Telling my mom

[Amanda07]

I have been crossdressing for a while now, and there are only 2 people about it. A month ago, on May 31, my mom died from battling cancer. I knew it was coming, and I could see it coming for a few years.

I am also a funeral director for my career. I was blessed and honored to be the director for my family to help them with the funeral and everything that goes with it.

She never knew about me crossdressing or my feminine stuff. Last Sunday, I went to the cemetery to see her. I know it is just her body through, but I decides to tell her everything about my secret side that no one in the family knows about me. I cried at times telling her how I enjoy wearing all things of women's clothes from panties and bras to dresses to pants or shorts to shoes to makeup, nails, and hair. I told her that I wanted her to know my personal life, but that I was afraid to tell her in person while she was still alive.

That night, I dreamt of her. My mom told me that she still loves me, and proud of me for telling her about my personal life. We hugged and came closer together. She told me that she doesn't care what or who I am inside. All she wants is for me to be happy. When I woke up the next day. I had a calm and pleasant feeling that was over me. That everything was OK, and she is ok with me dressing and other stuff.

I am not sure if it was real, but since then I have been a bit happier knowing my mom still loves me and is proud of me.

I told my wife this experience and I just felt I needed to share this with others. I don't post much or comment much here over the past few years, but I wanted to tell you all my experience I had with coming out to my mom.

[Crissy 107]

Amanda, I think what you did was terrific and I can feel why you needed to do it. This is something that you will remember forever.

[rachelatshop]

I'm sorry that you lost your mom, but I believe that we only bury the physical body and that the spirit never dies but lives on and is on that next level of existence out there in the universe Thank you for sharing

[bridget thronton]

I am glad this brought you peace - my mother died 20 years ago and I still talk to her from time to time

[CrossKimmy]

That is really a lovely story. Thank you for sharing!

[Karren H]

A mothers love is unconditional!

[Natalie5004]

Very nice story. I wish you continued happiness.

[Aunt Kelly]

Without jumping into deep philosophical water, I would suggest that your experience was quite real. That you experienced it an a dream state does not render it any less so. At any rate, it is certainly a gift.
I am sorry for your loss, but happy for the resolution that you have found.

[JuliannaS]

First, very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I also lost my mother to cancer, 11 years ago this month.
I recently told her some things about me that she didn't know, one of them was crossdressing. I also told her about some other things i an struggling with right now. She has been in my dreams almost every night recently.
I'm sure your mom is very proud of you and loves you very much. That's how a mother's love works.

[Debbie Denier]

I am sorry for the loss of your mother Amanda . I lost my mother too a year and a half ago so understand how you feel.Its brilliant that you have found comfort and peace within yourself. I came out to my mother in 2011 after my father died. She accepted my CD and allowed me to dress at her home for the last 9 years. One of the best things I ever did as my wife is non accepting.A mothers love is unconditional
. I am sure your mother would have accepted too. Thanks for sharing .

[Mackem Sue]

I lost my own mum and best friend two years and three months ago. Like you, I've been cross-dressing for a long time since my teens. And I admit I love doing it and it makes me feel good.

When I lost her, I purged out of guilt and ditched every bit of female clothing I'd been able to acquire. However, less than a year later, I started to acquire a full wardrobe again. We can't escape who we are and Sue is a determined lady when she want's to express herself.

I think a few of us know what I mean by scrunching, basically after wearing our mother's, sister's, partner's or wife's hosiery, we squash and manipulate it so it doesn't look worn. Although I never told her, I think that because I was never very good at scrunching, she probably figured something was going on but never said anything. It was up to me (us) to talk.

I've had dreams myself, in that I'm in a darkened room, then a door opens and my mother comes through. There's various themes I'll not go into, but the last one, she came through and had a good moan at me (typical to be honest). She then stopped and gave me a hug I physically felt, so much so that I actually woke up and started saying "Thank you, I needed that". Neither of us were huggers, except with each other as privately we were very affectionate to each other (she got me to brush her hair while me doing a lot of running got lots of leg rubs out of her).

I do wonder if the moan she had was over my cross-dressing, however, the outcome was she loved me regardless.

That said (generally), we think we've hidden our cross-dressing from others, but mothers above all else just know there's something happening. No-one knows you better than your own mum.


Sue.

[Veronica Lacey]

Sincere condolences on the passing of your mother, Amanda.

As a funeral director it would seem likely that you must keep your emotions in check even with your own family's end of life plans. This experience you have shared must have been very cathartic and perhaps can provide future comfort when your career collides with your own grief.

Thank you for sharing.

[Melissa73]

I guess I am the fortunate one I told my mother a year before she passed that I crossdress and I was I was confessing to her she interrupted and said oh I know I always knew. She was curious about where I got my clothes how often I dressed. It's actually really relieving knowing that before she died I actually was able to come out to her despite the fact that she already knew we just never discussed it

[alwayshave]

Amanda, All that is important is that the dream was real to you. If it makes you happy, go with it.

[Connie D50]

Amanda, what a lovely post I'm so happy for you.

[audreyinalbany]

so sorry to hear. Many people believe that a vivid dream about a lost loved one isn't a dream but a visitation. It's pretty to think so.

[VS Fan]

Wiping away tears here. That?s incredible. I also have had dreams where I conversed with my grandfather who died before I was born.