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Thread: Would your friends be shocked?

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Would your friends be shocked?

    I am one hundred percent in the closer and plan to stay that way. Only my wife knows and is in the marginally tolerant category. I often wonder what some of my friends would think. I have some male friends that I have known since childhood. We spend time with certain couples on a regular basis. Would they reject me or ridicule me if they knew I wore panties? That I thought of myself as trans? That I wish I were a woman and love dressing in feminine clothes? I do not believe any of them would understand. I tend to think only those of us who feel the same way understand. Part of me wishes I did not have to keep me secret, but I will. Nancy

  2. #2
    Member RachelB.'s Avatar
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    I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    I agree Nancy I believe only those that feel the same way would understand. My wife does not understand and does not accept. The only person that did was my late mother. I believe she accepted due to a nervous breakdown and fear of losing me.I don?t think my friends would. I was on the verge of coming out to my life long best male friend. He confided that he wore his mothers stockings when a child . I confessed I did too. A few weeks later he was offered a free hospitality package but refused because it was a drag show. I know drag can be a send up of CDs and not reflect the reality of how we are.But the negative and condescending manner of his criticism of drag artists and men that dress up feminine, convinced me not to come out to him.Like Rachel pointed out I was also concerned of the consequences for my wife, daughters and family too.

  4. #4
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Hi Nancy, I totally hear you and agree. I?m one of the lucky ones with a supportive wife. Living in a small town keeps us very secretive as discovery would not be good. We don?t think any of our friends would accept or understand my dressing. One of my friends admitted to wearing pantyhose, but only when he went hunting. I wondered, but made no comment. I have no desire to become a women. I just love dressing and looking as female as possible. Yes, I?d like to know someone else who dresses and can be discreet, but we play it safe. One never knows. Discovery would be a disaster both socially and politically.
    A couple years ago, we had a fund raiser dinner/ vaudeville event. Along with 7 other guys, I was asked to be part of a chorus line ala the Rockets. I agreed. I had everything. My wife did my makeup including false eyelashes and I shaved my legs. After the show one of our friends commented that I really seemed to really enjoy myself. Little did he know.LOL.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RachelB. View Post
    I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.
    I agree totally Rachel. I am not ashamed of who I am. I have two major male friends, one would be accepting, one would not. Neither are on my list of "needs to know" persons, so it is a moot point. On one level, I would find it amusing if they were to find out - how might it change the relationship we have had over the years? In my opinion,it would reveal more about them than me, because my proclivities do not change me at all. I'm not going to push that issue though.

    However, I am keenly aware that what I do affects my wife, and will remain guarded for her sake. When I came out to her last year, after a few tense days she realized I was the same person I've always been. She accepts me totally. It's wonderful for a person to know you so completely, and loves you just the same. Nothing is more important to me.
    Last edited by Kris Burton; 07-06-2022 at 03:50 PM. Reason: rewording for clarity
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  6. #6
    Member Fiona_44's Avatar
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    There are 4 people who know about Fiona and all of them have been very open-minded and accepting when I told them. However, none of them are "friends" per se. I have maybe 2 friends who would have no problem at all while the others would would have varying levels of problems with it. I have no intention of telling any friend, accepting or not. My relationships with these people are much too valuable to me to potentially jeopardize in any way.
    YOLO

  7. #7
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RachelB. View Post
    I have a lot of friends who I think would accept me for who I am. I know some would not but that would be their loss. I worry more about my wife being ostracized than what people think of me.
    Spot on for me as well.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Okay, one reason we keep our secret is to protect our wives. Excellent point. And who would want friends who are bigoted and would reject us? But, would they be shocked to find out we crossdress? I think mine would. I was an athlete and still am active physically and seen as an outdoors person. Nobody would see me as a wimp which tends to be stereotyped with trans and men wearing feminine clothes. Nancy

  9. #9
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I couldn't begin to describe the hell storm that would descend on me if I were completely open about this "peculiar pastime." Over half of my immediate family would totally reject me and my habit. I can't think of a single friend who would accept seeing me dressed (shy of a silly Halloween effort). Nobody outside this forum knows anything about Geena, and it will probably have to stay that way.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    The people I know where I now live would most likely be ok but like others my wife would not like it. I get my nails done at a local salon so the chance of seeing someone I know is there. I feel I could just pass it off as NBD.
    Crissy

  11. #11
    Member RoxieChristine's Avatar
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    Shocked is an understatement. They would be more stunned than my wife would, and that would probably be the end of "us" right there.

    I really relate to music and there are two songs that have stuck with me for a long time. I related to both when I was discovering my submissive side while learning BDSM, and not that I'm finding my fem side. First is Sly and the Family Stone "Thank You for Letting me be Myself", and the second is Adam Ant "Goody Two Shoes" I think the chorus really sums up my life "Don't drink, Don't smoke, what do you do? Subtle innuendo, must be something inside". What I feel inside has always been suppressed and is held inside. I love the freedom of being able to let it out.
    Just starting and lots to learn. Enjoying letting my girl out.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Michelle Crossfire's Avatar
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    There is nobody on my need to know list. Actually, there is no list. Both my parents are deceased, and I have 2 sisters and they don't know and i don't speak to them very often. As for my friends, forget it. They would sever any friendship we had if they knew. I am lucky in I have a very supportive wife. A few people who i met off this site know, but that is it.
    [B][I]Call me Michelle:

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Heather76's Avatar
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    Anyone that knows me would be shocked to learn I crossdress. I suspect most would not care to see me again socially. The secret shall remain between my wife and myself. As others have mentioned, I'd hate for my wife's friend to cool their friendships with her because of me. It wouldn't bother me to lose the friendships as none of them are truly close friendships.
    It's never too late to enjoy a happy childhood.
    Live each day as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
    I'm finding the more feminine side of me...and I ❤️ this adventure.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    I wear a dress out and about every Halloween. Trust me that not one of my friends or acquaintances would be surprised. They more than likely already assume.

