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Thread: DADT breakthrough, or will I pay the price later...?

  1. #1
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    DADT breakthrough, or will I pay the price later...?

    Like many of you here who - along with your wives or SO's - are both retired and in the same house pretty much 24/7, the Covid pandemic lockdowns have doubled down on all that "togetherness" and in my case, wreaked havoc with my ability to crossdress to any appreciable extent given my DADT status with regard to my wife. I think the last time I was out in public as "Leslie" was in the fall of 2019, and my brief moments to crossdress since then have amounted to the equivalent of catnaps..an hour here, an hour there, maybe three hours tops when my wife was out of the house to either to buy groceries, run important errands, or go for medical appointments. Very frustrating, to say the least.

    I had a glimmer of hope last summer when the lockdowns here opened up a bit, some travel was again possible, and she was invited to go to her brother's lakeside house for a family get-together. I was invited as well, but demurred, giving all kinds of reasons not to go when the real reason was that I wanted some meaningful "Leslie" time with no one else around to interfere with that. As it happens, our daughter and her family live 5 minutes away from us, and she is prone to often drop by unexpectedly, which puts a further damper on any potential "Leslie" time. The good new here (while it lasted) was that they were also going, and my wife would have been able to tag along with them. Win!...so I thought, but then a family crisis (read: unexpected tiff) erupted just before the planned departure, so my wife backed out while the others still went. Murphy's law...so what could I say, except "grumble, grumble, grumble" under my breath through clenched teeth? And so, the drought continued...

    Fast forward to this summer, and a similar event was planned with the same cast of characters, this time involving a 4-day trip over the long Canada Day holiday weekend currently in progress here. The plan was for them to leave Thursday afternoon to get a head start on the traffic, and I had all my ducks in a row to finally enjoy THIS opportunity for some extended "Leslie" time. Well, not so fast, Sport...there it was...deja vu all over again. I was out doing some late night shopping on Wednesday evening (groceries, and yes...some new makeup), got home around 11:00 P.M., and was hit square between the eyes with the news that again, some unexpected complication had occurred, and my wife wasn't going to go the next day after all.

    I won't bore you with the corresponding details, but miracle of miracles, my wife had anticipated how devastating this news was going to be for me yet again, and the guilt had prompted her to arrange with our daughter that she would house-sit their house while they were away to make up for it, even before hitting me with this bombshell. So yes, even though my wife would be only 5 minutes away, she promised to stay away for the full 4 days to let me do my thing as originally planned, and without any interference on her part. In other words, keeping it as if she would be 500 miles away as per the original plan.

    So here I am tapping away at my keyboard fully dressed and made up after already having had a day out in public in "Leslie" mode, with more to come tomorrow. And yet, I am wary, as the title to my post suggests. As they say, if something looks to be too good to be true, it usually is. I can only hope that we have reached some sort of breakthrough where my crossdressing needs are finally fully acknowledged, and that I will not eventually get to pay for this unexpected good fortune by having it throw in my face at some future date when my wife again blows "cold" with regard to my crossdressing.

    Time will tell, but for now I am making the best of this unexpected opportunity and am living in the moment.

  2. #2
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Sounds like it is morphing into DADS, don't ask & don't show. Obviously she knows and doesn't want to ask. May in the future relax a bit. Keep communications open and see what happens. Might start later, with "what were you thinking" "so close and yet not coming home, how did that work out for you". If those go ok, then "what did you imagine I was doing with my time alone? How did that make you feel?...."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I would not let concern over what it all means spoil the opportunity you have now. The best possible outcome is that she recognizes how important the time is to you as well as the positive effect it has on your overall well being and is giving you that gift of time...take advantage of it. As Donna points out, upon her return you can judge if her attitude toward your DADT arrangement is changing and open up yourself -or not - as you see fit. Even if she does blow cold again, at least you have this. Enjoy your time!
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  4. #4
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Buy your wife a nice bunch of flowers or some thank-you gift anyway!

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    Your wife has taken your feelings into consideration. Something a lot of us can only wish for. I would enjoy the time you spend en femme. Acknowledge your appreciation with your wife. As Lori has pointed out . A bunch of flowers or treat her to a meal out..I am sure that would pay dividends in the future.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Well it's great that she at least recognized the importance of you having some fem time. As I was reading this it brought me back in time when my fem time was limited and when these opportunities hit and I would count down the minutes and make sure I had everything in the house so I wouldn't have to interrupt my time. Just like yourself 99% of the time just to be disappointed at the last second.
    Hopefully you can enjoy the rest of the weekend without any other set backs and make up for a few years of dressing.

