Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Setback

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    906

    Setback

    Just needed to share my most recent failure to make progress.

    Lately, I'd begun to believe that my lovely wife was slightly loosening up on her hard-line boundaries when it comes to my dressing.

    Apparently, I was wrong.

    A while ago, she brought out a pair of sandals she had, saying that they didn't fit right and she was going to donate them - unless I wanted them. Well, they do look nice and I definitely did want them. So - she donated them to me, but commented that they were "pretty feminine" and I shouldn't be wearing them out anywhere. That was fine with me, and I reserved them for trips into the back yard or the shop area in the garage.

    Well - yesterday was one such occasion, but I didn't immediately take them back off when I came back inside. I was dressed fully drab on the outside EXCEPT for the sandals, and I made the comment that I'd found a use for them.

    Her immediate response was "They're freaking me out." So, of course, I took them off in respect for her feelings.

    But let me say this:
    I can hang around the house in things like a short pink nightie, fuzzy bathrobe, and slippers without any issue at all.
    But if I wear a these sandals with regular male clothes - even for only a couple minutes, it freaks her out?

    I just don't get it.

    I guess it's a reminder that the boundary walls of what she's willing to put up with, haven't moved at all.
    <sigh>

  2. #2
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    10,358
    SaraLin, I'm sorry that your wife freaked about the sandals. Perhaps your wife sees the dressing as binary (either male or female) and doesn't want the male side working in the yard wearing female clothing/shoes. Also, perhaps you were outside where she feared you would be seen by others.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  3. #3
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Going to seed!
    Posts
    22,213
    Its impossible see someone else's imaginary walls, but so easy to stumble into them.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    8,427
    SaraLin, Sorry to hear this but I think it is not unusual for our wives to change their minds, sometimes from day to day.
    Hopefully tomorrow is another day and things swing back some. We are so fortunate to have this site to share and support each other.
    Good luck girl!!
    Crissy

  5. #5
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    NEPA
    Posts
    9,697
    It could be the contrast between the "pretty feminine" sandals and the otherwise male clothing was the trigger. The dichotomy might have been hard to handle.
    Try reserving them for when you wear something else a bit more feminine like crop pants or something.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    13,314
    Hey, if my wife accepted me wearing a pink nightie around the house, I'd be jumping for joy. Sounds like she does not want you to mix the clothing; it's either male or female. The temperatures are warm in Florida. Wear them with your pink nightie while sipping your morning coffee on the back patio.

  7. #7
    Stockings and heels girl Linda Stockings's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    261
    The only other thing I could offer is that maybe she just doesn't like those sandals and doesn't like seeing them.... anywhere, even on you. It seems like it could be she's just changed her mind...as suggested in the other responses. We cd'ers get to change our minds; maybe we just need to be more understanding when our SO's change their minds?

  8. #8
    Member PaulaJeanette's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    282
    Since it appears these sandals are a trigger for her, the simple solution is to get rid of the sandals so as to not continually heighten her angst regarding your dressing.
    Love to wear matching bras, panties, and garter belts

  9. #9
    Stockings and heels girl Linda Stockings's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    261
    I also agree with that, PaulaJeanette.

    Thanks,
    Linda

  10. #10
    Member Marissa Q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2021
    Location
    SF Bay Area, CA (US)
    Posts
    214
    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    SaraLin, Sorry to hear this but I think it is not unusual for our wives to change their minds, sometimes from day to day.
    It's may not be a shifting change of mind; but it might bes a signal that the mind has remained unchanged and that the assumed spousal tolerance we hear of so often is barely concealed rage. Rose-colored glasses will only get you so far. YMMV.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,249
    I agree with PaulaJeanette also - I think its something about the sandals themselves. She was going to donate them and not see them again, and probably hoped, without saying so, not to see them again on you either. She also indicated that she didn't want you to wear them out anywhere - but even though you did not wear them out of your own premises, she still saw you with them on, and that's what she had trouble with.

    If you like the sandals you can keep them, just be sure you don't wear them around her at any time.

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Location
    Boston, MA.
    Posts
    83
    My ex-wife responded similarly at times, in this way.

    If I was all dressed up for a Halloween or costume party, she was OK. But if I mimicked any female mannerisms, like tossing my hair, she got upset.

    Apropos of this thread, if I wore a pair of fitted womens jeans, or a female shirt (ie buttons reversed) or any sort of footwear that was at all feminine, she tended to freak out. The idea of wearing a female costume was OK, but acting in a way that was feminine really felt threatening to her.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    906
    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Also, perhaps you were outside where she feared you would be seen by others.
    Not likely. This is the same woman who, when I realized I hadn't taken the trash out and was now in a nightie, said "So? If anyone sees you, they'll just think it's an ugly woman."
    Talk about your mixed messages...


    Quote Originally Posted by Cheryl T View Post
    Try reserving them for when you wear something else a bit more feminine like crop pants or something.
    Any "daytime" feminine wear that would be appropriate to wear sandals with - it strictly in the "H*** NO" category, and that would definitely include crop pants.
    Hmmm - maybe that's the problem. She sees the sandals as DAY wear, and thus beyond what's OK.
    Thank you for triggering that thought.


    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    Wear them with your pink nightie while sipping your morning coffee on the back patio.
    No back patio here - and the front porch is a little TOO public for that to ever be OK.


    And to the rest of you fine ladies who have taken the time to respond, I really do appreciate your thoughts and your support.
    Thank you one and all!

    BY THE WAY:
    The reason that I took the sandals out of the closet in the first place was so that I wouldn't have to keep dragging my regular "guy" pair back and forth between the front and back doors and forgetting where I left them. I guess I'll put them back into hiding and maybe get myself a pair of something "appropriate" for the backyard.
    Last edited by SaraLin; 06-24-2022 at 06:48 AM.

  14. #14
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    1,129
    I get it. Men wearing sandals (any sandals) freek me out too. Worse? socks with sandals.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,623
    I think it is the clash between male and female that upsets folks. They really want to see one side of the binary or the other.
    I'm sure I ran into this a short petite guy. I wasn't masculine enough to be on the guy side of the binary. This made it tough to socialize.
    But, having an hourglass figure, painted nails, and long hair makes it super easy to be on the feminine side.
    Because everything "matches" everyone at work seems OK, even those one might guess may have issues.

    Marion

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    906
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor186 View Post
    I get it. Men wearing sandals (any sandals) freek me out too. Worse? socks with sandals.
    Socks with sandals? <shudder> I'm not senile yet!
    The wife doesn't mind my male sandals - in fact, she's the one who encouraged me to get them.


    Quote Originally Posted by Maid_Marion View Post
    I think it is the clash between male and female that upsets folks. They really want to see one side of the binary or the other.
    Several of you have suggested this, and I thought "maybe", but then I realized that I can be dressed fully drab, but barefoot (we don't wear shoes in the house). If my feet get cold, I'll slip into my <fem> fuzzy slippers without any comments or complaints from my wife. So once again, I'm drawn back to the "day" vs. "night' wear theory.

    Yes, I could just ask her, but I know that I'll just only get the "just because" answer. She isn't the introspective type and doesn't stop to question her feelings. She just goes with them.

    I have put the offending sandals back in the closet.
    Last edited by SaraLin; 06-25-2022 at 06:34 AM. Reason: formatting and grammar

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State