  15. #15
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I think many would be surprised but not necessarily shocked.

    As with several others, my wife is the key. She believes people would feel sorry for her if they found out she was married to a CD. Yes, she is aware I dress, and has known about these desires since almost the day we met.

    I have told one person from my boy world I'm a CD, the wife of a long-term friend (almost 50 years). I told her because they have a transgender child, born female, considers themself to be non-binary, and presents male. I told the wife because I believed I could help her better deal with her transgender child, and she appreciated that Intrusted her with my secret. Several months after I disclosed, I met the head of the local Transparent chapter, and was able to pass on the details to my friend's wife, which she also appreciated.

    Would my friends be accepting? On the whole, I think so. My best friend from work has a daughter with a same sex marriage. Two of my wife's sisters have been in long-term same sex relationships. I am (retired) white collar and known for my left of center political views.

    I also have been fortunate to make friends while Dee. These friends are very accepting and many are Facebook friends of the guy me. My bestie Michelle actually met my wife last weekend at a party we hosted (guy me, of course).

    I have found people to be accepting. I would hope my friends would be the same.
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  16. #16
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I guess some friends might be surprised, shocked or remulade. I also know that some of my friends would simply have their suspicions confirmed.

  17. #17
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
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    I imagine my friends would be shocked. They know I?m ?liberal? and pro-trans rights, but I don?t display feminine traits. It might be too much for a few, and I?d adapt to losing their friendship. Others would find it surprising but I suspect accept. Some would likely be encouraging. My wife would be terrified of others knowing, but I suspect would adapt too. Having said that, I?m satisfied staying in the closet but being to able to mostly share with my wife.

  18. #18
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    For sure my parents would be shocked. I know a few people that are bi or alternative life styles that would not be shocked. But they are more like yea we know each other and have hung out together but we are not in a true friendship. I am retired military that took me all over the world and made friendships yet we are worlds apart today. Retired to my wife's home town and really I have no friendships yet.

    This is why I am on this site and others trying to make friendship? Now it's not sad because my wife is my greatest bestest mostest wonderfulest friend. We have such an amazing life together. She was helping pick out some cute outfits for me just yesterday.

  19. #19
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I don't have any friends, so I am OK. :-) (just kidding)

    I am much like you Nancy. I don't completely hide the fact that I love feminine colors and some of my common T-shirts this time of the year are probably women's. But I say, crew neck T-shirt for a gorilla is just fine for humans because there isn't much you can do with a solid color T-shirt to make it speak to gender. On the other hand, when a man wears so many feminine colors it should send a signal that something is up. So I suspect many have figured it out and would not be shocked, but maybe surprised. There are a few who would very much frown on it, mostly quite traditional males.

  20. #20
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Nancy great post, I'm sure that some friends would not be shocked and even would except me. I have worn panties 24/7 for over 35 years I'm sure at some point without my knowledge some one has caught a glimpse of them. However the damage to my wife and two daughters (all of course know I dress) from the ones unexcepting one would be terribly. The shame it would cause me would be unbearable. Connie

  21. #21
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    all my friends would be shocked as was my wife when she found out

  22. #22
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    Definitely. It would be... difficult.

  23. #23
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    I don't have any close friends, only acquaintances. I think family and acquaintances would be surprised. Some would not care while others would drop me like a hot potato. How many of you actually are aware of or suspect someone in your immediate circle is a cross dresser?

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Territx's Avatar
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    Maybe the feelings about this have something to do with where you are on the spectrum - I have no desire to be female, so I am not trans - so that is my perspective. Because of the life my "twin" lives, both at work and socially, everyone would be shocked, including and most especially family - who would also be hurt. Whether they would be justified in their own minds or not, I have no desire to be ostracized or risk any change in attitudes or potential loss of time with wife, children, and grandchildren. I accept that things may not be "fair" as respects this issue but there are a lot of things that are not "fair" and so I try to move forward in the world as it exists - protecting my loved ones even if I have to limit myself. That is what I promised to do when I got married and then again when we made the decision to have children - they all come first! I really liked the title of the book by Gale Sayers (though I wouldn't be surprised if someone else said it before him) - "I Am Third" (for those that have not read the book or heard the saying, he said he came behind God and Family - 3rd).

    Hope I did not get too soap-boxy.
    I am what I am and also what I am not!

  25. #25
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I'm sure the majority of my friends would be totally shocked were I to show up somewhere as Cheryl and it not be Halloween.
    I don't think the shock would be how I was presenting as much as it would be that they had no clue for so very long. There would be some that would accept, but not as many as I would really like. If it weren't for that and for family, who would mostly reject me immediately, I'd be full time and maybe more.
    For now the secret is mine to keep peace.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

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