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Thread: If you are from a bigoted place, how do you deal with your crossdressing?

  1. #1
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    If you are from a bigoted place, how do you deal with your crossdressing?

    I never went outside while dressed up personally. Or were you forced to move in pursuit of your passions? Where did you end up, if that's safe to tell?

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    I live in a very conservative area of the country. After almost two decades of thoughts and feelings, I just went for it. Started slow at home, then one day decided that I wanted more. This board and some smaller experiences really emboldened me to just go for it. I went and got gas, then I went to a grocery store, then I just eventually did whatever. It?s weird to think I was ever worried about it at all. Wear something that everyone else would wear, and I swear, no one even looks at you. I?m tall and never would?ve thought in a million years I?d pass. But I do, and it?s a pretty great feeling. Be you, and screw what anyone else thinks.

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Just about every place is bigoted to one degree or another.

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    I have traveled by car from Texas, through OK, KS, MO, IA and MN, stopped in small towns and big cities along the way. In all the trips I made, I never had an episode where I felt threatened or even uncomfortable. Certain people may have been bigoted, but they evidently chose to keep their opinions to themselves.

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    Being a child/youth of the 1960's my answer would be predicated on the era. Back in the 1960's you'd be lucky if you did not get a beat down; the ordinary guy on the street to the police. I live in a supposedly very liberal area of western Washington. You may not be assaulted, but, you will be shunned and forced to mingle in isolated pockets of acceptance. Try showing up for a neighborhood BBQ in a sun dress and see if you get another invitation.

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    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I wouldn't pass in a dark alley, and no desire to go out as a MIAD. I do wear woman's jeans from time to time and chunky heel boots but other than that I keep my CD'ing at home. The area I live in is very conservative. They do some gay pride month festivities, but it is still scary conservative. A feminine looking guy got beat up here a few months ago by a couple guys that might be best described as radical conservatives. I refuse to take the chance.

    This city will not even support a gay bar and this is a metro area of around 250,000 people!

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    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Im a GG ( genetic girl) but have been alternative my entire life..VERY alternative..very...me, my line of work.. all of me and yes I did move where it was safer.. I literally fled from Texas to California years ago and grateful I did . It finally became dangerous for me to stay there and it was very stifling. Europe was much easier for me to live there also.
    IG : Knightress Oxide

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    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    I live in a tough Uk city. But there is a gay LGBT community and bars to go to.However you have to be careful. There have been several incidents of gay LGBT individuals being attacked and beaten up recently. Even back in the 70s and 80s when there were clubs and support groups you had to be careful. Things were behind closed doors then.

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    Senior Member Christie ann's Avatar
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    I live and work in a very intolerant part of the world. I pick the places I go carefully and have had no issues. I tend to go to places where women go, overall they seem more tolerant if not accepting. You read lots on this board about bars and clubbing, no way. After dark is not going to happen. Hiking in the national forest in either busy touristy places or places that are physically demanding to see. I stay away from hunting areas.
    Once, while dressed and driving through Wyoming, I had to stop. I stopped at a convenience store in the oil patch and with much trepidation got out to use the facilities. I was accepted by all the women in the place. Got some strange looks from some of the guys.
    Bottom line, know where you are, work up slowly to not go past your comfort level and then go with confidence. You are doing nothing wrong.
    Last edited by char GG; 06-24-2022 at 04:47 PM. Reason: Some topics not allowed

  10. #10
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    You will find bigots of both genders just about anywhere you go so its how YOU deal with them.
    Don't be afraid to go places just act like you belong there just like any one else.
    Before going 24/7 and partial transition I paid no attention to mean comments some people would make.
    Don't let their actions have an effect on you just walk away.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Heather76's Avatar
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    I have lived in large cities and small rural towns. I suspect with only a few exceptions, most places have about the same level of acceptance/unacceptance as others. Yes, there are some places (ex: San Francisco) that are definitely more accepting. Regardless, it just makes sense to know your audience. If you are thin skinned and easily offended, it's best to remain mostly in the closet. If you don't much care what anyone else thinks, dress as you wish. While some areas may be less accepting, I'm fairly certain there is a big difference between being shunned and being attacked. If someone is so unbalanced as to attack another person (regardless of reason) there is no predicting it based on generalities.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

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    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    Mostly people won't bother you, you just see their reactions or hear comments, usually when they're telling them to their friends, not directly to you. I had a few bad experience, mostly verbal, but it always happened during night when I stumbled on drunk young people from certain groups. I was never physically harmed, just stopped and harassed for a few minutes. I mostly go out at night when fully dressed and do this for 2 decades, but had only a few of these incidents. Almost not worth mentioning. Probably real GGs have more of that when going out at night.

  13. #13
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christie ann View Post
    I pick the places I go carefully and have had no issues.
    Exactly! I dressed and went out in public in the coal fields of central Appalachia for decades and never had an issue. But I chose my venues carefully. Not stupid enough to show up at a mine and go underground wearing anything fem. if I did, there would be a good chance of not coming back up to see the sunlight! Lol.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I believe it's not as much the location as much as a individual. I see it in friends and colleagues that some people are strong opinionated or more verbal and others just don't care. But saying that I have a friend who moved out of the city and moved to a more small town. He has on more then one occasion told me that everyone in his area knows what he's doing and he doesn't seem to see anyone around and says he has to be careful what he does because it's a small town and everyone knows everyone. Just like most cities even for myself or anyone else I guess we know the bad parts of town

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    I think strangers are not a problem in reality in most western countries. It's more about people you know and how that will affect your life, your career, if they find out. Will they accept you as you are or they will start avoiding you.