  7. #7
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    If I were you I would have an open conversation with your wife and tell her how much she means to you and how grateful you are that she was willing to accomdate this part of you. Speaking for myself I found out too late that being open and honest with my wife turned out to be the best thing for both of us. We found boundaries that we could both live with. Best wishes to you and your wife.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I think a lot of times we use Don?t ask, Don?t tell as a way of trying to avoid being hurt, as though if we do not talk about it we will not get hurt. What you are describing,mthough, is a time bomb that could go off at any time. She obviously knew you wanted the privacy to dress. Why not talk about it, acknow it, put the cars on the table so to speak. At least then you can have an adult discussion. She does not have to see you dressed if she prefers nut. Nancy

  9. #9
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    Agree with others on buying flowers and/or a nice gift, something to acknowledge her magnanimity. Also, make sure the house is in perfect condition when she gets home!!

  10. #10
    Senior Member michelleddg's Avatar
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    Oh girlfriend, I feel you. So many of us have had covid sabbaticals and shared hermiting. I wonder how many of our better halves have mis-presumed we were "cured"?

    Given your blushing bride's distaste for your special DNA I am heartened she would give you a dressing window on her own initiative. While any direct reference to the window would no doubt be uncomfortable for her, perhaps an implied thank you would do the job. I'm thinking an "we made it through covid!" splurgy dinner. You could both hit town in your prettiest finery. OK, kidding on that last bit.

    Hugs, Michelle

  11. #11
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Any accomodations made on her part are a step in the right direction. I doubt she will ever be willing to share the same time and space with you in Leslie mode, but perhaps she will continue willing to vacate that space now and then.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Leslie, I'm glad that you have gotten and extended period of time to dress. I'm also glad that your wife, despite the DADT status, recognized that you needed this time and responded appropriately.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #13
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    Leslie, your post could be my post up to a point. The last time I had a full femme experience was New Year's Eve, 2019-2020 when my wife babysat overnight for our daughter at her apartment. I had the opportunity to go for an evening drive and stroll. My wife and I are fully retired when means no more seven hour days of femme time several times a week. So be it. She a late riser and we sleep apart for medical reasons which does afford me the opportunity to sleep in bra, panty, nightgown or slip. As I peck away on this keyboard I am in my night clothes. That's my existence.

    So, about you and your wife; primarily your wife. Not too long ago you posted of her breast cancer and treatment. As her life long partner you were there for her through one of the worst times a woman has to endure. For her, as my wife too, it had to be a life changing experience. Who was there beside her? You. I think, that support factors into her outlook, even if she does not express it openly. She may not be ready for you to prepare dinner en femme, but, I doubt she will unload on you in a negative manner. When the chips were down, who was there for her? You. And, her personal journey as to really being cancer free is not over. Whether, she expresses it openly, it has to be on a her mind. And, every time there is that fleeting thought racing through her mind, I bet she reflects on that good guy who was at her side, and, still is. So what, if he wears a dress on occasion.

  14. #14
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    enjoy your girl time Leslie and give your wife a big hug when she comes home

  15. #15
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Approach it with an attitude of gratitude, a bouquet of flowers and a nice meal out at her favourite restaurant. Nice gestures never hurt anyone. Maybe the CD window will open again for you.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  16. #16
    Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    Enjoy your Leslie time to the max and make sure to thank your wife for taking your feelings into consideration.
    YOLO

  17. #17
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    Hi Leslie , Just enjoy the Moment, Go for it while you have the chance, >Orchid**OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  18. #18
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Beware! It is a trap! I would make sure your ring doorbell lets you know if your wife sneaks home while your out enfemme! Or better sweep the house to see if she has set up hidden web cams that live stream to Facebook! Lol.

  19. #19
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Thank you, ladies, for the heartfelt feedback, not to mention the "You go, Girl" encouragement to enjoy these few days of "freedom" to their fullest...which I did, including knocking a few remaining items off my personal "bucket list".

    I've taken all of your suggestions to heart, including a gift of flowers, chocolates, and a sincere "Thank You" card as a starting point to welcome my wife back when she returns home later on this afternoon. I'll let you know in due course how it all went down, or if I did - LOL!

