now, I am a confirmed CDer.

    The upside to all of this is I managed to escape the guilt and shame so many experienced as young people with a crossdressing proclivity. It was however quite stressful for the short period of time I was hiding this from my wife. I decided to bite the bullet and come out after just a few weeks of this, and I am so glad I did not sell my wife short. After a few rather tense days, she is now fully accepting and even participatory up to a point. So it can work out, even if it seems difficult right now. And maybe most of all, realize you are not alone here by any stretch.

    Looking very forward to hearing from you as you continue your journey. Don't be afraid to reach out when you can.

  7. #7
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    One thing I keep coming back to in my head is why did this suddenly spring into being so quickly. Granted I had a background and desire from early, but other than wearing panties in place of my men's underwear, I really didn't have a desire to be truly feminine till now. I didn't even go to the store planning to buy women's cloths, well panties may have been on the list, but not a bra or skirt much less the blouse. I have no clue what pushed me to that. It wasn't until I had the breast forms and wig that I really felt feminine and really desired that.it has been a real liberating experience and I'm glad it happened, but still don't understand it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Would it really be helpful to understand it fully? If you feel the need, a counselor might help you with that, but if you find it satisfying and liberating I think that might be enough. I just know that since I began, I have not felt so good psychologically in years.

  9. #9
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Thanks for the encouragement Kris, being a late bloomer does make it slightly difficult for me. I don't want to "dress my age" much. I prefer cuter styles made for younger girls. I dress more like I'm in my 30s than 60s. Even before I started dressing, it has been hard for me to accept my age 😀

  10. #10
    Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Roxie, Like you I traveled often during my business career and always took the opportunity to dress whenever I could. After decades of just having an interest in lingerie only, I started dressing more completely about 6 months ago and going out in public 3 months ago. As for the reasons and psychological factors as to why we dress, I don't really care at this point. All I know is that I am extremely comfortable and happy when I present as a woman. It is such a wonderful feeling to finally let the feminine side of one's self emerge after being hidden or suppressed for so long. That seems to be where you are now at and I have to tell you that it is very addictive. Once the genie is out of the bottle you cannot put it back. Just enjoy as much as possible.

    As to your domestic situation there are many gals here who are in similar situations and are better qualified to advise you than I am. This is a very welcoming group as you will soon discover.
    YOLO

  11. #11
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm not really looking for a detailed reason for why it suddenly came up. I can think of a few. I just find it interesting that without planning or working up to it I suddenly started fully dressing and going out in a period of a few weeks. It is the engineer in me that wants to understand why. I'm a tester by profession and always try to find the reason things happen, it just spills over into everything, LOL. I really don't "need" a reason, I am just enjoying it now. I really haven't felt freer since I've done this. It lets me explore parts of myself I haven't really realized were there and just helps me to be more understanding of myself. It has also made me focus on females more to observe their mannerisms and dress. I watch women much differently than in the past now I've noticed. And there is nothing sexual about it.
    Just starting and lots to learn. Enjoying letting my girl out.

  12. #12
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    I think for many we might tend to gravitate towards younger styles, even teenager styles. It's kinda like we never had the chance to explore the fashion choices of young women. A year ago I had a strong desire to get a pair of patent pink heels. I didn't, but I really wanted them. I saw them in a store, and just melted. Totally inappropriate for someone my age But, there's no fashion police, so who cares?

    I don't think you're going to find any easy answers for the "why". It just is. For many of us (all?), it's just who we are. Maybe it was buried under lots of things, repressed, etc. But, it's who we are. I know that's the case with me.

  13. #13
    Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    Welcome aboard and all I can say is enjoy your other self.

    Finding contentment with your female self I assure you makes you a much happier person. Don't fight, as far as you can, embrace.

    Sue.

  14. #14
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    I really miss business trips! Spoiler alert! Do not keep reading if you do not want to hear what is going to happen very very soon! At 61 you have like 4 years of business trips left. If that. And then you will be stuck at home with you unknowing spouse and the party will be over. Hide the clothes in the attic or purge them. Not fun! Trust me!

    Ohhh, And welcome to the fray! I was not bored or nervous. Lol.

  15. #15
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Karen, thanks for the reminder 😉 currently planning to work closer to 70, but do expect the trips to slow down some. Been averaging about 100 nights away for the last 5 years. Plus it does help the wife loves to travel and dogsit. She is about to be gone for 2 weeks next month. And she is 13 years younger so she won't be slowing down as fast 😉. Joke with our friends here is.that it is rare when we are both in town together. I plan to take advantage of it as much as possible before I have to slow down.
    There is some regret that I never attempted dressing when I was younger. During the time I was into BDSM I didn't have family to worry about and looked alot better, all the traveling lately has added the pounds. If my wife had met me then things might have been different. But you can't live in the past and have to live life in the here and now. I'll take what I can and enjoy it in the meantime.
    It is really awesome to have a supportive community like this where I can just be open and tLk about these things.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Oh, Roxie, so many parallels. I'm 76 and 12 1/2 years older than my wife of 38 years. I didn't start crossdressing until 2 years ago this month. We have been in a sexless marriage for 12 years (due to a physical issue affecting my wife). It took me 5 months to come out of the closet to my wife. At the time, all I was doing was wearing panties. She wasn't thrilled about it. Like your wife, she has become more conservative as she's gotten older. I moved on to nighties and stockings. I purchased my first bras and dresses last August. Each step along the way I gently introduced the new me to my wife by leaving my clothing where she would likely see it. She is not supportive and doesn't participate; but, she is accepting. Tonight, about 8 pm I went off to my separate closet, changed clothes, and returned to the family room in bra, forms, panties, thigh highs, and a dress. She and I watched TV together until she went to bed at 10:30. When I go to bed, I will change from the dress to a nightie. But, like I've done 95% 0f the time since January 1st, I will be wearing the bra, farms, thigh highs, and panties to bed with the nightie. She has gone from not wanting to see me in panties 2 years ago to now not wanting to see me with makeup on. The point of all this is there is hope your wife will loosen up more than you might think is possible. But, that really can't happen if you don't initiate some dialogue. Truth be told, I believe my wife's acceptance is partly due to her feeling a bit poorly about not being able to comfortably engage in intimate contact. I promise I have never given her any reason to feel badly about it as we all understand things happen to the human body as it ages. I also suspect she loves the fact I love her so much that cheating has never entered my mind. She is much too wonderful of a woman and partner to dishonor her in that way.

    I wish you good luck and hope you will consider the upside of telling your wife rather than just the downside.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  17. #17
    Member Read only MiniRock's Avatar
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    Hello Roxie,
    Just one observation: we can look younger than we are when we put on makeup and wig. So the nicer clothes don't look so incongruous.
    Mini

  18. #18
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum Roxie

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