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    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    My moto has always been: BE SAFE. BE SMART.
    This severely limits what I allow myself to do. Simply put I go to work. I go home. I go to the store for groceries. I pay most of my bills online. And that's about it. That's life.
    Sometimes you just have to be
    GENERIC

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    Quote Originally Posted by Karmen View Post
    I think strangers are not a problem in reality in most western countries. It's more about people you know and how that will affect your life, your career, if they find out. Will they accept you as you are or they will start avoiding you.
    In the case of friends, if they don't accept you then then were never really your friends. In the case of your career, when you are not at work you are free to wear whatever you want to wear, however at work you need to conform to your employer's dress code.
    You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    @Jamie001 I agree with you, but some people are really conservative and they just can't accept some things or they are afraid what other people will think of them because of that and will distance from you just to be on the safe side.

    In the case of your career, it depends on your line of work, but even if how you dress is not important to the company, it might slow down or stop progress in your career, if bosses don't support or like crossdressing and free lifestyle. Often they won't even tell you that, because officially they can't make you wear certain gender clothes at work. Company dress codes usually specify what kind of clothes are allowed or even specified for certain position, but don't specifically say that man shouldn't wear women's clothes. Man can wear female specified clothes and still won't violate company's dres code, unless that directly affects your company's image and profits. And even that can be debated in today's western world, because gender rights are big thing right now.

  19. #19
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Do it at home and in secret. Find an activity you can use it for as in Photography. If you Must go out, have a good reason for it---Halloween, Church Womanless Beauty Contest, etc.

  20. #20
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    We, too live in a small town. Discovery would be a disaster. As Dawnmarrie said?be smart..be safe. I think I am, but have had some close calls.

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    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink_Butterfly View Post
    Or were you forced to move in pursuit of your passions?
    The reverse. I couldn't afford to continue to live near the big city where crossdressers are tolerated better, plus, the polluted air and humidity and asthma made it hard to breath, so I had to find clean air, and a lower cost of living place.

    Where did you end up, if that's safe to tell?
    Southwest U.S.; in the desert. Air is clean, it isn't cold (began to hate the cold as I got older, especially after breaking my leg falling on the ice). 'High' desert areas aren't as hot, nor as cold in the winter, so it worked out. But I'm now in a very conservative state and city, so zero tolerance for any gender bending. But at least now I can breath freely, and enjoy the warm weather.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

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    Post I learned so much from the Showgirls at those clubs

    I was dressed in Hollywood at a restaurant that had an internet cafe with computer terminals. The Muslim owner doesn't like transgender so he put something in my food.
    I observed it and refused to pay for it. It was a cleaner like either Ajax cleaner or something similar. I never go into that restaurant again. The one big gay club with another club next to it that had big transsexual events near Las Palmas/Santa Monica was purchased Blvd by a religious Muslim group that didn't want those clubs there. The club was two old ice factories that had room for 1000's of people in each club in one night. 1000's attended that club in one night on the speciality nights They regularly had drag shows,beauty pageants, transgender cable shows there and much more but now it's going to be an expensive condominium complex.
    It was fun seeing all the transsexuals from Hollywood and surrounding areas go there and hangout around the area. No more now!
    As we become more of a melting pot of different cultures you might see things that are not welcome disappear.

    Kaiser Permanente hospital does FFS for free to it's members and I meet people from my Defense Department job who take any job just to get the FFS/GRS that Kaiser Permanente hospital provides to it's members.
    Most of us have a PPO are a HSA and not the HMO because we like to choose are doctors.

    I have only had maybe five (5) incidents.
    I don't care as much as I get older but there was danger for me when you are fully dressed your more vulnerable.
    Corset, earrings,high heels and tight skirts make defending yourself much more difficult.you need to take out the piercings like earrings,ditch the high heels but the corset takes too much time to remove. Corsets limit your breathing!

    Depending on how much time I spend doing my makeup I can pass but if I don't take the time I am clockable and get objections about which bathroom I go to and where I can go and what I can do.

    Hollywood is Not the accepting place it use to be everywhere!
    Last edited by sugababe; 06-29-2022 at 09:15 PM.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    I have traveled to many conservative and bigoted spots in the US while dressed and have received my share of stare-downs and comments but what I found is that, first, most people aren't paying attention, and second, if you carry yourself with confidence you will nearly always be treated with dignity and respect. If you are trying to hide in the corners and the shadows, this draws a lot of attention and it also triggers bullies. They spot a weak member of the flock and will go after it. I have been to biker bars in the rural south, to churches, to every imaginable spot where conservatives and bigots hang out, and have, 9.5 out of 10 times, been addressed as a woman. More than changing perceptions, I would attribute that to the fact that most people just want to keep to themselves and avoid conflict.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Territx's Avatar
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    I agree with Monica - most places and people are not paying attention or are disinterested in what others are doing so long as it does not adversely affect them or their families. Are there exceptions, sure -- but you find those on any side of the equation -- and I believe they are outliers. Unfortunately, those outliers oftentimes receive the most attention.
    I am what I am and also what I am not!

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