  20. #20
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Fascinating to read and digest your post. Having retired last year I am currently enjoying as much time as I could ever desire dressed. But I know my wife is planning to retire next year and wonder how that will impact on our lives/ relationship.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Territx's Avatar
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    First - congratulations on having some time! Second - if you decide to try to discuss this with her further, then I think the best course is to thank her and then consider baby steps/along with the corresponding responses as you go forward - you may meet a wall, but at least you will know where you stand. However, the fact she gave you space but apparently did not address any aspect of your having alone time, coupled with her having apparently stayed away for the entire time, even though she was only minutes away, is probably an indication of how she feels and that she does not want to go any further. Just my 2 cents.
    Last edited by Territx; 07-05-2022 at 11:27 AM.
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  22. #22
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    Thank you, ladies, for the heartfelt feedback, not to mention the "You go, Girl" encouragement to enjoy these few days of "freedom" to their fullest...which I did, including knocking a few remaining items off my personal "bucket list".

    I've taken all of your suggestions to heart, including a gift of flowers, chocolates, and a sincere "Thank You" card as a starting point to welcome my wife back when she returns home later on this afternoon. I'll let you know in due course how it all went down, or if I did - LOL!
    So, how did it go, Leslie?

  23. #23
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    As promised for those who are interested, below is an update to my original post expressing my hope for a DADT breakthrough with my wife as one outcome of some unfettered "Leslie" time during the recent holiday weekend here.

    The "Executive Summary" to this event is that all went well in the end despite a couple of minor bumps in the road along the way, and my wife and I are in a far better place right now regarding my crossdressing than we have been for some time now.

    The initial prospects weren't auspicious. I texted my wife after laying low the first day to check to see if everything was O.K. at her end, and all I got was a terse "Yes". I still had my "Leslie" outings over the next couple of days regardless, and on the last day reached out to her again to let her know that she could come back to our house earlier than originally planned since I was done and there was no need for her to lose the better part of that day as well. I then went out in "guy mode" to run some errands, fully expecting my wife to be home before I got back and see the flowers, "Thank You" card and chocolates that I had bought for her at all you dear Forum co-conspiators' �� suggestions to smooth things over, and to segue that into what was sure to be a difficult conversation/"debriefing".

    Well, as luck would have it my wife hadn't seen my text in time, had arrived home just 5 minutes before I did, and hadn't yet been in the kitchen to see all the items I had laid out for her. So, no element of (hopefully) pleasant surprise to ease into things as I had hoped. She did acknowledge my gifts at that point, but in a rather matter-of-fact and unenthusiastic way that left me inwardly crushed. I saw a decidedly difficult conversation in my future at that moment.

    My wife then proceeded to unpack, I got immersed in other chores, and we reconnected later on in the afternoon when I asked her if she had actually read the card in which I had expressed my sincere appreciation for her gesture and how much it meant to me in terms of her validation and acceptance of my crossdressing needs. She acknowledged that, but also followed it up with the dreaded "We need to talk" response.

    Well, talk we did, and after an awkward start to the conversation, we both bared our souls to each other in a way we hadn't in many years, and shared a connection that I had all but given up for lost. Bottom line - I think my wife finally understands how important my crossdressing is for me, that I can manage it within limits as this past weekend had demonstrated, but it is not something I can stifle altogether.

    For my part, I got a much better appreciation for needs of hers that she had not adequately communicated to me previously (then again, maybe I was inexcusably tone deaf during many of those conversations). Either way, I pledged to do much better in that regard in future, and I have since begun to walk the walk and talk the talk to prove my sincerity.

    Right now, we are in a good place, and fingers crossed (no pun intended - LOL!) that we can build on that and regain the mutual trust, respect, sense of vulnerability and being there for each other no matter what that may have fallen by the wayside as we struggled with this elephant in the room, and which always seemed to lurk in the background in the past.

  24. #24
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    Leslie, I hope it all works out properly for you

  25. #25
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
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    Hi Leslie, sounds like some good progress for sure. A lot of conversation is needed over time and for me at least often rehashing some of the same things over again. Our needs and those of even an accepting spouse change over time and needs to be discussed and agreed on.

    Hope it starts going better for you both, at least you are talking about it now.

    Hugs
    Jolene

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